So I think I need some help

Considering what she is potentially doing to her liver - per her own self-reported pain - and the fact that she is also abusing codeine in the process of being addicted or self-medicating or whatever… I don’t think it matters what we call it right now. What she is doing, unquestionably, is damaging her body and her relationships with others.

I have a brother-in-law who drank heavily but we didn’t find out until he was in the ER with alcohol-induced liver failure and the doctor telling everyone to come in because he might not live until morning. He was able to moderate his drinking enough when around us at get-togethers with the inlaws - and we all drank some to deal with those - but when alone he’d chug vodka or whatever else in hard liquor to make up for lost time. I don’t know that he ever stopped for 9 months at a time, but he could put down the bottle. He just hated doing so.

He had psoriasis so we dismissed the red nose/cheeks. He had a belly - well, most of us had something. He had “stomach issues” - he and our sister-in-law thought maybe it was IBS. He was also fortunate enough that his liver eventually started working again, but he’s on disability these days (years later) from the after-effects of the months of hospitalization and everything he put his body through.

Yep. My GF was put on librium pills…without either the librium pills or a bottle of Goldschlagger, she would go into DT’s… delirious tremors…uncontrollable shaking, which often kills you.

My spouse was where you are in April of this year. She had six weeks off after basically abandoning me on long-planned travel with our young children. Two weeks in, she told me she was ready for rehab for a combination of prescription amphetamine and heavy alcohol use. But she didn’t go. I came home to a wrecked house. A few weeks later she took a suicidal dose of both her drugs, went into the violent state of a trapped animal, and put our kids in the hospital and herself in jail.

Everybody found out about her problems. We were lucky that our kids ended up okay.

She’s been clean for eight months. We’re separated. She sees our kids most evenings, now (supervised by me). I’ve been going to AlAlnon. I don’t know if I will proceed with the divorce. If she had told me the night before the crisis that she was taking another six weeks off to rehab for real, I would have wept with relief.

The longer you delay seeking serious help for both the substance abuse and the underlying emotional problems, the more likely it becomes that you will take a lethal dose of your particular drug combination. Because both are depressants, you probably won’t hurt your kids (except maybe through neglect). You’ll just die.

My heart breaks for your children. And for your husband.

I know an alcoholic who quit when she was pregnant only to start off where she left when she quit breastfeeding. She got pregnant so she would stop again. :smack:

I’d recommend talking to someone, right away. Your doctor, someone at AA. Both.

It’s OK to prepare ahead of time on what you want to say. “I’m scared because I can’t seem to stop drinking and I have social phobia so I don’t know what to say.” etc.

I am without a doubt self medicating. I originally started up with alcohol to ease my anxiety in social situations. Now I think I just don’t like being sober. I like to just not feel.

I don’t know why but I neglected to mention that I am a daily pot smoker as well. I also use that to cope with my anxiety.

I have been on Paxil for the past 20 years. It was prescribed to me for depression and anxiety. My doc will reluctantly write a script for me for Ativan to deal with panic attacks but I have always gotten the impression from him that he thinks that a lot of anxiety problems are all in people’s heads and that medicating is not the answer.

About 5 years ago, I went to my doc and confessed the pot use and alcohol abuse and he basically said “that’s bad” and really had no other advice than to “just stop”. He’s not the most sympathetic guy.

I guess I consider myself a functional alcoholic. I don’t miss work or events due to my drinking. I am NEVER falling down drunk or slurring speech or anything like that. I just become more social and happy. I’ve never passed out or blacked out due to drinking.

Quitting when I became pregnant was a no brainer for me. It was kind of a relief actually. I never felt better than when I was pregnant and while I was breastfeeding. My moods were always great.

I didn’t manage to stay sober last night. I put away about 10oz of vodka. My usual amount is 8-12 oz.

Let me just point out a couple of things to you:

And yet…

And yet…

Do you want to quit, or not?
If so, can you quit on your own, or not?

If the answers are “Yes” and “No”, then you know what you need to do. Everything else is just dicking around.

If your husband thinks you’re just being selfish, so what? He’s not the one who has to quit. I guaranfuckingtee you that if you get sober, he’s not going to give a shit whether you did it through sheer willpower or in rehab or by the power of Greyskull.

If your doc’s not sympathetic and isn’t offering you helpful suggestions, then find someone who will. Here’s a crazy idea: contact someone who deals specifically with drug and alcohol abuse. I have a hunch they might have some better suggestions for you.

Oh, and if you’re on Paxil for anxiety and you’re still using drugs and alcohol every day to combat anxiety, then maybe the Paxil’s not helping anymore. After 20 years, that’s not entirely surprising.

Again, imagine it’s one of your kids. They come to you and say, “Mom, I’m so anxious all the time that I’d rather not feel at all than even try to be genuinely happy. I know I’m hurting my body, too, but I can’t stop myself. And even if I *did *want to get sober - and I think I do - my spouse isn’t supportive, and my doctor isn’t either, and I tried this one drug for anxiety and it doesn’t help anymore. And I’m just so embarrassed.”

Would you feel defeated and say “You’re right; I guess there’s really nothing you can do.”?

Or would you get fiercely angry, like a momma bear defending her wounded cub, and say, “Fuck that noise! If you want to do this, then we’re going to get you better, whatever it takes, and we’re not taking ‘No’ for an answer from your spouse or your doctor or anyone!”

What would you want for your kids?

Now turn it back around again: what do you think your kids would want for you?

You need a better doctor. You need one who you can tell, “I drink this much per day and take this much codeine a day and smoke this much pot a day on top of my anti-anxiety meds, and I need help getting off them while dealing with the anxiety I use all this stuff for” and who will reply with something more useful than “that’s bad.”

Thank you for this.

My work offers a free confidential counseling service to employees. I am going to make a call today.

It;s going to be a tough thread** baileygrrrl**. Nobody will tell you to wait because we don’t want to be enabling your addictions. But I’m sure everyone has a great deal of sympathy for your situation and how difficult this is. But you do have to make a move. You can sit in this state forever, telling yourself you’ll stop tomorrow, just one more day. You have to stop, waiting won’t help. The anxiety will get worse as time goes on.

Please, please, please, seek some help immediately. Find a new doctor and tell them you have a destructive addiction and you need help immediately. Go to an AA meeting. Get into rehab. Get rid of all the liquor and codeine and just stay online with us if you have to, but stop. Take action now. Waiting just makes it worse.

One thing that I found after I quit was that a lot of the “anxiety” that I thought I was drinking over was caused by the drinking. Sort of like all those smokers who say that smoking calms them down, you know? Of course it does.

One of the tasks of living sober is learning to feel things again and knowing that it’s okay to be uncomfortable sometimes.

My only knowledge here is second-hand via my Mother. She once had a very serious alcoholism problem, but recovered and became a genuine heroine of alcohol and drug abuse counseling. (There is a Counseling Scholarship named after her.)

Anyway, she and others stressed the great importance (for most people) of the support of A.A. She was a woman of great self-confidence, yet even after she’d been sober for almost 30 years and was herself a famous counselor, she still attended meetings.

I find that affirmations can help with most psychological problems. You, as does everybody, have negative voices telling them that they can’t do this or that. You gotta find a way to combat those voices consciously.

This is just an example. I would suggest you come up with one of your own.

“I’m a strong individual who doesn’t need alcohol in my life anymore. I have a loving husband and two beautiful children who need me there for them. I am making the decision to stay sober so that I can be there for them and myself.”

The point is to find your affirmation and repeat it to yourself several times throughout the day. Say it as much as you have too and it will manifest.

I haven’t read the rest of the thread, but I’m rather amazed at how strongly I agree with these first two posts. Addiction is, first and foremost, a medical problem. This is great advice.

I did a post about 10 minutes ago and the internet ate it, so I’ll be brief and apologize in advance if I double-post - I am not a Dr, but I don’t think anyone who has been abusing alcohol and painkillers (plus pot and an antianxiety med) ought to try to quit on their own. Your detox almost surely needs some medical supervision. If there is any chance of a seizure, especially, that should be avoided, and isn’t something you’d want your kids to witness.
I’m still not a Dr. But if you were my wife, I’d want you to tell me, and get appropriate, professional help.
Rooting for you -

can you try talking to these guys http://www.drugandalcoholhelpline.ca 1-800-565-8603 they also have an online chat option on the website.

maybe they could even point you towards a helpful doctor. at the very least they can help you come up with a concrete plan and be there when you need it most.

How are you doing, baileygrrrl? Did you get ahold of your EAP today? Have you talked to your husband?

Baileygirl

I was in Ohio today, and thought of you.

An intoxicated (via alcohol and marijuana) woman killed a teen with her car just hours ago.

http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2012/12/12/woman-charged-in-hit-skip-death-of-teen.html

I noticed no Dopers here brought up the topic of you drinking and driving…is it safe to assume that you do, since you go to/from work, and are able to hide the drinking from your husband?

The lady that just killed this Ohio teen is in a jail cell, where she will likely spend much of the rest of her life…i have never been incarcerated, but I am guessing an after dinner vodka isnt on the menu.

So there is one sure way to stop cold turkey. Just keep drinking and driving, then mow down some innocent teen on her way home from cheer practice.

IIRC, more innocent folks die from DUI drivers, then were killed in Vietnam…every year.

Slight correction…i am in an ohio hotel, and this was in the news tonight…but she killed the teen Oct 25… It wasnt until now that she was processed by the courts.

Not everyone who is an alcoholic drinks and drives. I didn’t for about a year and half. The one night I did (to go to the liquor store) was the night I realized I had a problem, and it was that week that I got help.

I did call EAP and they were SO helpful. They are arranging an appointment for me with a drug/alcohol counselor and they provided me with a number of resourses in my area that I can contact.

I haven’t told my husband yet. Couldn’t find the nerve to do it last night. But I didn’t drink last night!