I agree, try to go to a meeting today if you can.
I remember that feeling. I fought so hard to put off the day when “everyone would know” and I would die of shame. I fought it right up to the day when I ended up in the hospital being detoxed for alcohol addiction because wanting a drink turned into needing a drink every night and then needing a drink earlier in the day and then, well I’ll take it to work with me because it’s really hard to wait until I get home, and so on…
I lost my job, I almost lost my family and then I gave up.
Everyone found out and I didn’t die of shame. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. Now I have almost 4 years and I can choose to tell people or not, as I please.
I give up. I don’t think you’re ready to do anything. I hope you decide to take action before too much damage is done, either to your health or your family. Good luck.
This.
No! It’s not like that at all! I’m sorry you experienced that! Please go to a face to face meeting!
Thanks for your advice on here. It’s appreciated.
AA isn’t for everyone. Evidence says it doesn’t even help. I’m not really badmouthing it, some people swear by it, whatever. But if you’re put off by AA, don’t let that put you off of dealing with your problem at all.
I’ve never been to AA (not an alcoholic), but I seriously doubt that they would be that way in person. People are dicks on the Internet.
I don’t see why you have to tell anyone you know - other than your husband. I don’t like AA due to its religious overtones, but I’d probably still go as where else are you going to find people in the same situation.
Actually meeting people in person I think will be much better for you than online.
Probably, but I am a social phobic so it will be a very hard step to take…sober.
I would appreciate some kind of cite for this.
I never attended AA, but I did participate in an Al-Anon group some years back, and understand that the programs of the two are extremely similar (if not downright identical; I can’t recall).
The Al-Anon program, although I gave it up, would be beneficial to anyone at all, IMO, not just the loved-ones of an alcoholic.
Once you come clean with your husband, baileygrrrl, I strongly suggest he attend Al-Anon. The only “problem” with these two programs is that a belief in a higher power (not necessarily religious, by any means) is required.
I would find some, but it’s been done so many times on this board that I just really don’t feel like it. Probably someone else has some handy. Sorry that’s lame, but this day is just not inspiring a lot of patience in me so far.
But things can seem helpful without actually making a meaningful difference. Happens all the time.
All you have to do is go and listen to other people tell their stories and what they are doing to try to stay sober. If you want to tell your own story, there will be people there who will have been through the same things and can tell you what they did.
Just remember that they are all human beings, too. Some will be kind, some will be jerks. They thing they have in common is that they are all trying to stop drinking and to help support each other through that.
The first time I went, I felt like a failure. It took a while to see that it was exactly the opposite of failure.
Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous - which is another reason to let your husband know and talk to him before Christmas - someone needs to keep an eye on you for the next week or so and make sure you don’t suffer physical effects. You should also talk to your doctor, and bring your husband, so your husband knows what to look for.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001769/
Best of luck. My sister has been sober for a few years now - and while it wasn’t easy for her to get there, it was worth it for her and for the rest of us.
baileygrrrl, you’ve probably figured out by now that you’ve got an endless supply of excuses available to avoid talking to people and getting help. That’s totally normal. That’s also the addiction speaking. You’ve been able to talk to us and handle the responses we’ve given you. You can handle in-person conversations. You can’t be free while also still hiding behind shame. If you’re going to do this, you’ve got to do this, fears be damned. It’s fucking terrifying, but it’s also fucking important.
Your kids need you to recover. You can do it for them.
baileygrrrl, I don’t want this to come across as “you’re not addicted”, but there is a good chance that what’s kept you turning to the alcohol and codeine is the anxiety. Can you get yourself to the Drs and come up with a safe plan to address the anxiety throughout this?
A significant reason I can think of, to tell your DH, is that if you don’t, then you are concealing something from him. And if you are concealing something from him, it’s just as easy to conceal from him if you give up and turn back to the alcohol or codeine or both. If you come clean, then it’s not hanging over you.
I wonder if you could do it in one fell swoop - Dr and DH together - if that might help your DH get to the supportive point faster.
To re-iterate what others have said above; don’t do this alone. Seek help from your husband, and from your doctor. You’re on the right path, I think from your post you know it, too. Use every resource you have seen here to get where you want to be.
Thanks for explaining that, I can see why you would be fearful of talking to him. It is a judgemental attitude but then many many other people think the same. It doesn’t mean they are wrong but simply that their life experience leads them to see addictions as a choice rather than a compulsion - usually driven by something inside us.
While telling your husband is desirable that step is not compulsory. The reason doctors, psychologists and counsellors have jobs is that they are non-judgemental strangers whom you can talk to in confidence.
Its also the reason AA etc works - a group of sympathetic people who share the burden.
I don’t think its absolutely necessary to tell your family and friends. The basic step is to decline the offer of a drink, one at a time. You can say you’ve decided not to drink or say nothing.
The crucial point is to have support. Make a promise to a stranger that you will not drink anymore.
So - my advice: talk to your doctor. Go to an AA meeting if you can. Find a sponsor/counsellor, anybody, a person removed from your own circle whom you can talk to and who will support you.
I don’t want to derail this thread, but this occurred to me also. I am certainly no expert on alcoholism, but the alcoholics I know were NEVER able to stop on their own, even for a short period of time…let alone 9 months of pregnancy.
baileygrrrl, what makes you think you are an alcoholic vs someone who just uses alcohol as a crutch to cope with other issues, like anxiety?
I have had stressful phases in my life where I’ve used alcohol to destress. At one point, my husband and I had been drinking every single night for almost 2 months. When we realized it, we both quit cold turkey. But we drink socially and sometime indulge during the week if work/family/etc are stressful. My understanding from alcoholics I have known is that they cannot quit and can never touch the stuff again (my personal theory is that there is a yet to be identified gene that causes true alcoholism).
Again, I’m no expert on this topic, but it does seem like you are self medicating with alcohol to address your anxiety issues. I wonder what would happen if you had your doc put you on anti-anxiety meds. Would you still crave the alcohol?
That’s why I think the idea that anyone who ever drinks too much is an alcoholic is bullshit, and I’m not aware of any evidence to support it but people treat it like it’s gospel. I’ve drank too much during a really bad period of my life too, and if my life ever got bad enough I would again. I’ve also gone months where it didn’t even occur to me to drink, and years of moderate social drinking. Not everyone needs some dubious treatment, some people need to just change their habits and find other coping mechanisms, same as people who get in the habit of stress eating. Not everyone, but some.
And I agree, going 9 months without drinking is a good sign. Actually, my ex has a similar situation. Sometimes I felt like he really drank too much, but he’s in the Army and deployed like all the fucking time, and he doesn’t drink at all then. I don’t think he’s an alcoholic but I’m sure some people would think so just based on the fact that he’ll get up in the morning and drink sometimes. Not when he has to work (which is usually), just on days off. But if you have an open schedule and nothing in particular stopping you, it would be an easy habit to get into I think.