I’m on week two of outpatient rehab for alcohol addiction. 18 days sober today. It’s a full day program for people with alcohol, drug and gambling addictions. I’m one of about 10 alcoholics and one of three who are strictly alcoholics (the others do drugs as well). The rest of the gang, about 25 of us total, are a variety of gamblers, meth addicts, and crack-cocaine addicts.
Honestly, this is the most draining week I’ve ever been through. It’s SO emotionally charged that you go through hundreds of your own emotions a day (and try to learn how to deal with them) as well as feeling empathy for everyone else there when they’re in pain (emotionally or physically).
I’m learning that I drink to block out feelings and emotions, so now that I have to face them, I have to learn how to deal with them. I’m on a roller coaster this week and I have to FORCE myself to keep going and deal with these feelings, realizations and epiphanies. I always feel better afterwards, but I’ve sure had my moments (especially yesterday).
It’s hard being a normal person!
I have one more full week, then I (well, the fiance and the therapist) decide from there if I need to continue with something more or less intensive based on how I do.
Curious . . . just yesterday this non-addict (though I am officially an ACoA, so I have at least a hint of the rollercoaster ride you’re on) was wondering how you were doing. Good to know you’ve made it to 18. From there, it’s only a short hop to 19, then 20, then . . .
Hang in there. You have more people pulling for you than you may realize.
When I was in rehab, listening to other people’s stories, I thought those people had been following me around and making notes on everything I did. Realizing that I wasn’t unique and that I did not have a unique set of problems was the hardest thing for me to accept. Sounds like you’ve gotten past that and that’s great. Hang in there and do what they tell ya to do.
EmAnJ, I have suffered from major depression on and off over the years. Often it’s not the stereotypical sobbing but more of a feeling of being entirely numb and hopeless. When the meds start working, the worst part is that you start feeling emotions again - and because you’ve been depressed for so long, typically those feelings are pretty bad. (There’s a theory that the depressed people who commit suicide right when their current therapies are finally working do so because they now have the energy to do it.) I suspect you might be feeling much the same - so please hang in there. You’ve made the big step, now it’s a grind to keep at it until you figure out this whole “emotions” thing again.
Ha, thanks. Yes, I’ll never be normal! I’m ok with that.
We were talking about feelings today and how overwhelming they can be, and we all know we have to just feel them. Just sit and feel. It’s tough, but I’m making it through.
Just sending more good wishes your way, EmAnJ. I’m glad to hear you’re working with your treatment program! I know how hard work it is, and how draining. I’m still sending good thoughts your way.
When I look back on the end of my drinking and the beginning of my recovery, it’s almost like it happened to someone else, my life is so much better now.
I can be that way for you
Don’t give up, stick with short term, one day at a time goals, keep using the resources of the program.
Haven’t been there, won’t pretend. Tell you one thing. Went to some AA gatherings with my father. When it comes to interesting, intelligent and talented people to chat with, AA beats the snot out of Mensa.
A short while into my recovery (I’m at 13+ years now), I took a good look around at the people in the rooms. I saw how many people there are. How they came from all ‘walks of life’, and how each meeting had a whole different crop of people. I also thought about how many had tried, failed, and were back in hell. And how many hadn’t found the strength to get there yet.
This made me think that by adding up the numbers, we weren’t that far from “normal” after all!
