Iampahuna, I see your point, but I think you’re wrong. She had an option of being in a closer hospital, which would have been easier, but wanted the hospital she ended up in because it specializes in treating adolescents. If her main concern was “not being a burder” (and this has been a concern of hers in the past), she would have picked the closest hospital. Also, the one she’s in is real good a differentiating who wants to be there to get better, and who wants to be there for other reasons. I do believe that in taking the pills, she was thinking that she would either end up dead or in the psych ward, but either way it would mean she would get help. That’s what she really needs.
Bosda, thanks for the tips. I’m going to talk to her about them as soon as she comes home, and try to get her to agree to set up a daily walking schedule.
You guys (with the exception of the Eternal meatpickle) have come through in fine style. Thank you, thank you!
Worked in clinical psych for several years, including a lot of time in pediatric psych.
I can reiterate that medication can be a life changer. There’s no shame in it, or ought not be. But I have known many many patients who’s depression or other psychiatric problem truly was rooted in a chemical imbalance which was correctable through medication.
That’s not to say that there aren’t often other problems to address. Working with young women in their teens, I can say that some of them were dealing with some traumatic events (sexual abuse, etc.) that parents often were not aware of.
Not every case, mind you. But it’s important to rule that out too. But often the medication and careful monitering were all that was needed.
This may be completely off base, and I’m truly sorry if this offends you in any way.
When I was depressed (not nearly to the extent that your daughter is) what made me feel most like myself was spending time with my friends. It became a large problem, actually, because my parents wanted me to spend more and more time at home the worse I got (of course, they were unaware that I was depressed, we were just fighting more and my marks were dropping like crazy).
My suggestion to you in this respect is that if she wants to see her friends, spend time with them, let her. Within reasonable limits, of course, but while I’m sure you (like my parents) want to spend time with her and make her feel better, sometimes at that age she needs her friends, too.
LaurAnge, your remarks don’t offend me at all. We do let her spend quite a bit of time hanging out and talking on the phone with her friends. There were two friends she was hanging out with this past summer who gave her drugs (once, pot, and about eight times Adderall). She’s not allowed to see them at all unless it is here in our house when we are home, and even then, they have to stay in the living room area, not go somewhere more private. But I don’t think we’re too restrictive with her. I can remember being a teenager and practically living at friend’s houses!
As far as the sexual abuse, in family therapy she says no, but I’ve made it crystal clear to her that if there’s anything she’s just not comfortable discussing with her father and I, it’s okay to just talk about it privately with a therapist. We have no intention of looking a medication (they’re trying Prozac first) as a cure-all, only as one aspect of a regimen aimed at making her feel better as quickly and safely as possible.
As others have already pointed out, depression is less about sadness than a feeling utterly overwhelmed by your life. Unfortunately, depression itself distorts your thinking in such a way that things which might seem minor when you’re not depressed seem utterly hopeless when you are.
As I’m sure the healthcare professionals with whom you’ve had contact have told you, there are no “quick fixes” for clinical depression. There will be ups and downs as your daughter travels the path to wellness. There may be adjustments you need to make in your own life and your expectations of your daughter.
While healthcare professionals can tell you what’s going on medically with your daughter and what specific issues are causing her concern, you might like to check out this thread which I started over at FFF a while ago when the “dark beast” had me in its grip. The posts by irony/inor are as some of the best descriptions you’ll ever read about how depression feels to the person who’s experiencing it.
Although it’s an Australian site depressioNet is an excellent resource for both those suffering from depression and those who care about them. It maintains a 24/7 chatroom which is often used by people from overseas when it’s late at night and the resources in their own area are closed.
I wish you and your daughter all the best in the journey along her path to wellness. Feel free to email me if you need an “ear”.
Norinew my thoughts are with you at this time. It is encouraging to hear you state how open to and accepting of your daughter’s needs that you are. I am a therapist in a treatment facility for adolescent girls, and I see these type of things everyday. I can tell you a lot of girls don’t have a good support system and that can make a huge difference in her treatment. It is good to hear that she appears to be motivated, that may go up and down, but it is a good start. Hopefully, she can build a relationship with her therapist soon, and they can begin making progress to find out where this is coming from.
Family therapy is important for both the parents and the teenagers, and I am glad to hear that you are participating. Unfortunately, it is a long way away, and I hope that you do not get discouraged with the drive. What I think hasn’t been said before is that I hope you, as a parent, have a strong support system. It can be very draining, and it is important to remember your own emotional well being at this time as well. I see parents who get too wrapped up in their children’s illness and end up with problems themselves. This is not to take emphasis off of her problems, but remember to take care of yourself.
Things will get better. It takes work, but it will get better. Some people have to work hard to equilize out and will stay on medication, with therapy as needed, for the rest of their lives. For them Joy is an accomplishment as well as a delight.
Others seem to stabilize once the transition into adulthood is mostly over. The few people I have know who were depressed enough to be suicidal always had trouble sleeping when depressed. Either they had painful bouts of insomnia or they lost all energy and slept for large portions of the day. Re-establishing a normal, or at least comfortable, sleep pattern was the first sign that things were back under control.
Not sure how common that is, or if working to stabilize sleep patterns helps, but I thought I’d mention it.
Shabadu, in her case, it’s been pretty much determined that it isn’t “coming from” anywhere; it just exists, just like diabetes exists. I know sometimes the depression can be trauma-bsed, but in her case doesn’t seem to be.
The hospital she is in is a long way away, but the therapist she has been seeing and will continue to see, and will provide family therapy is right here in town, walking distance even.
I have a therapist of my own, a couple of very close friends, and a more supportive spouse than you can imagine! Which is all good, cuz otherwise I’d be losing it by now!! Oh, and let’s not forget I have all you guys
Hello all. I’m the 15 year old daughter that everyone hasbeen talking about I just wanted to let you all know that everything you have said has been really supportive (except for the eternal meatpickle) but thank you all very much for all the help.
Peace Out!
Daughter of Norinew, as someone else who first attempted suicide at 15, only with much less supportive parents, I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re doing better. I haven’t posted in this thread, but you’ve been in my thoughts. E-mail me if you need to, and take care. I’ve been kicking around for over 20 years since that attempt, so I can safely assure you that you can make it through this, even if it does seem impossible.
Nori, I’ve been in exactly the same situation. Without violating too many people’s privacy, let’s just say despite therapy and medication, it didn’t help and I spent a long afternoon and evening with someone in the Emergency Room.
There’s no more helpless feeling a parent can have than what you’re going through right now. There’s really not much advice I can give you right now except for two things.
Get family counseling. This has been a shock for each of you in your own way, and you need to pull back together as a group.
And I hate to say this, but don’t trust her alone until you and her therapist are reasonably sure she’s back on the right track. We changed work schedules, took locks off doors, locked up medications, and generally did a more thorough job ofg child-proofing our house than when our kids were little. The toughest thing you will have to do is try to rebuild the trust you had in your child.
Nori and family, I know only a little of what it’s like to hurt so much you want to end it right away. And I know how it feels to fear for the life of a loved one. You are in my prayers. Please hang in there.
Roadwalker.
Praying hon… i know how rough it is from your daughter’s perspective, but if she is getting help hopefully it will get her through this. Feel free to email me for support or questions.
I just wanted to let you all know that everything you have said has been really supportive (except for the eternal meatpickle) but thank you all very much for all the help.