This:
Is offensive on more levels than I care to count. It’s also a true-blue display of Ignorance of the sort that makes the Baby Cecil cry.
A Pit thread devoted to the wrongness of that post would require more energy than I can muster at this hour. If anyone else wants to take a shot at it before I wake, be my guest.
Eternal, you should be ashamed of yourself. :mad:
The times I have attempted I never really did want to die, I just wanted my problem to end. It seemed an inescapable contradiction to remain so. It still does. Part of me gets terribly frustrated and angry when people try to stop a suicide. The person may have reason to do it. To then stop it, to blindly treat a depression, it seems as if they have only trapped you, they have only made it bearable, not solved it. Fuck them.
You wouldn’t happen to* have a cite for that, would you?
Note especially the number of those women who used pills.
[sub]*I had originally planned to have this be one cite per letter, but frankly it’s getting to be too depressing and too pointless.[/sub]
I apologize to everyone for some of the phrasing in my last post. I intended to post support for norinew but got a bit sidetracked.
nori, when I was 16 I attempted suicide. I had battled depression for years. I had told my parents and asked for help and/or meds numerous times, but they wouldn’t take me seriously. They staunchly believed that “medicine is not the answer to anyone’s problems.” So I struggled on my own until about 2 months before the attempt. They finally found a counselor for me, but I just couldn’t connect with him. I hated every appoinment and didn’t tell him anything. I kept with it though, because I thought it would help. I had never had any therapy before and just told everyone it was going fine because I thought all therapists would be the same. Obviously, this man was not the right counselor for me, even if he was the right one for other patients. After my suicide attempt, I was committed to an adolescent psych ward for a little over a week. It was actually nice. The transistion medications and tranquilizers they had me on provided a sort of holiday from reality. When my Zoloft finally kicked in it was like gaining sight after being blind my whole life. I could react to stimuli like a ‘normal person.’ I had been drowning without knowing it. Before the mood stabilizers I had thought I was only inches away from the surface of the water when in reality I was swimming towards the bottom of the pool. Now, not only was I swimming in the right direction, but there was a floatie raft waiting for me when I got there. It’s hard to describe how it feels to realize that your highest emotions were actually pretty crappy when compared to what they could have been.
More than likely, your daughter will experience the same thing. She’ll work hard and recover. There will be some backsliding and bad days, but overall she will be amazed at how much better things can get. Encourage her to tell her doctors everything no matter what. Different drugs work best on different people. She has to be honest about just how well it’s working.
As for you, you’ll have to step back and let her come to you. Do not for a minute think that you failed her in some way. You did not go wrong anywhere. Not only does thinking like that have the potential to harm you, it can also harm your daughter. She loves you very much and hates the pain you will go through because of what has happened. She will be able to see it if you blame yourself or think nonstop about it. And she will worry and try to protect you from it if she sees you suffering. None of what happened was your fault. Nor was it hers. It’s an illness. You did what you could by talking to her about it and bringing her to a therapist. That was the very best you could have done for her. Now you have to concentrate on treating her like a normal kid while letting her know you’re always there to talk to. Or if she feels uncomfortable talking to a parent, you can always help by scheduling doctor appointments, etc. Don’t overcrowd her. Be aware of any symptoms of depression, but do not automatically assume that one day spent lounging in bed means the worst. Just be a caring mom.
I’m sure everything will turn out fine. She’s in a good physciatric unit and receiving help.
I’m sorry this post was so long-winded and probably difficult to understand. After all, it is 3:15 in the morning, and a very emotional subject. Nonetheless, feel free to e-mail me with any questions, comments, or plain old conversation.
{{{{{{{norinew family}}}}}}
I’m so glad she got a second chance. My kid’s on meds and it’s made an enormous difference for him. Without meds, I’m certain he would have tried suicide in the last couple of years.
Eternal, if you were right some of my friends would still be living 
Not to seem blunt, but what an asshole.
Sorry, wrong window, that was meant for the pit thread that iampunha opened. Obviously.
Much love, norinew.
(norinew)
does the psychiatric facility have a policy against staff patient contact?
if not, and your daughter responds well to hugs, make sure she gets some.
Norinew, this must be terribly difficult for you, your daughter and your entire family. Fortunately, no permanent physical harm has occurred and she is being cared for in a good facility. They will help find the right medication for her. (Maybe not on the first try, but there are so many available, they will find one.) The right meds make a world of difference. Also, they can recommend a psychiatrist to see after your daughter is discharged. Good luck to you all!
iampahuna, an email will be on the way a little later to answer all your questions. They are personal, but this is a personal type of situation, and I did invite all of you into it!
The rest of you: Thanks so much for the kind thoughts, etc. We know that this is neither our fault, nor hers. She has apologized endlessly for “putting us through this”, but we told her she’s being rediculous. Woule she apologize to us for being diabetic? (sorry if that analogy is getting a little old. It’s just so apt) Of course not!
Last night, we had a session that was called “evaluation”, and as far as we can tell, this was not caused by external factors. There have been no particular traumas that coincide with the beginning of the depression.
As far as Eternal is concerned, while he did come across as an asshole, I do agree that she didn’t really mean to kill herself. She took the pills while she was talking to her friend on the phone, said friend hung up on her and called 911. It was a cry for help. We were already in the midst of trying to help her, but I guess the help we were getting wasn’t sufficient/acting quickly enough to fill her needs. She needed more. Now she’s getting it. Of course, as for Eternal’s sexist statement at the end, I won’t even justify it with a response.
Again, thank you!!
Nori, I am so sorry that you are going through this worry and angst. But she’s already on the road to recovery because she’s getting good care.
I am not a doctor, but it’s my feeling that she shouldn’t need to be bipolar to need medication. Perhaps now she will get it. For a long time I labored under the belief that antidepressants were only for people who were really crackers, and that they turned patients into zombies. Boy is that not true.
When I was 17 I got very very depressed. I was so anxious and messed up–but I carried on without saying anything. When I finally got desperate, I wrote my parents a letter telling them I was worried about myself. We made some changes and I changed my school schedule mid-term so I could get some breathing room (my depression was caused by the fact that my ex-boyfriend had started dating my best friend–I needed to be away from her for awhile).
I think I’ve battled depression several times since then, on my own, because I didn’t realize how much a doctor could help me. It wasn’t until a few years ago that my dissertation coach told me she thought she saw signs of depression creeping up on me. I saw my doctor and went on Celexa and the world is entirely different now. I had a good life, but I just felt so much weight and negativity on me all the time. Now I can appreciate what I have, and my inner life more closely matches my outer life.
I tell you all this because I love talking about myself. Well, that’s not the only reason. I want you to know that a depressed teenager can go on to have a fabulous, productive, happy life, with the normal ups and downs that all people have. She’s got a great future, especially with a loving family who cares about her and has the attitude that you have.
Norinew,
I tried to kill myself when I was 14, it followed several years of depression. Afterwards it was automatically assumed that I must be insane to attempt something like that, I was put on huge amounts of medication, made to go see a shrink 3 times a week, and procedures we put in place for me to be commited.
I resent all of that now, I resent the way I was treated, and to some degree I still resent my parents for putting me through the drugs and therapy, although I understand they had no idea how to cope and did the best they could. But I just wanted to be left alone. Although had it not been done I honestly don’t know if I would be around today. Catch22.
I understand your daughter is going into this of her own free will, and of course she will react differently to the way I did, but just be aware that too much help might not necessarily be a good thing.
I dunno, I guess I’m trying to say don’t smother her, after my attempt I was never left alone for more than five minutes, it damn near actually drove me mad. She’s still going to need time to be alone, and even though you might panic and think she’s doing something silly, you still need to allow her to have her own space.
Here is the Pit thread Larry Mudd referenced. Sorry I forgot to link to it earlier. What can I say? I was 5 AM. Paddy was tiiiiiiiiiired. The requested guest of … well, something (honor doesn’t quite fit), Eternal, is hereby invited to explain/defend the comments in question.
Nori, my best to you. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it would be to see your child go through this. Truly, I wish you the best. You are clearly a caring parent.
Sincerely,
Tibs.
Oh, forgot to say something. Watch her closely. When I’m sucidal, I don’t go around telling people. I don’t call my therapist (though I signed a contract that said I would), I don’t tell my husband, I sink into myself. I don’t know how common this is, but if she wants to try again, I doubt she’s going to announce it.
I dunno either, plg, but when I’ve been suicidal I sure as hell haven’t been wanting to tell much of anyone about it … mainly because A) they’d try to talk me out of it and B) I just want to be left the hell alone.
Pepper that’s horrible! Further proof that all prospective parents should take “Parents’ Ed” before they get their Parent’s Licence. Your mom’s remarks should have resulted in a fine and at least 17 demerit points on her Parent Record (resulting in higher insurance premiums). [sub]If only it was that simple…[/sub]
Even in the most stable and loving environment, there is the possibility of depression that is biochemcial in nature. The worst scenario is when someone is brave enough to ask for help and the response is mockery. Oh, how dreadful.
Norinew the fact that your daughter wants help is an excellent and very optimistic sign. Mood disorders can be best treated when the patient realizes there is a problem and wants treatment. Good luck, and hopefully they’ll be able to soon find a proper course of treatment to manage her depression so that she can continue on to a healthy and happy adulthood.
I hate to be the one to say this, but is it possible that the daughter in question is cooperating not because she wants to be there, but because she doesn’t want to be a burden? I’m getting a stronger feeling that she wants to be as little trouble as possible, and she thinks that if she cooperates, it’ll all be easier for her parents in the end.
This is not meant in any sense to be a statement regarding parenting skills or lack thereof; I wouldn’t indict my parents for the depression I had at all; it was nothing they could really protect against. Especially in my case, it was almost completely beyond their control. I just don’t think that assuming she wants to be there for her, as opposed to what she thinks her parents want (whether or not that’s a valid assessment of what they want). And I speak here from very bitter, somewhat-recent personal experience.
I have had problems with clinical depression for years.
Tips:[list=1]
[li]Winter is a “trouble” time. Holidays can be a Hell, and low light levels in winter make depression worse.[/li][li]Get some outdoor excercise. Depression can quickly be lifted with a brisk walk or a bike ride. Go with her![/li][li]Dark rooms feed depression. Turn on the lights! Add more lights! Consider painting the walls white, to reflect what light there is.[/li][li]Quiet=Trouble. I was at my worst when I was quiet. Stay with her.[/li][/list=1]
Whoo[s! Boss is calling! Talk later!
As a teenager who has struggled with clinical depression and half-hearted suicide attempt, I must assert that it does get better. If you’d pass this along to your daughter, it may prove helpful. I’m only a year older than her myself, and I’ve been through similar situations. Depression isn’t permanent.
As a parent, you need to be assured that A) it’s not your fault and B) be confidant that your daughter is on friendly terms with her counselor. I know my therapist and I have come to achieve a friendship-like relationship, and that has helped immensly. Best of wishes to her.