Wait, you also graduated?
Well congrats! Well done! And what do we call you now? Jragon, BA? Jragon, MSc?
I’m sorry your graduation weekend had to be like this. You did the right thing, and I hope things calm down soon so you have a chance to properly break out he champagne!!
That was only the text of the promise. She actually asked you to promise not to cut off her most reliable means of emotional manipulation - essentially, “please promise to let me hurt you and never stop me from doing so.”
You made the right choice. In a similar situation, I made the wrong choice, and paid for it. Over and over, to nobody’s benefit (not hers, not mine). You did right by her, everyone she knows and interacts with, and most importantly yourself.
I can sympathize. I know this feeling so, so well.
Agreed. And the best thing for you is to get a whole lot of gone between you and her.
I wanted to address what you said here.
You did nothing wrong by “breaking” the promise you made to her. It was a promise made under duress to prevent a person from dying. Would you feel guilty for lying to her or making a promise you intended to break if she were holding a gun to a bystander’s head? This is an analogous situation.
Her problems are far too big for you to handle, and you wouldn’t be able to help her. Your presence would only allow her to continue her self- and other-destructive behavior.
This is the police’s job. It’s called a welfare check. They’re used to it. They do it all the time. They have the training, the knowledgeand they have the authority to take her to the hospital against her will, if they determine it’s necessary.
Do not beat yourself up over this.
Well, if it means avoiding her, I’m not sure I’d call it a disorder. 
Not really. They have the authority but tbh 95% of them won’t really have much in the way of training and knowledge other than to say “oh, there’s a nut”.
That’s the reality of the situation, at least on this side of the pond. They do a fair bit of it (much as as I understand it they spend a lot of time now sorting out arguments on facebook between the underclass - and I’m not making that up!) but they are not mental health professionals by any means.
You realize that social avoidance behavior makes you vulnerable to women with any of the above disorders, right? Because one thing they have in common is that they come on STRONG. If they want you, they want you (or rather, someone who will fulfill their painful needs) so hard you’ll know it and it won’t take much effort on your part, either.
Please find a way to get a woman whose only need for you is tha actual you. And that will probably take some getting out of your shell and taking some initiative.
Well…at least you now know better what is your alternative.
I don’t know if I agree with the restraining order part. It doesn’t seem that the OP is in any physical danger, and with a girl of this sort, I’m not sure how much impact a restraining order will have. To the contrary, it’s possible that ongoing legal issues relating to the restraining order will keep him more in her mind and prevent her from moving on.
Plus there’s always the risk that she turns around and gets a restraining order on him.
Done good.
One suicide threat? Take it seriously. More than half a dozen threats and obviously fraudulent attempts? She’s crying “Wolf!” to get what she wants from people.
Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit. DO NOT let her remain even on the periphery of your life. No contact, no calls, no texts, nothing.
I agree.
You did the right thing.
And thank you. As a member of society we need more people to have the courage to do what you did, engage the others in society who care about her and get the professionals involved. If more people did what you have done we’d have to start accepting that mental illness is something that needs to be dealt with before there are corpses, not after. A refusal to be drawn into the downward spiral of drama is exactly what she needs. You can’t throw a drowning person a lifeline unless you’re on firm ground yourself.
I’d urge you to write a letter, containing most of your OP, and send it to your congressman and local representatives. Ask them to create legislation which provides professional support from mental health workers(psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc.) for people in situations like yours and hers. You were hesitant to call the police because you don’t want her treated like a criminal. This was an understandable fear, and entirely correct. The criminal justice system is not well equipped to help heal mental illness, it’s set up to punish criminal behaviors.
Write your representative and tell them you want them to help create a new social service which has the authority to take action if someone is likely to be a danger to themselves or others. The American Psychiatric Association has been pushing for exactly this for years and it’s time we, as a society, stopped stigmatizing the mentally ill and helped them instead of waiting for their time bomb to go off and locking them up.
Thanks,
Steven
BS in Computer Science. Thanks :).
This is true, and I do have to work on it. I can effectively cut off girls I was best friends with two days ago because I get a crush on them, due to the paranoia and panic attacks.
That said, it’s pretty moot, I can’t really have a relationship for 7+ years anyway. Not because of this event or some weird thing about not dating for 7 years after a relationship. I’m just likely going to be leaving the country for a year, and then going to grad school for several years (hopefully abroad), and then doing my postdoc, and then likely finally moving again when I get a job somewhere. Getting into a long term relationship just isn’t practical, or fair to whoever I’d be ditching to move yet again.
That’s silly. If you meet someone that you really connect with, you don’t ditch them because you’re moving. You either change your long-term plans to accommodate the relationship or you work out the logistical issues.
Jragon - don’t cut yourself off from the possibility of a wonderful relationship just because your life will be busy and not nailed down in one spot. If you find someone you love and, more importantly, who loves YOU, then there is very little that is impossible.
I met my now husband when I was a Freshman in college, and he was Pre-med. He was a couple of years ahead of me, and so graduated first, and we lived in two separate states. We went from college, to med school, to Residency, to Fellowship, and then several jobs. He worked insane hours, and we moved a lot. But I was okay with it, because it was a relationship I cared about, and he did (and still does) his best to see that I’m happy too. I met him 30 years ago, and through all that we are still together - and there were some really really tough times too.
It can happen, you just have to let it 
Congrats on the degree and on having such a good plan for the coming years!
Oh, and you did absolutely the right thing, do not beat yourself up. She needs help that you can’t give, and you need to focus on your life. Maybe, somewhere down the road when you are in a more stable situation and she (hopefully) has gotten some help, you two can reconnect. For now, I think it’s best for both of you if you stay away from her.
Good luck, let us know how it goes~
Jragon, if you meet the love of your life sometime in the next seven years, and you let her go because you’re too busy, I’ll just have to find you and beat you up, on behalf of all single guys who’d love to have that happen to them.
I agree that you acted appropriately in this situation – especially in calling the police.
I agree that manipulative threats of suicide are emotionally abusive. But it is still not easy to distinguish between serious threats and manipulative threats. They would be hard to prove in court one way or the other. Even manipulative threats can become dangerous. She could accidentally injuire or kill herself. Further, threats of suicide should always be taken seriously. The threats themselves are a symptom of a mental illness such as depression. And who knows? She may even mean it when she says it.
Contacting the police or contacting her nearest family member is all that can be expected of you. You are not responsible for her.
Even if she does it often, someone should still summon help.
The attitude in this thread toward mental illness is a little shallow. One in ten people have some form of mental disorder or illness. One in four experiences depression (one of different varieties) either themselves or in their families. That doesn’t necessarily mean that this person should be stamped “insane” and removed from all contacts. If fact, insane is a legal term and not a diagnosed illness.
I think that the OP made a wise decision in every direction. Now let go. I’ve had an experience in the past few years of someone in the family threatening suicide to just about everyone in the family and then not answering our frantic calls to him. The next time, I will call the local police on him. Thanks for reminding me of my options.