Well he doesn’t call it that, he just says he took a fistfull of sleeping pills with liquor because he was so angry. This wasn’t the first time either, apparently he’s done this a before while I was in the army.
Kevin (fake name) suffers from depression and has serious anger issues both of which he takes medication for. He lives off his parents who are wealthy enough to support him (probably all his life, need be) and has a girlfriend. Both attempts were after fighting with his girlfriend. They fight pretty often and pretty heatedly, Kevin having broken several cell phones by throwing them against the wall, that schmuck. From knowing him as well as I do, I get the sense both attempts were not motivated by hopelessness but petty retribution rather, along the lines of “I’ll be dead then you’ll be sorry!” Normally seeing a couple fight like that, I would just advise them break up but Kevin has always been overly dependent on his girlfriends. I think if she dumped him, he might attempt suicide again and maybe succeed this time.
He’s been one of my best friends since middle school and I haven’t seen him do anything with himself as long as I’ve known him except go from girlfriend to girlfriend. He’s actually a very charming guy, so he has no trouble finding women but that seems to be only thing he’s capable of or willing to do.
He’s depressed because he knows he’s a fuckup and doesn’t work using his depression as a crutch and because he knows he won’t go hungry even if he doesn’t. He’s not doing anything with his life and I fear he’s only going to get worse and maybe next time he won’t be so lucky with those sleeping pills.
Is there anything I can really do to help him in this situation? Every time I see him he just seems to digging himself deeper and deeper into his hole and I really have no idea what’s going to become of him.
Thanks for any replies in advance.
When he made the attempt, was he taken to the hospital and did he get a psychiatric evaluation there?
At least in the USA, if you have reason to believe that someone is a danger to themselves or other people, in most places you can call 911 to have them
taken to a hospital for a psych eval.
Getting him to seek professional help (either voluntarily or involuntarily) is really all you can do.
I am getting a flavor of “personality disorder” from your description of him.
You can’t expect to fix someone like that yourself. He has to recognize he has a problem and be willing to get help for anything to get better.
Depression is a mood disorder and it often goes hand in hand with anger. He is probably not working because he is ill. He is not digging himself in farther and farther. He is getting sicker and sicker. Thank goodness he has such a caring friend in you.
Do his parents know about his pills and alcohol combination? You may have sworn not to tell, but you need to tell his doctor at least. We are talking about a person whose brain probably has the judgment ceter damaged at the moment.
You are right that he might very well kill himself by accident. Anger is so impulsive and suicidal impulsives are too. If he doesn’t kill himself, he might do terrible brain damage.
He needs to see a psychiatrist to see about getting medicine for the illness he has. He also needs therapy. It may be with the psychiatrist or with a psychologist. He needs to learn to find his value within himself and not just as a reflection in the eyes of someone else.
You can try to talk some sense into him about getting help now for his impulses. If he won’t go for it, talk with his girlfriend or his parents or even just one of his parents or his doctor. You are in a better position to judge who is most appropriate. People can be depressed without knowing they are depressed. It may seem like just a ridiculous state of out-of-control confusion.
Where does his anger come from exactly? You believe the girlfriend is causing this and he is sorta trying to do get back at her by attempting suicide? Does that mean you think he wants her to feel sorry for him or something different? You personally don’t think he is suicidal and that he is just looking for attention? Sorry, just trying to clarify your take on the situation… It’s a little different for people who don’t really want to die but just want the attention. He sounds a little spoiled from your post. Does he have any responsibilities? If so, does he take pride in his responsibilities? How is the both of you guys relationship? Is it brotherly or just friendly?
Everyone else, what causes anger? I know that there are personal issues for each person that could cause anger but if you could sum it up into a few words, which words would you choose? I would go with “hurt” but I wonder if that’s it.
Suicide seems like the ultimate defensive measure someone could take, “the only way to shield yourself 100% is to rid yourself of everyone else”
He was hospitalized but don’t know about the evaluation.
He has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression. He’s on meds and gets weekly evaluations or therapy sessions but he had been neglecting his meds when this happened. He’s been pretty good about taking them these days, but he says he they make him sleep too much and there was something else but he wouldn’t get into it (it’s not sexual, because I asked him that). So I told him to stay on the meds and got half-hearted reply that was not very convincing.
Hennessy, I think you’re trying to ask what the source of his problems might be and I think I have an idea, but no solutions. The source, from as long and as well as I’ve known him, is that he has no discipline and consequences of that. He can’t force himself to do anything that doesn’t have immediate gratification. He’s thrown away a million opportunities because of this and he knows it too. He has nothing take pride in except the fact that he can get laid easily enough but I doubt that’s enough. So I’ve told him a million times to get a job, even a shitty one, because I know being productive helps with these sorts of things and maybe he’ll find some direction. But that more or less falls on deaf ears. It’s kind of pathetic, and frustrating from my end. In middle and high school, not getting expelled was all that he had to do, but now that he’s an adult (in age at least), he doesn’t really seem capable of well… Being an adult.
As for his girlfriend, I think she has her own issues and is kind of a bitch.
Every suicide attempt should be taken seriously. The more frequently one attempts suicide, the more likely one is to succeed. I despise this idea that some people only do it for the attention, and that somehow merits different treatment. If you would bring yourself close to death for any reason deliberately than obviously you are in a world of hurt. We should not minimize the real suffering this guy is going through.
And yeah, I’m getting ‘‘personality disorder’’ vibes too. The next time he tries to kill himself, call 911 and get him a psych eval. This guy needs serious help.
If he has borderline personality disorder, see if he can get into Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. This is a treatment for BPD with a very strong evidence base that was developed by a woman with the disorder. Unlike the usual blame the victim approach that typically happens with BPD patients, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy focuses on validating the patient’s experience and helping him become more aware of his emotional states and the behaviors that result from them.
AFAIK, the only effective treatment for borderline personality disorder currently available is DBT.
Just chiming in to point out that while you want to help…and should help if you can…keep in mind that it isn’t under your control.
If you aren’t trained to handle situations like this, it’s important to reach out to get real advice. The wrong move can be just as bad (or worse) than doing nothing.
Is there a suicide hotline in the area? Maybe call them and ask them to direct you to useful resources.
I want to second what Digital said. I know you want to help your friend - that’s natural. But BPD & depression are serious illnesses and he needs to see a doctor about them. It’s not your fault he’s sick. It’s not his fault either. Sometimes the illness he has is fatal - that’s not anyone’s fault either. The best thing you can do is find a doctor that specializes in BPD and Dialectical Cognitive Therapy, like olives suggested, but it will be up to him to pursue it. It’s not your responsibility to see that he does. It’s not your fault if he doesn’t.
It sounds like he has impulse control issues rather than being truly suicidal. Of course that doesn’t mean he won’t manage to go too far one day, but the fact that he does nothing that involves delayed gratification and the only stimulation he has in his life is from manufactured relationship drama, I think a therapist and maybe some meds would be helpful while he gets his act together.