Checked by operator 83.
I like the Homer Simpson approach:
“You will be aroused by a shampoo commercial.”
“The price of stamps will climb ever higher.”
“You will invent a humorous toilet lid.”
“You will find true love on Flag Day.”
“Your store is being robbed, Apu.”
A rare form of adult-onset dyslexia is about to dfmmpf kdrsajrek shdfa fjklew
I’d stick to only doing actual fortunes. And little ones at that.
Instead of the classic “You will find true love on Flag Day.” I’d write something less specific like “Your love life will improve by Flag Day.”
I hate those non-fortunes. Bits on lame wisdom. Random sayings. “Cold reading” quotes (“You are a kind but misunderstood person.”) Etc.
"Flowers gathered in the morning,
"Afternoon they bloosom on,
"Still are withered in the evening,
“You can be me when I’m gone.”
You can’t try to walk down two different roads and look to both of them to bring you home.
(I stole that from Mike Nesmith)
“Don’t order the duck”
Or, one of my all-time favorites:
“That wasn’t chicken.”
“Free advice is often worth what you pay for it”
“Beware the false Lama”
“This fortune slip is dosed with blotter acid. Enjoy”
“cash value 1/100 yuan”
“You will have regular bowel movements.”
help im locked in the basement they do things to me at night help please oh god theyre comi
I would make them incredibly specific.
“Paul, your wife is sleeping with David”
“Your silver Nissan Altima will soon be recalled”
“Yes, Brenda was making fun of you at that party”
“Your thrift store sportcoat has $300 sewn into the lining”
99% of the time, nothing, but once in a while…
Don’t duck the order.
-You are too old to believe in fortune cookies.
-If you got this fortune out of the cookie with no breakage, using your tongue only, call me now at 555-1212.
-You will be
-This space intentionally left blank.
-You will be the subject of a celebrated write up in a major medical journal.
The waiter knows kung fu. Tip well.
Regards,
Shodan
“I licked the inside of this cookie.”
Please Pay Your Server
I am entertaining myself turning these into Trump fortunes by adding “Sad!” to the end of all of them.
Bee’s love you even if you don’t love them back. Sad! (astro)
You have a particular set of skills. Sad! (snfaulkner)
etc.
It’s spelled “segue”
“Thank you for your custom. We hope you enjoyed your meal. Now fuck off.”
I got one once that said; “Embarrassing photos will surface.”