The antichrist has risen.
Your soul will be tormented for 1000 years.
Puke ensues.
Extra MSG
Some will die on the way home.
Beware your next airplane flight.
You will not accomplish your goals.
Do not leave the restaurant.
Listen to your dog. He knows what you should do.
Sex with prostitutes is free if you kill them afterward, or during. Or before.
“Live like you are the front end of the pantomime horse, even if you are the rear end.”
“You will conquer many countries and subjugate entire peoples to achieve success.”
“Be on the lookout for falling pianos; They cast their shadows beforehand.”
“You will receive some high prize or award or “Congratulations! You’ve won a prize.” letter.”
“Your neighbor’s cat will shit in your flowerpot and make you angry today.”
“Don’t touch the rod while it is still hot.”
“A short stranger will soon enter your life and ask you to reach for something from the top shelf.”
“Land is always on the mind of a flying hippopotamus.”
“What breaks in a moment may take hours for the smell to fade.”
“You are not a goat.”
“Discover the poo within yourself.”
“You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can change your underpants.”
You will crush your enemies under your chariot wheels, and hear the lamentations of their women.
Help, i am trapped in a Chinese bakery!
“Do not react to this. Pretend everything is normal. Your house is bugged. Your phone is bugged. They are always watching. Destroy this message. Leave via the back. We will be in touch.”
“The final Pokemon Go location is 300 meters north of the remains of the Menri monastery, approximately 29.509°N 89.535°E”
“Sorry - your fortune is in another cookie”
This cookie is known to the State of California to cause cancer.
You will soon meet a tall, dark cliche.
The harmonic series diverges. However, the alternating harmonic series converges, specifically to ln(2).
“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn”
Most people around you know more languages than you do.
Change your password NOW.
Do not step on the orange floor tile.
You will be the subject of a headline.
Next time, order the 蘑菇雞片.
OH SHIT ! I don’t think I going to eat Chinese food anymore ! LOL!
“The alternating harmonic series converges to ln(2).”
Mmmmmm, mushroom chicken.
Your doctor missed something important.
You will find the love of your live in Mogadishu.
Everything you love will become a burden to you.
No one knows what you did, yet.
You have already met your assassin.
Kim Jong Un will vaporize your house. Trump will blame Hilary.
Being lazy and having Internet access, I’ll simply rip off lines from country music
Your cheatin’ heart will make you weep
Worry, why do you let yourself worry, wondering what in the world did you do?
Don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys
Stand by your man
Blue ain’t your color
I would write, "Anything your read in a fortune cookie is, depending on your age, either horseshit or bullshit.
Put everything on horse 9 in race 5 at Royal Randwick next Saturday
The young lion will overcome the older one
Try again