So, One of the Skeletons Fell Out of My Closet

:: rereads OP ::
Hum, okay, I skipped too lightly over that part. Revenge may be the wrong word then… ‘greater gentlemanliness’ maybe.

I’m a sentimental old fool. I sometimes look up old friends. Mostly just to know they are alive and ok. No ulterior motives. Just remembered fondness. Usually it dies away in a few emails and my curiousity is sated for the next decade or so.

Stop right there. The OP isn’t an old friend. He’s the guy who dumped her with no explanation.

This can’t end well. She wants closure, and it’s an open sore that’s been festering for twenty years.

Ya know, I have looked up many of my exes on Myspace. Not for any reason other than boredom. Some of them I would like to have back in mylife on a semi-permanent schedule (heck, I liked them enough to date them at some point, I still think they’re a decent person kind of thing) others…well, I have just been curious about their lives.

I even looked up a guy who got his 6’6"/200lb ass beat by my 5’1"/110 teenaged self for telling people he was banging me and that I had numerous diseases (none of which was true – he was just trying to piss me off – it worked). He took a swing at me, and well…shiat, I grew up with 2 older brothers, trust me – I can hold my own. I looked him up and he and I have a nice, if sparse friendship. What’s in the past is in the past, and we’re adults now.

Oh, and having gained 100 lbs shouldn’t be a sticking point, asshole :slight_smile: Some of us have had problems with that – be careful with how you treat her now while she’s heavy, she might just have gastric bypass and lose that weight – and then ya might be sorry you dissed her! (just teasing ya, but seriously, don’t mention her weight to her – trust me, she knows how fat she is)

If she takes the messages into a realm in which you don’t feel comfortable (“hey, wanna cyber”, “hey, wanna meet up while I’m in town for a quickie”, “hey, you’re a dad”) then just tell her that what is in the past is in the past and you are not interested. That simple. If she insists, restraining order :slight_smile:

Hey, I’m not that stoopid! :smiley: Besides, I know how fast she can lose weight. Shortly after we hooked up, she dropped 25 pounds to impress me (I hadn’t commented anything about her weight, and she wasn’t excessively heavy then). While I’m sure her metabolism’s slowed down, there’s probably enough of her old spirit left that she could drop it all quickly.

And you’ll inform everyone of what happened to me if you read my obit in the paper, won’t you? :wink:

I agree that this might be her thinking. Haven’t we all done jerkish stuff during our early dating years? Maybe she doesn’t even hold the bad way things ended against you since you were both just kids at the time. Seems to me that it’s more likely she is just looking to reminisce with someone from her youth than it is for her to have kept a grudge over what happened 20 years ago.

Is there a reason you can’t just ask her why she contacted you now? (I don’t mean that in a snarky way, but seriously asking.)

Because you need private schooling at the hand of old Jesuits to find people on MySpace.

:dubious: Maybe I’m not understanding that right…

Doesn’t UCLA offer a major in Internet socializing?

No, because people who are high school dropouts in this part of the world tend not to know how to use computers.

featherlou, she said that it’s just to say, “Hi” and that she misses me nd others that she knew at the time, but it doesn’t ring true, ya know?

This sort of thing is just one of the reasons I don’t–and never will–get involved in myspace. I value my privacy way too much, and while I’ve been known to Google the occasional ex, I aim to keep the past in the past. I would never dream of getting in touch with anyone I used to sleep with.

tucker, my advice to you would be to let this go and not pursue it. The past is past, and neither of you will get closure out of this. Old girlfriends are like old sticks of dynamite. They’re both a lot trickier to handle than you remember them being back in the day.

If Tuckerfan decides to meet this woman after all these years, and it looks like the kind of situation THaIS describes, do the following:[ul][li]Arrange to meet at a comfortable, not-expensive, yet classy coffee shop.[]Dress casually yet attractively. []Be in reasonable physical and mental shape, with no anger-management issues, facial tics, or forehead tattoos.[]Drive up in something unusual, even exotic, but subdued and smart: a black (not red) Tesla sports car, an original Avanti (restored), or better yet a Tucker. :slight_smile: []Be gracious. Ask questions. Do not take notice of any faux pas she may commit. Stay centred and do not be drawn into any psycho-dramas she may present.[]Do not linger after the meal. Leave relatively early, saying that you’re off to meet your wife/husband/board of directors/limo to the airport for that flight to Tokyo/obscure awards ceremony/physical trainer/understudy.[]Leave no contact information.[/ul]If she’s trying to pull you down into a vortex, you’ve shown that you’re past that, and have achieved the revenge of living better.[/li][/QUOTE]

Awesome advice.

I’ve had the same thing happen or done the same thing. I call it the “Whatever happened to…” scenario.

It’s kind of like doing the highschool reunion thing, but for your non-classmates.

Since you may never know what she wants, what do you want, Tucker? Do you want her to disappear and never bother you again/go for coffee/get married and have kids with you/none of the above?

I had an old girl friend I dated in college call me out of the blue a few years ago. I had dumped her rather unceremoniously (hey, I was young), and couldn’t imagine that she would have any fond memories of me at all. On the contrary, she’s apparently placed our relationship on a pedestal as an icon of what all relationships should be.

Memory is a peculiar thing.

Just friends, provided she doesn’t attempt to pull any mindfucks. Being an Inst-A-Dad[sup]TM[/sup] to 3 kids who’ve probably had questionable upbringing is not my idea of a good time.

She wants something. Probably money. I would not continue this. It can’t end well.

Or maybe she just wants a night of wild ex-sex.

and thanks for the visual…planning on never speaking to an ex-anything ever again.

Perhaps the relationship meant a whole lot less to her than Tucker thinks it did?
Maybe it really is some sort of mostly forgotten teenage fling and she just wants to get together with what (to her) is simply an old friend?