Well it is possible she’s just curious what happened to you. If you don’t want to see her you can just reply to her email and politely say Hi and that your life is pretty busy right now, etc.
I’m with you, Auntie. ( Not literally “with” you of course. Then again, that guy who is always standing at the PowerAde section of the 7-11 in a stained old graying t-shirt that says " I heart NY " and is wearing mis-matched flipflops and a derby who is always seen rubbing the side of his mouth might be me. Might not. Who can say? Best not to worry. Just assume when I say I’m with you, it’s in the more ethereal sense. 
)
I do sometimes find old school pals or friends from H.S. or college. Something will happen that makes me think of them and I get the “Gee, what happened to them” thoughts.
Had a very VERY amazing one happen a few years ago. A man was asked to read from his book on N.P.R. and they announced his name as he started to read a bit from the book. I almost drove off the road. Grabbed a scrap of paper, scribbled down his web site and title of his book.
Dropped my kid off at his rollerhockey game, got home and got online. Wrote him an email. We went through Jr. HS and HS together and were exceedingly cruel to each other the entire time. We were both pretty tortured in school by others and he and I would ( incredibly ) take it out on each other.
It was a treat to get a note back from him. We wrote a few times, had a phone conversation that lasted well over 2 hours and put to rest a lot of bad old feelings. It was a great contact point, one I am glad I went for. We write once or twice a year now and at least have a nice adult way of communicating.
Reaching into the past is not always a bad or creepy thing to do. Just have to find out why the OTHER person has reached out to you, or why you are compelled to reach out to the other person.
Have I tried finding the Great Unrequited Love Of My Life ? You betcha. Well. I haven’t hired private dicks or anything, but I’ve Googled. She’s off the grid. Ahh well. 
Cartooniverse
may I suggest you look at it from one (selfish) angle?:
Ask yourself two questions:
!. What is there for me to gain from meeting this ex?
2. What is there for me to lose from meeting this ex?
It seems to me that the plus side is pretty weak: you may satisfy your curiosity, which is a nice feeling. (like scratching an itch). But you are not likely to ignite true love/find the meaning of life/have great monkey sex.
And the down side seems pretty scary. Potential ruin of your current family/financial life.
But please do keep us informed!! this is one of those threads that you wonder about …
Well, I think she might be dead. (No foolin’.) We exchanged a more few emails and she talked about taking a trip up this way to see some people she knew and suggested getting a cup of coffee or something. I said, “Sure, what the heck.” She seemed enthusiastic, but later on a problem came up indicating that she wouldn’t be able to make it when she planned. I get a couple of emails from her that have an “odd” tone to them, with her mentioning that something’s not quite right with her home life, then I get an email where she says she thinks she’s losing her mind, and then nothing. So far, the emails I’ve sent to her since then have gone unanswered. Been about a week now, since I heard from her, and she was emailing me almost every day.
I checked her myspace page, and while it shows that she logged in yesterday, the comments people have posted all are, “Where you at? Haven’t heard from you?” Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice.
I second eleanorigby.
Run!
I think Harmonious nailed it back in the second post. If her life has been hitting a lot of rough spots lately she may look back on your relationship in an idealized way. She may have panicked when she realized she was on the verge of transforming the idealistic image into the possibility of a real crash.
Some woman feel they deserve to be treated like shit, and so look for that guy.
Are you sure she isn’t selling something? I had an old classmate, whom I was never friends with, look me up and try to sell me insurance. Even if she is not the insurance type, there are other things to sell.
Maybe she is looking for closure?
Urgh. Did she mention anything about depression or domestic abuse?
I’m betting her Hubby caught wind of her exchanges with you and somehow put a stop to it. Hopefully she’s OK.
My other thought is that maybe she’s in such need of attention that she wants to see who will miss her if she “disappears” for a short time.
Urp. Maybe you should get in touch with some of her friends and pool your resources, see who’s heard from her last?
Yeah, or maybe just call her house?
Gotta know her phone number to be able to do that, and I’ve no idea of what her married name is.
Or maybe you should just wash your hands of the whole matter and forget about this. No more emails to her, and block her email address from your account. Do not phone her.
I’m sorry, Tucker, I know that seems like dickish advice, but step outside of the situation and look at it for a minute. You are getting involved–at the very least peripherally–in the domestic affairs of a woman you haven’t seen in at least ten years, which makes her a stranger for all intents and purposes. Maybe she’s playing a damsel in distress (and you do not want to try taking on the role of the knight in shining armor, believe me). Maybe she’s actively trying to get back at you for what you did to her twenty something years ago, and there is a whole hell of a lot of in-between just waiting to get into your life.
OK, one more email. That’s my advice. One email in which you give her the phone numbers of domestic abuse hotlines, just in case she is going through that sort of thing and a “Good luck and goodbye” message. Anything else, and you’re asking for trouble. Just drop it. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I hadn’t gone through the same thing myself.
My email’s in my profile. Please feel free to contact me through that or by PM. Good luck with this.
…of the basement door behind you when you go to investigate? :eek:
You know, I have to agree with Linty Fresh on this one – you need to walk away. Considering some of my recent forays into the whole “talking to exes on the intarwebs” thing, the one thing that stands out is that those who are psychos give psycho-vibes. This situation didn’t have psycho-vibes at first, but the whole “she logged on yesterday, but the comments are asking where are you” thing smacks of psycho to me.
I once was friends with this chick who played that game to the hilt – just to see how much sympathy and worry she could get out of an ex. She was a psycho. I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to date her, seriously. It could be that there is a very legitimate reason for all of it, but really, you’re not the person who should have to look for that.
Just let it go**, and move on. If she contacts you again, feel free to tell her that you just don’t need a lot of drama in your life and thanks but no thanks. We all move on in our lives at some point (although it takes some people dying to be able to move on, that’s another story!) and if she doesn’t understand that, then at least you know you tried.
**unless you actually do care about her and are concerned. In which case, you could always alert the police in the town in which she lives – they could get her information via her myspace pretty easily (if they were even half-assed decent police) and check in on her. Meh…it’s up to you how much energy you wish to expend on her.
Well, I’m not going to do anything more than I already have. If there’s something really wrong, there’s not really anything I could do from a couple hundred miles away, and if she’s playing games, well, I’ve had enough of that to last me a lifetime.
And today I got a reply, with no details other than she was a bit stressed out and had problems at home. It also contained this little tidbit
Can you say, “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Danger!”?
Yeh, sounds like she is looking for a knight on a white horse to save her. <blanket statement>People do not throw out little nuggets like that unless they are seeking something in return (such as sympathy, drama or just general emotional something).</blanket statement>
My previous advice stands to run, not walk away from this psycho.