So Shae Came Home Today............WTF is God's Problem!!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

I was informed I suck at pitting, so go ahead… have at me. I just don’t care!

Almost 3 weeks ago now, I went to the graveside service for my last living Aunt. When we got home, we found Shae was acting crazy. A call to the vet educated us to the last 9 days we’d been struggling to keep her alive was coming to the end. The poison her body wasn’t able to dispose of had gone to her brain.

The crazy behavior didn’t last long. Within a few minutes, she started to slip away in my arms. She just went quietly and quickly and looked so peaceful…until the last minute. I can’t get the look of her eyes at the very end out of my head. When she opened them and looked so scared as she took her last breath.

That day I buried my Aunt in the morning and gave my daughter over to God in the afternoon.

Last night the vet’s office called with the info that her remains had come in. They called to late to pick her up last night so my husband picked her up today and brought her home after work.

He held me while I cried for about 45 min and then he left to go play with his band.

All day yesterday I was cussing out God for taking my little daughter so young. Tonight I’m not sure who I’m cussing out more.

How the Fuck could God take 3 of my children in 3 years and how the Fuck can my husband leave me tonight!!!

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to live anymore. I feel so alone and so unimportant and like I’m being punished for all the things I’ve fucked up in my life.

It still seems like Shae is sleeping in the bedroom with her teddy bears but if I walk in there, she’s not there.

It still seems like if I pick up the phone and dial my Aunt, she’ll answer… but she won’t.

Both my Aunt Jewell and Shae’s b’days were the 1st week of May. That’s not that far away but I can’t look forward to talking with my Aunt that day and I can’t be thinking about what to do for Shae’s b’day this year.

I told my husband I needed to get away this weekend. He acted like he didn’t hear me.

I just want the pain to stop.

So, go ahead. Attack me as not having the skills to post in the pit. I got that message when I tried that a couple weeks ago. I couldn’t get ahold of anyone I know so it was either this or do something stupid.

2

I’m so sorry. People grieve in different ways. Being angry, sad, confused – there’s nothing wrong with that. And it will slowly get better.

But don’t hate your kind husband for grieving in his own way.

You’re in my thoughts tonight. Hang in there.

3

Ahh… cadolphin, I’m so sorry to hear about your Shae. Two years ago my little 7 month old puppy, Maggie Macbeth, died in my arms at 3:00 in the morning, so I know that it’s tough.

And that was just a month before my grandmother passed away, too.

I hope all gets better for you and soon! If you need anything, my e-mail’s open for ya’.

–SkipMagic

4

Take a deep breath. It is going to be all right, I promise you. It’s not going to be all right tomorrow, and it sure the hell isn’t going to be all right tonight, but it will - in time - hurt less than it does right now.

I’ve just emailed you privately. I’ll listen if you need to talk.

5

While I appreciate that losing a pet is a devastating experience, I take umbrage at your use of language in the OP.

A pet’s death is in no way comparable to the death of a real child. A number of people on this board have lost children, and I feel that your use of terms such as ‘my little daughter’ and ‘3 children in 3 years’ is horribly insensitive, and somehow demeans the grief they must be feeling.

That being said, I am worried about your inability to deal with this in a rational way. In the latter part of your post, you suggest you might do something completely stupid. Please ring one of the Crisis Lines in your town/city and talk to one of the counsellors there. If you are feeling so down, a messageboard is not the place to seek some relief.

Take care
kam

6

kambuckta, for some people, pets are their children. Why you felt the need to ‘scold’ cadolphin when she is clearly in pain is beyond me.

Classy.

7

FEH! As if you’d believe it anyway, now that my husband just left for work, I was planning on finally getting around to answering your email tonight. And now I feel even worse that I haven’t had/taken/made the time to do so before now. :frowning: Ask anyone who knows me… I suck at email!

I’m going to send you my phone number so you can call me if you want some “company” while our hubbies are gone. Just so you know, it’ll come from his account because we’re logged onto the computer under his ID (which is one reason I don’t often get to my own email!), so look for his name, not mine.

In the meantime, {{{GIANT HUGS}}}. I have Mr. Shadow’s remains up on top of the wall unit where he used to like to lay. Sometimes I’m actually silly enough to pet the damn box! So I do know exactly how you feel, hon.

Email on its way…

8

kambuckta, you’re an ass.

9

I’m an ass? For suggesting that cadolphin perhaps take a look at the language she used as I feel it is grossly insensitive to those who HAVE lost children? Or recommending that she call LifeLine or whatever the Crisis centres are called in Los Angeles?

:rolleyes:

10

Maybe not classy, but undeniably right.

A pet is not a child. The loss of a child so far outstrips the loss of a pet – any pet, no matter how beloved – that to state that one is the equivalent of the other is almost certainly painful, if not insulting, to anyone who has lost a child. I feel entirely confident in declaring that CADOLPHIN has never experienced such a loss. If she had, she would never, ever make such a comparison. Frankly, and with all due respect to her and her grief, it is only ignorance of that immeasurably greater grief that would even allow her to say such a thing.

That said, I am deeply sympathetic for the loss of her aunt and her pet. I know full well than losing a beloved pet can hurt worse than losing a person close to you, even a relative or a friend.

But not your child.

11

Well, since you asked, yes. That’s exactly right.

Roll your eyes at me all you want. It doesn’t make you any less of an ass.

12

Nope. Not undeniably right at all. That just happens to be your opinion. I’ve had my cat for 19 years. I’ve no illusions that she’s an actual child, but to me, she is my child.

And while I do respect your opinion, as well as kambuckta’s, believe it or not, it was he whose behaviour was completely inappropriate here. If he has a contrary opinion on the issue of whether pets should be considered or referred to as children, let him open a Great Debates thread. Chastising a clearly distraught woman who’s suffering genuine sadness from the loss of a beloved pet * that was like a child to her* and the loss of a beloved human aunt is just plain crass, rude and insensitive.

cadolphin’s feeling a tremendous loss and is home alone right now trying to deal with her grief. It’s not uncommon for those kinds of feelings to become over-exaggerated in their expression. Belittling her for overemotionalism in a time of grief is beyond contempt.

I stand by my assessment of him as an ass. And I genuinely like you, Jodi, but if you want to continue this debate in this particular thread, well, I’d rather not finish that because I’d rather not think that of you.

13

But what the fuck is the point in bringing this up now?! Maybe someone would like to correct her spelling and grammar mistakes as well. Or how about a lecture on blasphemy??

Jesus!

14

Sorry, that post was for Jodi and Kam. Not Shayna. Just to clarify.

15

Everybody’s feelings are different. I confess I was disconcerted with the use of the word “daughter” (I got confused), and I thought it was an unusual word to use. However, I can understand that the grief at losing a pet is very real and can be very devastating thing.

cadolphin, you will feel better. I promise. Grief takes time to overcome.

I had a kitty that I tended to (with baby food, tender loving care) for MONTHS. An old siamese cat I called “Shitty Mush”. (No, really. His “proper” name was “Mushy”, can’t explain that name either.) He had failing kidneys and wasn’t going to last forever.

He’d finally suffered enough and was going downhill fast. I decided to have him put to sleep. The vet thought it was the right idea—Shitty Mush only had days left at most, and he’d only suffer more all the time.

But when they gave him the injection and I saw the life go out of him, I completely lost it. For days I was inconsolable. It was horrible. But I did recover. I got other kitties. Other kitties had good lives because I took them in. That’s all you can do, to recover from something like this. When the time is right (and only you know that), take in another animal and give them a good life for as long as God allows you to have them.

For instance, a few years ago I rescued a fluffy orange kitty (“Virgil”) from a very abusive situation. It was weird, because I had a premonition I’d be getting a kitty to care for before I had any word about his situation. I guess God wanted me to have Virgil.

And he was a wonderful kitty. And so happy and so grateful to be out of that hellhole. I only had Virgil for 5 years before he died, but he had a happy 5 years. I still miss him horribly, but I don’t regret those 5 years that I had him with me. Who knows how long he would have lived had he been stuck in that abusive home. Probably not long. But he had a happy life. A relatively short life, but a happy life.

I am sorry I cannot give you any more comforting words right now. I know you feel absolutely devastated. You are not alone in feeling so horrible at the loss of a pet. But please remember—God loves you, and loves the little critters that will be under your care. So, take care of yourself. You WILL feel better, and will find other animals to care for and love. My good thoughts and prayers are with you.

16

If you read the last sentence of cadolpin’s OP:

it was for THIS that I felt she was losing the plot, and so suggested that she get some help. I was NOT belittling her in any way.

17

She is not your child. Again I will say: You don’t have a child and you’ve never lost a child, because if either of those things were true you could not say that “to you, your cat is your child.” I have never in my life met a person – not one single person – who is or has been a parent who would even dream of saying “my pet is my child.” They know it isn’t. The only people you ever hear saying this are not parents, or former parents, and therefore – and again, I say this with the greatest respect – simply and literally don’t know what they’re talking about. People who have walked through the valley of this shadow just don’t say this. Ever. They just don’t. It’s a statement that fairly shouts “It’s only blessed ignorance that allows me to say this.”

If that somehow makes you think less of me, that I deeply regret that. But I would only point out that I am not the one who is asserting that my pet is my child, as if having one but not the other prevents me from understanding how vastly different having them – and losing them – must be.

18

Oh God/dess I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say, except that I’m thinking of you,and I’ll pray.

19

Jodi, START A FUCKING GREAT DEBATES THREAD IF IT’S THAT DAMNED IMPORTANT TO YOU. THIS IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE PLACE FOR THIS ARGUMENT.

So sadly, yes, your continuation of it here makes you an ass now, too.

20

LEANDER –

Since you asked:

  1. Her post of “losing her child” and talking to her “vet” confused me. I frankly didn’t know what the hell she was talking about, and initially thought to took her daughter to the vet.

  2. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t have posted to chastise her – and, in fact, have not – but rather to defend KAM, who was jumped on, unfairly IMO, for making what is to me both an obvious and valid point.

  3. Beyond that, why I would take exception to a person who equates the loss of a pet with a loss of a child, is frankly none of your business.

All that being said, I have the greatest sympathy for her and will refrain from posting further here, because I don’t want her to think I would compound her very real grief by further criticizing how she expressed it. I’ve made my point and I stand by it; to belabor it further could only make her feel worse, which is absolutely not my intention.