Oh, you just reminded me of another relationship I know about. The woman ticks me off because she’s just so freaking helpless-acting and just can’t fend for herself - works a part-time job a couple hours a week that’s the same one as she had for years, claims she can’t drive because of (ailment that’s too much detail to go into, but plenty of people with it can drive fine), panics over the littlest thing, every bump and bruise is a call to go to the hospital, etc. I pity her husband, but then again, he put up with it for years and enables her to get away with it.
Perhaps women these days consider being ‘treated like a lady’ as being more than just the superficial door opening/bill paying thing. I mean, sure that’s nice and all (although I personally hold doors for both sexes and prefer splitting the bill), but if that’s all someone does, and ignores the bigger stuff, than I can understand that it may not be appreciated.
Being treated right (for both sexes IMHO) involves the other person taking a genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings, and a having genuine belief in the equality of the two partners in the relationship.
Lipservice paid in respect of ‘you look beautiful, honey’ and paying for dinner doesn’t count for much when life turns to reality - if one partner does all the work around the house, or takes complete responsibility for children/pets, etc. A successful relationship is based on a fair exchange and mutual respect I think, not being treated like a ‘princess’.
Absolutely. How else should anyone be treated and I’m not saying that flippantly.
Well, I’d like to think I do, but I know I have a huge tendency to go way overboard with the “They Are My Whole World And Every Second In It” obsession. If I think we both feel that way, that is. Still, I’m trying to curb that and learn to be just happy with me rather than rely on someone else for my validation and happiness.
Going off of what I said above, I’m big on showing my love in almost everything I do, which obviously drives many, many men up the wall. Any time I shop, I’ve got to buy them some little something they’d like (which isn’t often but definitely little), even if it’s from a yard sale. There’s cards to give, bad poetry to write, emails and IM conversations a plenty, marathon phone calls, plan whatever they desire and anything else that might “mean something.” Sigh. Otherwise, I do not play games. If I’m supposed to see you at 3:00 and you’ve pissed me off, I don’t forego my obligation and make you pay for your slight by ignoring you. I try not to be passive-aggressive, but it is hard when you’re trying to be conscientious of their feelings at the same time. I don’t do power plays by withholding sex (I mean, HEY! I’d have to be doing without too. :mad:) And that’s just some of the ways I want it to be equal. Don’t know if that qualifies or not.
Again, see the total fixation definition in the dictionary and my picture could be beside it, depending on the guy. Apparently, this is a very bad trait and treatment. Furthermore, I have a knack for making mountains out of ant hills and assuming everything is LIFE or DEATH. Doesn’t make for always having happy times. In correlation to all this, much of my hurt feelings come from taking whatever too personally. I’m just positive that bad days, poor health, lack of sleep or the moon not being aligned perfectly with the summer house are my fault and I attempt to fix them accordingly. Definitely makes him guilt trip and the situation worse. Oh, and there’s the talking too much thing when I’m in the grips of a manic high, but I’m certain that no one has ever noticed that. 
I concur that I’m no lady either, so being treated that way holds no appeal for me. I simply want respect, understanding, some creativity, a desire to work through things, reliability and honesty (but not the brutal kind), fun, listening and a shot at a 50/50 relationship. Guess that ain’t looking for a lot, huh? 
All neurotics seeking same should apply here. Think Monica with a buzz cut, nose ring and some cellulite. Whacky furniture optional. Cartoons upon request.
Oops! Add being great friends, intelligent and NOT desiring a girlie-girl to my manifesto. I just cannot do that last one upon threatened loss of life. Yup, me to a T.
Plus forgiveness for transgressions wouldn’t be bad either.
Don’t worry, I’ll step away from the keyboard and stop now before I end up with the New and Improved New Testament. :eek:
I agree it’s code. However, judging from the context I’ve seen the phrase in, I think it’s code for “looking for a sugar daddy.”
D’oh, forgot to add why this is important - they have kids and need extra money, but he’s the one who has to do extra work to support them, even though they have access to child care or he could take care of the kids while she worked extra hours, because she just can’t work more hours or get a better job, you see.
Heh, come to think of it, in the two examples I cited, those are the most traditional relationships I know of.
Do you really expect someone to say no to this?
Again, do you expect someone to say no to this? I always try to treat my guys right, but I, like everyone else, am human. I have a tendency to take people for granted from time to time, as do most people, if they’re being honest.
Well, I’m currently broke as shit and my boyfriend actually has money, so it’s a little hard as far as gifts and dinners out go. He basically pays for everything, however, that makes him happy. Considering it makes him happy and I don’t have the ability to reciprocate financially, I let him pay for pretty much everything. He’s also not into the mushy stuff, so that’s a little hard as well. I just try to be thoughtful in general. The other day, I was putting together a study binder (we’re both law students) which took a lot of time and effort. So I made him a copy as well. I try to adjust my pathetic housekeeping skills to make him feel comfortable in my apartment, since that’s where we spend the majority of our time together (he’s a neat freak and I’m so not). I do what I can to make him feel “manly”, (considering I’m a very independent woman used to being on my own, letting him pay for stuff and “take care of me” isn’t an easy task). I’ll cook for him, let him watch what he wants on TV (so long as The O.C. or Desperate Housewives isn’t on) and that kind of stuff.
Considering no one is really going to admit to not treating their partner right, I don’t know if you’re seriously expecting an answer to this. The only one I could think of is if he wasn’t treating me right, but in that situation, I wouldn’t really be with him too long anyway.
For me, it means chivalry. Holding doors open, bringing flowers, showing affection, that kind of thing. It also means paying attention to my desires when I make them known and making an effort to fulfill them. For example, my S.O. is a quick learner. We haven’t been together that long so we’re still figuring out the kinds of things both of us like in a partner. If I mention something I like that he’s not currently doing (being affectionate, certain things behind closed doors, ect.) I haven’t yet needed to mention it twice. That, to me, means more than anything because it means he cares enough to make the effort to keep me happy. And I try to do the same for him in return.
That’s always been my take. Equivalent personal ad code: “generous”.
(for a laugh, google: “knows how to treat a lady” generous))
It isn’t healthy to look at this from the other person’s point of view. This is how you have to look at it:
- Do I deserve to be treated right?
- Does my SO treat me right?
- If they do, how do I treat them?
- If they don’t, why am I still here??
- What counts as “being treated right” to me?
You can’t change anyone else’s behavoir. Look to your own, and that behavoir can include settleing for someone who treats you poorly.
I’ve got a slightly different take, to me “*Looking for a man who knows how to treat a lady” * is more likely to be code for “Yes I’m quite unimaginative, and that’s about the most interesting thing my little pea brain can think of to say, but on the bright side I’m not all that intellectually demanding, and I’ll probably put out if you feed me a decent meal and tell me I’m pretty”.
My fiancee stopped playing KoL, and just send me his butt-loads of remaing meat - I’d call that pretty gentlemanly!
Anway, to answer the OP seriously.
- Yes, I do believe that men should be treated with respect. Assuming, of course, there are no extenuating circumstances, such as he’s abusive.
Yes, I do treat my man right. I share our expenses, though we don’t live together yet, so they aren’t that intertwined. I buy him dinner one night, he pays the next time. I’m not a believer in “the guy always pays on the first date”. I think whoever did the asking is the one who should offer to pay on the first date, but after a date or two, things should be split pretty evenly.
I don’t try to control him, and I never withold sex unless I actually don’t want to have sex, which is rare.
Then again, like others here, “lady” is hardly the first label I’d give myself, so take this for what it’s worth to you.
I’m not trying to change anybody’s behavior. I’m just trying to find out if having a respectful girlfriend is too much to ask for these days. That said, I’d rather be alone than with a girl that doesn’t show that she loves and respects me.
Alright! Enough chatter! Back to the kitchen, you wenches!
:mad:
… and that was the last they heard of Keapon Laffin, his body was never recovered.
Maybe you just need to better define what you want to get out of a relationship, instead of being completely focused on trying to fulfil the every desire of your partner. Because that can be one of the the fastest ways to feel unappreciated.
I agree that doing something that makes your partner happy is one of the best feelings in the world, but it’s not selfish of you to make it clear to the other person how you expect to be treated. Bottom line, you are the only one responsible for your own happiness, it’s not fair or sensible to make them have to guess.
I’m not gay. I don’t have “partners.”
Apologies, I was not implying that (although nothing wrong if you were!). I use the phrase only because as a female past the age of 16 I have felt too old to have a ‘boyfriend’, and can’t think of a better phrase. Girlfriend, SO, companion, lover etc - please replace with whatever term you feel comfortable.
Okay, apologies too. I’m not making any judgments about your lifestyles, but I really don’t like the phrase “partner”. Before homosexuality became so accepted partner meant business partner, not life partner. Now to cater to them we are all just “partners” which to me implies everybody is a little bit gay. It’s just so politically correct, which I really really really hate.
[/hijack]
Well, I confess I like the meaning of the word ‘partner’, implying working together in a sphere of common interest, or participating in a relationship in which each member has equal status.
I don’t say that to make you feel like you should use the word - simply that I believe it may be a fair definition of what a lot of women may be looking for in a relationship. And recognising that seems to be a significant factor in a *successful * relationship - I have found reading the thread about the percentage of happy marriages interesting in this context.
I 100% agree that a marriage should be a partnership. Spouse is supposed to = partner. But the fact that these days you have to tell people that you mean partner when you say spouse is one thing I don’t like about having to use the phrase “partner”. If you have to additionally quantify the meaning of spouse as partner… If you have to TELL people that you are a wife/husband AND partner, then there is something seriously wrong with our definition of spouse these days. And this is what I am talking about. The problem is on both ends. Guys and girls aren’t doing their parts.
Girl 
From Mars, if you don’t like the word “boyfriend”, do you also not like being called a girl? Is it wierd to call a 50 year old umm… significant other woman a girlfriend? I kind of like it actually.
No, it’s not. Lots and lots of people are in successful, mutually respectful relationships. Whatever the problem is, it isn’t that there isn’t a virtous woman on the earth.