social question

[li]Should it, or should it not matter, to oneself, what other people think of them as an individual?[/li][li]How does one properly determine when it should, and when it should not matter?[/li]
To clarify: I ask the above, in reference to “personal” relationships only, as opposed to public-figure or professional situtations.

I hereby grant you, as an adult, this right:

You get to decide in both of these cases for yourself.

Now that wasn’t too hard, was it?

Actually I think this question would do better in GD.

The knee-jerk response is that it should not matter what other people think of you, but I think that it’s much more complicated than that. People build a large part of their self-image depending on how other people react to their behavior. Because of this I don’t think that we have complete control over whether or not it matters to us what other people think of us as individuals. Imagine your mother suddenly cursing, grabbing her crotch and spitting every time she sees you; you can’t tell me that wouldn’t have a detrimental effect to your psyche. Even when we tell ourselves that another person’s opinion doesn’t matter I think that at least subconsciously a small part of us notices and remembers.

FWIW however, MonkeyMensch’s comment is your best guide for what you can control. You need to determine in a case-by-case basis whether another person’s opinion should matter. If you feel strongly enough that your behavior was appropriate for the situation than try and just let their comments roll off your back. But if you were already suspicious of your behavior, or you hold the other person in the highest esteem, than you might want to reexamine how you’ve been behaving.

And just to make my ramble complete, don’t blindly accept compliments either. Using myself as an example I know that I have a bit of a temper and I have a hard time controlling it. There have been a few occasions where I’ve yelled at people and in hindsight realized that my reaction was inappropriate. I wouldn’t have noticed this if other people who I considered to be assholes hadn’t patted me on my back for my behavior. That made me stop, consider what I had done and ultimately go and issue an apology.

I have met people who have an ocd form where they are obsessed with with others think of them. It’s pretty weird. I asked them how they know when it becomes ocd instead of just regular thoughts about it & they said it depends how much time you spend thinking about it & how it effects your life.