Just figured I’d post a handy chart to help you through what I’m sure has been a trying seven days for you! So clip this, put it up on your fridge, and share it with your pals.
If you swear you want to rebuild a relationship with the man you say you’ll love for the rest of your life, but are “too busy concentrating on your studies” to actually do that, then Tuesday night is probably a bad night to go out.
But if you do, and if you’re getting zooted on cocaine with a bunch of your friends, don’t send them home because you want to hang with some people you just met.
2a. but if you do, make sure to get the names of the new people.
2b. if you don’t get their names, don’t go to their house.
2c. especially if you’re too drunk and high to walk straight.
2d. but if you do, don’t throw up on yourself and pass out there.
2e. mumbling, “HSHP, where are you, don’t leave me” is bad form.
2f. when you wake up and they won’t let you leave, run for the door.
2g. make sure you have enough cabfare, especially if you have no idea where you are.
Breaking the “let’s move on” agreement to get your ex to talk you through withdrawal and make you feel better about yourself is nice, but don’t then turn him into the bad guy for telling you that you didn’t move to Los Angeles to fall into the same traps you fell into in Boston and that you can do better.
If your little friend calls you because she saw your ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend on the street, it’s best to remember whether you ever told that boy to move on, and, if you did, to act in accordance with the fact that those were your wishes, not his.
4a. but if you don’t want to act accordingly, smash things or eat ice cream.
4b. running right out to fuck the bouncer at the bar is a bad idea. If it was only for the free cocaine, you’d probably have already done it.
4c. Don’t post it on your IM profile once you do it. Again, bad form.
4d. If you do, make sure it gets a better reaction than a shrug and “figures.”
I guess there was one more chapter after all. I just wish it was more climactic. Because now, I’m just bored. But hopefully this list will help you through the next time you toss away someone who cares and go digging in the trash for comfort.
Because it will happen again, you sad, sad whore.
I’m sitting here typing this and the only thing I feel is amazement that this only barely stings.
You know, this whole saga would make a great Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book.
"You see Happy Scrappy Hero Pup with his new girlfriend.
If you want to smash things and eat ice cream, turn to page 127.
If you want to fuck the bouncer, turn to page 34."
"You just fucked the bouncer at a bar. After extracting yourself from the backseat of his Chevy Nova, you go home.
If you want to take a shower and try to wash some of the skank off, turn to page 81.
If you want to add bouncer-fucking to your IM profile, turn to page 94."
I’m telling you, it would be a hit! Bigger than “Cave of Time”, even.
Wow, this girl is incredibly sad. You really, really need to have no contact with this incredibly sad girl and her self-destructive behaviour, because she will pull you down with her one way or another. You can’t save her. She needs rehab and professional counselling.
Okay, I’ve been having a severly shitty couple of weeks, and this made me laugh harder than that time I fell on the escalator and kept getting rolled around on the bottom.*
Thanks, Giraffe! :wipes tears away:
*Yes, it’s a true event, and yes, I did laugh uproariously at myself.
Not quite there yet, but at least now I know I gave it every shot I had and came up dry.
It sucks to lose, don’t get me wrong. Especially when you have so much invested. But at least I know I played until the end, bitter as it might have been. You gotta take your shots.
It’s telling that this time I’m disappointed in her, not kicking myself for not doing more. Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.
I knew I recognized your name earlier this week, but couldn’t remember why!
:smack:
It’s nice to get to that point where you can be an almost disinterested party, isn’t it? While seeing her like this probably still stings a bit, at least you’ve gained some perspective on the whole situation and it does sound to me like you’re doing pretty well with accepting the situation. It’s sad that you can’t help her, but good for you that you aren’t still in the relationship with her. Time really does make a difference, doesn’t it? I don’t remember from your previous posts about this situation…is anyone else trying to get her to change? Do her family and friends know what she’s doing?
Glad someone else remembers that book. “Cave of Time” was one of my favorites of the series. So much so that I would periodically reread it, even though I knew where all the choices led. :o
Are you the “ex-boyfriend” who has a new girlfriend?
If so, I hope that you’ve been upfront with her about how you’re still dealing with issues with your ex (I think you called her a “sad, sad whore”). Though you say you’re moving on, it reads like you’ve got something still invested in the ex. Wouldn’t want to invite another woman into your life if you’ve not closed the door on the last relationship.
But, if you don’t have a new girlfriend, disregard the above part of my post.
**Zhen’ka,
**
Yes, I’m the ex-boyfriend who has a new girlfriend.
She and I met while I was in the throes of post-breakup idiocy, and she knows the entire sordid story. It’s actually a well-known story in certain circles. She has been nothing but patient and understanding with me, and I appreciate her for that.
Everybody else- if you don’t mind, shit somewhere else. If it’s too much trouble to open up your own random inane garbage thread, then please just keep it inside.
