Some of the things I've learned watching Seinfeld

Cafe Society
141

Joe DiMaggio was a dunker.

Eating a candy bar with a knife and fork in a cafe is a good way to start a trend.

A woman cannot date a man if she has no respect for his work.

142

Slice your meats extra thin because that way the taste has nowhere to hide.

143

!2 is also a serious offense unless the bottles (or cans!) actually originated in MI. Many stores put up warning signs in the bottle return section after the Seinfeld episode aired.

144

Transports you to Flavor Country, too.

145

A sidler can sidle you out of a job.

Men who are fixated on lactating breasts eat a lot of cheese.

Hospitals bolt down their television sets.

The English Patient was filmed in Tunisia.

Crepes are harder to roll properly than cigars.

146

Statue of limitations? It’s Statute of limitations.

Deloris.

Don’t let Poppy sit on the couch. Or make pizza.

147

Not being master of your own domain can ruin your chances of ever becoming a hand model.

148

Living the dream includes eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.

149

And before she moved in with gay best friend, Grace Adler got her head shaved by her date at a wedding for making anti-semitic and racist comments. (He was OK with her being an anti-dentite though.)

150

Nowadays, you can actually end up in prison by not doing anything.

151

Cheap invitations are dangerous, but so are expensive ones.

152

Chinese people can’t tell the difference between Costanza and CARTWRIGHT!

153

(sigh – OK, if no one else is gonna take the bait, I guess I’ll have to do this one myself…)
It’s a pizza as soon as you punch the dough!

154

Please tell me I’m not the only one who didn’t get the metaphor until the show was well into syndication and I had seen the episode several times…

155

Being an assistant to the traveling secretary is a pretty sweet gig.

156

Delores rhymes with, erm. . .you know.

If you say the word “fiancee” more than three times at a party, everyone in the room will hate you.

It’s possible to hate men without being a lesbian.

Never put a steam room into a small apartment without proper ventilation.

Rich old men eat snicker bars with a knife and fork; and are very, very choosy about their socks.

157

  • Don’t argue about washed pares in front of a college reporter.

  • It pronounced Car-ott-tee Jerry!

  • Jerk store called…

  • Don’t miss the Early Bird Special

  • Don’t cheap out on your tip calculator

  • Little Jerry is a great Cock Fighter

  • If you’re going to pirate a movie still in the theater, you need multiple cameras

  • There seems to be a decent market for importing and exporting

  • Don’t mix up your AM/PM while setting an alarm before a marathon

  • Don’t take muscle relaxers (after sleeping on a fold out couch) before going to a party.

  • Don’t take books from a book store into the washroom

  • The roommate swap is possible

  • Bagel shops in New York are unionized

  • Lloyd Braun is crazy (and likes the sound of dinging bells)

  • Always have a bottle of scotch in your bottom cupboard

  • Don’t use butter as a moisturizer

  • Don’t use pizza ovens to warm your pants

  • Don’t stash mutton stuffed napkins in your coat pocket

  • First class is so much nicer than coach

  • Don’t bother buying your parents a new Cadillac

  • Squirrels sometimes aren’t that fast

It feels like I could go on for hours!

158

It’s not a lie if you believe it.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. Just take a peek.

The Hindi version of the name Jerry is Jagdish. (Citation needed.)

159

Or pears, for that matter. :smiley:

160

It will still get you kicked out of the health club