“War and Peace” was originally titled “War What Is It Good For”
Cotton shrinks when you wash it.
You mean “Englishmen are BOUNDERS!” 
Eggplant calzones are a real thing.
That I’m not the only person who thought The English Patient was boring.
Salad’s got nothin’ on this mutton.
What’s a Big Salad? It’s like a regular salad, only bigger.
Unveiling a nose job is as exciting as watching a bris.
Except for soup in a bread bowl. First you eat the soup, then you eat the bowl.
I tell you, there’s nothing more satisfying than finishing your lunch and seeing nothing but table!
Don’t take the pen.
NO BETTE MIDDULAAAAAAAAAA (midler) is a huge crisis event.
Not just pop bottles, any container for any carbonated beverage from sparkling grape juice (in bottles like wine bottles) to beer cans. But it’s illegal if the container is from out of state and you try to return it. (seinfeld ep caused many signs about the illegality to pop up on return machines back in the day)
No, they would have to test it with a VALET.
Who invaded Spain in the 8th century?
MOOPS!
sorry if this is a repeat or such, but I’m not (re)reading 4 pages to see
Cats can survive for days exclusively on a diet of cured meats.
Salsa is the number one condiment in America.
Spanish people have trouble distinguishing between salsa and seltzer.
Bzzzt. Wrong. Actual quote:
George: “You know it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa.”
The Spanish speaker knows the difference, it’s the listener who has the problem.
The Houston Astros’ executives drink and curse…a lot.
distinguish
*
verb
*
to notice or understand the difference between two things,** or to make one person or thing seem different from another**:
It’s important to distinguish between business and pleasure.
Yo-Yo Ma is a cellist.
Dry cleaners can get vomit out of suede.
Never becoming a banker can drive you to suicide.
You can contest a speeding ticket by claiming you were trying to keep a friend from committing suicide.
One must presume the use of George of the term “Spanish” to imply that a person with a Spanish accent would “naturally” want salsa, not seltzer. The inability to say clearly each word is presumably not a Spanish speaking problem. I.e., why not a Polish person or a Hindi speaker?
I run into problems all the time, and I do mean incredibly often, with people mistaking what I say merely because they are making erroneous assumptions in processing my statements. Not because of what I said but because of what they thought.
The problem is with the other person, not the speaker.