Someone is not interested in you, and you keep bothering her. Why?

[Malacandra]

@MeanOldLady

No. I seriously do not ask people out unless I am absolutely, written-in-stone, infallibly certain that they like me too. There have been an unfortunate number of instances where I find out long after I’m over the guy, that he was into me as well, but neither of us had the cajones to make a move. Opportunity wasted! One that immediately comes to mind was a boy who I was unbearably enamoured with freshman and sophomore year, but never put the moves on even though I was pretty dang sure he liked me. I figured, hey, if he were into me as much as I think he is, he’d have asked me out already, yeah? So fast forward to me being over it, and admitting to a friend one day how much I was into this guy. Her response was pretty much, “Well no shit, you were. He was madly into you too, and the whole universe knew it. Nobody has been able to figure out why you two didn’t just bone already.”

I’m a little taken aback, and some weeks later ask another friend, “Hey, was it obvious all this time that I was into SoAndSo?” And I’m again met with laughter. “Yes, you two were so obviously smitten by each other, it was borderline sickening.” Turns out he ended up being too intimidated by me, and I ended up being too discouraged by his lack of asking me out. So here’s this big obvious thing that I didn’t act on because there was a grain of doubt.

Just romantic ones. I dislike failure as much as the next gal, but I’ve never avoided anything for fear of not succeeding. Only when it comes to boys will I not try unless I know for a fact that I will succeed. It’s a fairly shitty and ridiculous way to be, and typing it out makes me feel even sillier about it all, but here we are. I suppose as a dame, I’m used to being approached, and then picking what I like. And in the rare instance I come across someone I like who hasn’t already made a move on me first, I’m usually sure he likes me back, so I go for it. But if there is a single shadow of a thread of a doubt, I am pure chickenshit, and nothing ever happens.

Seriously, typing that out made me feel pretty lame.

Hey, as long as it’s working out, don’t sweat it. But I’m sure I speak for many men when I say that if we all waited until we knew we couldn’t miss, we’d

Wups, relationship thread. Sorry.

/bails

[Sleeps_With_Butterflies]

@Cesario

What do those “at least several more minutes of bullshit” involve, exactly? Requests to clarify what he did wrong in his approach? Requests that you clarify that if the rejection is personal or impersonal (is there something about him specifically you dislike or is it something about your situation that makes his approach unwelcome? sorts of questions)? Him getting into an angry shouting match and making an ass of himself?

Any of those things, all of those things… it depends on the guy. I can think of only a couple of times that I’ve said “No thanks” and the guy just said “Ok” and went along. Usually it’s (IMHO) seen as a challenge, just like a telemarketer. “Aw come on, give me a chance here!” or “Married, huh?” or anything to keep mining information and trying again.

@matt_mcl

I don’t think that guys are bad at reading body language; I think they’re conditioned to ignore it in women.

Agreed.

I’ve been trying a new thing where I keep my answers completely short. “No thanks.” This always gives way to at least one more question whether it’s “have a boyfriend?” or “Damn, not even going to talk to me?” or something to which I reply “Sorry, not interested.” At this point I’ve told them a very clear no both times and they’re refusing to accept that so if they ask again, it’s only going to get less polite. Before I actually give the “Fuck you” face I do try to point out to them that they’re not taking no for an answer “I’ve said no twice, why are you insisting that I should do something I clearly don’t want to do?”

I’ve had a couple of guys look at me like I’m speaking some foreign language at them. I’m sure I’ve instantly become ‘the crazy bitch’ they met on the way home who overreacted, but I say it calmly and quietly and by that time I’ve already made an honest attempt to be nice. So they can piss off.