At nearly 50 I thought I was past feeling like a nervous schoolgirl. But then came "the statement.
I was at a Bible class Monday evening. One of the others in attendance is a guy whom I also know as an employee at the nursery where I buy most of my garden stuff. He and his wife are really cool people.
Anyway, before class started, he told me he had a coworker who wanted to know if I would mind being asked out by him. I had to ask “Gary” to repeat the words, as they didn’t register at first.
Me? Someone might want to ask* me * out? “Gary” told me the guy is about my age, has never been married, and his hobby is coin collecting, and that “Bob” is a nice guy. So I guess the guy has seen me, and Lord knows, Cindy Crawford has nothing to worry about. I’m average height, and I need to lose weight. Quite a bit of weight.
Geez, what if Bob does end up calling? I honestly have not been out with a guy since 1981. I don’t know what the rules are anymore, not that I ever did then. I don’t want to seem nervous, but darn, I’d be self conscious as hell.
So any Dopers got some advice? **twickster, ** you are my age, what do you say? I want, yet I am nervous about, hearing the phone ring now.
nyctea, I was divorced in December of 1979. No kids, and I went out a couple of times afterwards, but nothing came of it.
It’s just that after all this time I don’t know what “current dating practise” is, especially for folks my age. I mean, does he pick me up, do we meet somewhere, is going Dutch the fashion, how do I dress up? Eek. I feel like I’m in high school.
If you don’t know the guy (e.g. met online), it’s usual to meet in public. If you’re comfortable with the person vouching for him, he could pick you up – but would probably understand if you wanted to meet in a public place also.
Usually, even in this day and age, the guy pays for the first date. If it’s dinner and a movie, and he springs for dinner, I’ll pull out my wallet at the box office and say “let me get this.” Most men are fine with that, some say “no no” and seem to mean it.
Dress: I usually wear a skirt and sweater, or a dress, for the first date – but I have plenty of both in my wardrobe, since that’s how I dress for work. If you’d feel like you were in drag if you wore a skirt, pants and a nice top are fine. Makeup only if you usually wear it. Don’t present yourself as anything other than what you are – but a slightly spiffy version of that.
The trick will be making small-talk, but presumably you’ve done that once or twice in the last quarter century – it’s the same stuff you’d talk to anyone about when you’re meeting them for the first time – where are you from, how’d you get into your job (if you’re both into plants, you can spend plenty of time talking gardening), what are your hobbies, what kind of (books, movies, music, TV shows) do you like, etc.
At the end of the date, if it went well and you liked him, a quick peck on the cheek is appropriate if you feel comfortable with that. If not – or if you just want it all to be OVER OVER OVER – a handshake is fine – reallly.
I am one of those old fashioned guys. A lady in my company, whether a romantic interest or not, will not have to pay for any activity that we enjoy together (Movie, meal, etc). After all, it is better to have a member of the fairer sex at your side and no money than a fair amount of money and no sex.
You have to admit, New Year’s Eve is a good day for a birthday.
It’s really weird. Each time the phone rings I jump. So far I’ve had three calls, mother, sister, grandmother, and I don’t know whether to to glad, or disappointed. It’s only been two days, and “Bob” may have changed his mind anyway.
I’ll give you the same advice I give my nieces: Boys Are Stupid.
With that in mind, go for it and have a blast.
You might want to put off mentioning anything about the Straight Dope until the 4th or 5th date.
Oh I’m female alright, just not very imaginative when it comes to choosing a username. I’m like Buttercup in the book The Princess Bride. She name her horse “Horse”
I picked what I do, I’m the baker in a cafe here in our city library. I don’t make as much money as the CPA I thought I would be, but I like going to work everyday.
Dude (oops, I mean Girl–wouldn’t want to cause any more confusion about your gender :D), I started reading this thread and didn’t even realize it was you until the whole username issue came up!
How exciting! See, if I still lived there we could go into total high school girl mode and stage a recon mission to the nursery to find out what he looks like! You behind a ficus, me behind a row of mulch . . . then we could go buy makeup.
I haven’t been on a first date in a couple of years, but for what it’s worth, we met for dinner (he paid), and then just went to a little bar, sat outside, and continued to chat. I personally prefer first dates that allow for a lot of conversation, so I wouldn’t do a movie, myself. However, I think it’s perfectly fine to see a movie if you want, because it may be a welcome distraction from the pressure to be witty and sparkling at every moment (for HIM, that is–you do it effortlessly :)).
My guess is that he’s probably planning to pay for everything, and he may be coming up with date activities as we speak, but I think you should be prepared to shoulder half of each “burden”, just in case.
Then be sure to work in some time for pre-date primping and pampering! If you want to go extreme, you could make a hair or nail appointment, but really, I find that one’s confidence can be greatly boosted just by working in some time to take a long hot bath and dance around the house singing Chaka Khan songs before a date.
