“You’re the Peugot in my life – or at least the Peu.”
You are my Ford Pinto of love
You are the one that I desire
And when I bump you from behind
We go up in a ball of fire
That is excellent! 
It’s weird the OP doesn’t realize how much of an asshole he sounds like. Which sort of points to some sort of mental disorder (which he apparently has). I mean who talks about how ugly their fiance is?
Dude,
Based on your OP and the snippet of info she sent you, I think you both deserve each other.
Then you can work on your “I hate this bitch” playlist.
Seriously, I agree with the others here. Your tone sounds shallow and assholish. You have to take the good with the bad. Maximize the good, and shut your pie hole on the bad. That, or give up.
I’d kinda like to know how the OP would feel if he found out the woman he was about to marry was happily chatting to strangers on the internet about his ugly saggy bum, about his bald patch, how he has an icky pimply back and repulsive feet, smelly breath and a stinky, stubby, crooked willy.
I’m sure this thread would be possible without being so disrespectful to the woman you are marrying. Try: “I would like to find some love song that are not ridiculously unrealistic.” There you go, you didn’t just describe someone who loves and trusts you as “repulsive”.
Also: you’re getting married, you’d bloody well hope you are the favourite out of her boyfriends! The others must’ve been horrendous, the poor thing.
I do the same thing. I look for the simplest sentiment. One that says “Thank you, dad” (mom’s dead) is fine. I don’t need poetry or a long-winded screed!
. . . though somehow the meaning is not quite what the OP is after, I think.
JohnClay, if you worry about the complete literal honesty and applicability of someone else’s lyrics to your life, you won’t find any song appropriate.
Although I completely disagree with the OP about the need to discuss this subject on here, that won’t stop me from posting this:
“U Stink But I Love U” by Billy and the Boingers (from Bloom County)
If they were happy together in a healthy loving relationship, then her fiance wouldn’t think she was “Witchy-Poo”.
Even if he rationally acknowledged the conventional unattractiveness or ugliness of the “Witchy-Poo” aspects of her appearance (“Yes, her skin is rather greenish. Yes, she’s got a jutting nutcracker-type chin. Yes, there’s a big wart on her nose. Yes, she likes wearing those pointed black hats. Yes, her laugh is rather maniacal-sounding”), that wouldn’t be what he would focus on in her appearance.
He’d enjoy thinking of her as “my tall slender lady with the rippling black hair and the mysterious eyes” or something like that. He would like her looks overall because she’s the woman he loves, even if rationally he knows there are some things about her looks that he doesn’t love.
But you seem to be much more focused on the aspects of your fiancee’s appearance that repulse you, even if you rationally admit that there are also some things about her looks that you like. You seem to think that the only two choices are either to give a very qualified commendation of her appearance as long as you make it very clear that you’re not really satisfied with it, or else to just avoid the topic of her appearance altogether.
The unenthusiastic moderation in the first part of that sentence, compared to the emphatic conviction in the second half, does not bode well.
Neither does that.
Well, congrats and good luck, you two starry-eyed lovebirds.
Shakespeare had this to say:
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
But the fact is, if she’s beautiful to you, if not by conventional standards, the best way to handle that situation is not to say anything about her looks at all, and focus on the important issue of who she is inside where it counts.
The “You’re everything I hoped for” bit doesn’t fit…
Well this song for a start:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15521829&postcount=27
Anyway I wanted to bring up a problem I have - that I don’t find every aspect of my partner beautiful. I’m not looking for approval on this forum.
kambuckta kind of agreed with me:
I was asking kambuckta about what if a girl was “Witchy-Poo” - I didn’t say my fiance was “Witchy-Poo”.
Yeah that’s what I try to do in real life… I try to avoid saying she’s “gorgeous”… well I say it occasionally but not as much as she says it to me.
Who wrote the original version?
I’m most familiar with the version by The Coasters.
BTW about the comments where I say she repulses me, I’m just mentioning behavior I observe in myself. When I see her naked body I don’t feel lustful, I feel like I’ve got to look away. That means I’m not truly finding her gorgeous though I might say she is gorgeous from time to time. I’d never probably say she’s the most beautiful woman in the world though.
You’re not just a Pinto, you’re a Pinto Squire!
Go with a nice, neutral oldie-but-goodie - The Beatles “When I’m Sixty-Four”. No glurge, no talk about anyone’s looks or lack of same.
Yes, I know. I was suggesting how such a hypothetical “Witchy-Poo” girl’s loving fiance would be likely to feel about her.
(Nitpick: Technically, your fiancee is not your fiance; you’re her fiance.)
Well, if you and she are okay with that, then it’s nobody else’s business.
So why are you so anxious to avoid the possibility that somebody might get the impression (at your wedding, no less!) that you are less repulsed by your bride than you actually are?
Most loving couples know that statements like “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world” or “You’re everything I ever dreamed of” are basically just code for “You’re mostly an ordinary human being who’s very far from perfect but I happen to be deeply satisfied with our relationship and very happy that I’m with you”.
You’re not giving testimony on oath about the details of your personal reactions to your fiancee, so I don’t see why you’re so concerned about the possibility of overstating your enthusiasm. Why not just go with a song that says “You’re everything I hoped for” or “You are the woman that I always dreamed of” or “You are so beautiful” as an expression of your overall love and desire for her, and take it for granted that nobody expects such a statement to be literally true in all its details?
What’s wrong with using a little hyperbole to praise someone that you presumably love passionately and dearly enough to commit to for the rest of your life?