My day sucked. Sucked sucked sucked, it started off sucky when I almost slid off a cliff in my car, and ended up sucky when I was dumped at the end of today by my boyfriend whom I’ve been with on-and-off for more than a year. Apparantly he’s already making plans, and the only guy I like happens to be his best friend, who would never go out with me.
I failed an Algebra test early today just after I arrived at school, and after I was ignored when I said hello to my now ex-boyfriend. I asked if he was pissed, he says, “I don’t know”, so I leave him in the hall because I’m sick of doing this crap with him.
Second hour I barely completed a rough draft for an essay that had absolutely no organization at all. Three thousand monkeys on typewriters could have made a more cognitive piece of writing.
Lunch I am ignored again for 30 minutes, but I get to talk to my friends, (his friends) and they say that they don’t know why he’s pissed. Lunch bell rings and I leave by myself to go to third hour, where nothing major goes wrong, really. Fourth hour I have with him, which I am ignored, obviously, so I talk to Billy instead. He makes a comment about how I should do something if me and the ex break up again, and I say, “Well, it looks like that’s going to happen sometime soon seeing how he’s pissed off at me for no reason.” Billy asks him if he’s pissed at me, he still won’t look me in the eye, and says, “Yeah pretty much.”
The stupid boy writes a note, (I mean come on, are we in the fifth grade still or what?) to say that the reason he’s pissed is because yesterday I was mad when I saw him sitting extremely close to a girl he is friends with, and not for the first time, so I told a mutual friend about it and when I talked to him I just said I was upset in general. He says I lied to him.
Now, let’s get this straight. Him- getting extremely comfortable with another girl. Me- very jealous personality. Explain to me now why he’s the one who should be the least bit upset.
He says he’s tired of the fighting, and frankly I am too. So he “called it quits” and I said fine. Gave him back his ring and that was that.
Turns out he made a comment around a friend of mine that was relayed to me. Trevor says, “Oh, you two will just get back together in a couple days and break up again and get back together and break up.” His reply? “No, I’ve got other plans.”
Now, I am fine with the breakup itself. I agree that the fighting has gone on too long, but in my best defense he tends to hang on to fights and always has to be mad about something, while I will drop it just so that everybody is happy again. And that’s what happened here, I dropped it so everyone would be happy, and I was accused of lying. But it hurts to hear that he’s moving on soooo quickly, and I know that the only person I’m interested would not go for me, simply because of his loyalty to his friend, I think. I’m not even going to try either, because it would be a waste of time and would end up kicking me in the end.
I wish this hadn’t happened. I love him, as much as I want to deny it and try to make it go away by hating him, and everytime it does happen it hurts so much.
One one side, I want to hate him because he was being such an ass. He shouldn’t be pissed, I should, because I haven’t done anything wrong. He has no reason to be mad, because I thought we already dropped it, and I pretty much conceded just to get everything to be okay, which is what I always do.
On another hand, he didn’t do anything wrong either, I just saw a few things a few times and it could have been totally innocent for all I know.
On a third hand, I want him back because I have this empty void whenever he’s gone. I was a royal bitch to him today, I yelled, I cursed, I screamed and reamed him out for several minutes. Just because his behavior seemed to me like he didn’t care, like I was disposable.
We get along great. When we’re not arguing about something stupid, we are good together.
Jason once told me last time, “There is some underlying problem there, that you guys haven’t tapped on yet, you just need to fix it. Until you do, this will always happen with you two, so you need to take a good look at your relationship, and you’re both too scared to do that.”
If none of you believe anything else in this post, believe that I love him. My chest literally feels heavy right now, and no, I am not at risk for a heart attack. 
I know I am “too young to experience love, it’s just puppy love” and all that stuff that everyone else says to young people in an effort to validate their own kind of love and make it worth even more. I don’t believe that, I think that anyone is capable of loving another person as long as the maturity to deal with it is there.
So at least believe that. I know this thread has rambled on for way too long, I am just trying to figure out what to do. Looking at every perspective is easier when I am able to write it down and read it.
Anyway, thanks for listening, even if none of you reply.
I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day. Love sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?
But I have a couple of things to point out.
Let me start this by saying: You and only you are responsible for your own happiness. Your having a “very jealous personality” does not make him responsible for ensuring that your jealousy is not triggered. In fact, it is up to you to recognize that your jealousy is incorrect and destructive. I will tell you right now that jealousy has the capability of destroying every relationship you get into. Let me ask you something - how would you feel if a teacher accused you of cheating when you had not cheated? Because that is what you do to your SO when you get jealous. If you love him, then you trust him. If you don’t trust him, you need to consider whether you should be in the relationship at all. If he is cheating on you, you should for your own sake get out of the relationship. But if he is not cheating on you, then you have damaged a relationship for no good reason. If you keep accusing him of cheating on you when he isn’t, then eventually he will probably cheat on you because there is no good reason not to - he doesn’t have your trust, so he can’t lose it by cheating. Or he will simply end the relationship and find someone who is capable of trusting him.
Jealousy is simply the manifestation of insecurity. You must ask yourself why you are so insecure in the relationship. You cannot pass this off on him - there is no reason you can come up with that isn’t an insult to him. Do you not believe that he loves you? A person who truly loves you (and isn’t mental) will not cheat on you. Do you not believe that he can know his own heart.
So, what within you, makes you so insecure that you see yourself as having a “jealous personality”? This is not a personality trait - it is a manifestation of insecurity. And until you deal with that insecurity, or at least learn to ask for reassurance, you will damage any relationship you have.
I think that what you are feeling right now is grief. Yes, you’ve lost something that has been very important to you for the last year. You have also ended what sounds like a situation that has a lot of anger and pain as well. Getting back together with him is not a good idea now, and possibly not in the future. I also recommend against getting together with someone else just because you don’t have a boyfriend. What you may want to do is do some sort of action that helps you give up the relationship. When I ended one relationship (because, among other things, my boyfriend was very jealous for no reason at all) I tore up all his pictures, and threw them away. Very cleansing. Then spend some time healing, and reflecting on what you liked about your relationship, what you hated, and what you want from future relationships.
Thanks Zyada, I’ve got a couple things to add too.
Yes, I know jealousy is a horrible thing and it has ruined relationships in the past. I realize now that I overreacted about the entire situation, from the first event all the way up to today. I think I am going to apologize to him tonight.
But I have a slight question about your last paragraph, why isn’t getting back with him a good idea? I don’t think the relationship is trashed, personally. I think that I acted childish, absolutely, and I fully understand that now. Looking back on this has helped me a lot. But I think that if things can be resolved, they should, and every effort should be made. It shouldn’t just be thrown away because of one instance.
That’s just MHO, though, and is open to criticism.
Just thought I’d reply. Feelings are real, no matter how young you are…
But that doesn’t mean they’ll last forever.
Hang in there, ok?
Sorry you had a bad day.
Constant bickering in a relationship is not normal. This is a form of abuse. Neither of you need it.
I agree with Zyada you need some alone time. Go out with the girls, take some long walks, read a few books. It will put things into perspective and allow yourself to heal so that you can go into your next relationship with a better perspective rather than on the rebound.
I know breaking up is tough, but you need to find someone who you trust, who trusts you, and who treats you like a queen.
Ah, see there would be a problem. I have no female friends, none, only 2 or 3 that I would consider even good acquaintances. I am most assuredly “one of the guys” and most of the guys are his friends.
About the “constant bickering”, it’s not actually constant bickering. It’s just this one subject that was brought about by a freshman who decided to spread rumors, let’s leave it at that.
I called and apologized for jumping to such quick conclusions and accusing him of something he didn’t do. So I pretty much just told him that for what it was worth now, I acted like a jerk and I was sorry for it.
Listen to your own words; “One one side, I want to hate him because he was being such an ass. He shouldn’t be pissed, I should, because I haven’t done anything wrong. He has no reason to be mad, because I thought we already dropped it, and I pretty much conceded just to get everything to be okay, which is what I always do.”
This isn’t a healthy part of a good relationship. You and he are in a pattern that is making you unhappy. This kind of thing does not get better with time. Breaking up with him, moving on, doing some work on your own needs and issues, and finding a good relationship DOES get better with time. My take on this relationship is that it will end sooner or later, and sooner gets you started to getting over it quicker. But, I also realize that people end relationships like this when they’re ready to, and not a moment sooner (myself included). One day you’ll just realize you’ve had enough, and that will be it.
{{{foxy}}}
Hope you’re feeling better soon. May I offer some advice? Take some time, and by some time, I mean more than one month, maybe 2-3, whatever. Stop dating. Have friends. Meditate or whatever you need to do to cool out when you think about him too much. I know 3 months is forever at your age, but you’ll be a better person for in the long run. Learn how to be comfortable while not part of a couple. Make some girlfriends if you can. Take up a hobby, or work on your grades. This will help to ensure you don’t continue to be codependent. It will teach you that you’re pretty cool (the rest of us know that already) and don’t need someone else to prop you up. It will also teach him the same things; if not about himself, about you. Life will still be there, you’ll just see different things. Please seriously consider this. (You could still flirt on the boards… 
)
Kisses,
Shibb
Some good advice has been given. Give yourself space to grow, make those friends that you haven’t taken time to make in the past. Don’t ever let all your friends be the friends your SO has, because when it doesn’t work out not only do you lose the relationship, but you also lose the friends. You need to always have things in your life that are specific only to you. There’s no quicker way for a relationship to become boring than for one half of the couple to have nothing to occupy their time except for the other half. While most guys don’t mind if their gf is friends with his friends, hanging out with them all the time doesn’t give him much space.
Don’t be hurt or surprised if your current ‘ex’ starts dating someone else. Sounds like he’s fed up with the way things were in your relationship and he wants to move on. Just give yourself some time to heal and soon you’ll be ready to move on too.
At least from here, things can only look up.
I appreciate everyone’s advice, and yes, Shibb, I will continue to flirt on the boards
I am getting over it, talked to my friends and they assured me that this will not affect our friendship. I’m pretty much at ease around them, and him for the most part, but he is still avoiding me. His plans are to get together with someone he’s been hooked on for more than a year, and a person that he doesn’t have a chance with. She’s told me this, my friends have told me this, and I’ve seen it. I’m not worried about him anymore, I have found other things to do with my time, don’t worry.
I’m not interested in jumping right into a relationship for quite a while. I’m going to be testing the waters for a long time I think. Finding out how I act around people I’ve never hung out with. Trying to better the friendships I already have. I’ve realized that I’ve been wasting a year on a guy who’s a jerk, and I deserve better. Much better. There isn’t a whole lot to choose from around here, there’s only about 250 people in my entire school,
Ah well. I’ll go talk to Jason a bit and he’ll straighten me out, just like he always does. Thanks guys.
-Foxy, single-and-looking.
Go, ladyfoxfyre!!!
Thanks, Zyada. You can be my personal cheerleader from now on
I just came home and I am in an awesome mood for some reason. Turned the radio up really loud and now I’m pretty giddy.
Talked to Jason for a while and we exchanged some theories.
Interesting sidenote about Jason-
I am pretty close with his mom, and once a long time ago when me and the ex were fighting she says, “Well, you are one of my favorite girls that comes over. You know, Jason gets really upset when the ex treats you badly. He sides with you most of the time and really likes you.”
Awww…how sweet. I dunno whether to believe that he really got upset about it, the ex is his best friend and I am not.
Also, a bunch of my friends came over to my house one day to meet my mom, and stayed for a few minutes. My mom says to me later, “You know, Jason is in love with you.”
My reply? “WTF? Jason is not in love with me. That’s stupid. He’s just a friend.” She says, “Alright, don’t believe me. But I see the way he watches you, and even though you don’t think he’d admit it, he is.”
So that’s the end of the sidenote about Jason. I don’t know why I added that, I just thought it was pertinent to the subject. Oh well, anyway, I am happy, and getting a bit of bittersweet satisfaction about the fact that he dumped me for a girl that would never go out with him. Jason says he and his mom talked about this and they both decided that he’s not popular enough for her.
So that’s the update. I’m having a pretty good night, maybe I’ll go watch some TV…or…maybe I should do the Science report that was due today…
…see ya…
Don’t be too ready to give up on Jason. My second boyfriend S was my first boyfriend’s M best friend. And he was one of the best boyfriends I have ever had, the measuring stick against which I measured all of my other boyfriends. If M hadn’t decided to play games with me and S, we might have had a very long relationship.
In fact, I would say that the only person who has been a better SO to me than S is rjk
I’m a little bothered by his statement that he “has plans”. Does this mean he’s already looking for, or worse, already got, your replacement? Please be careful with your heart–you’ve only got one–and keep us posted, OK?
Payne, this is a long story but I’ll post it just for you.
My ex dated this girl, Tiffany, in the 8th grade or so. They only dated for a couple weeks and then broke up. They both moved on, dating other people but remained friends. As soon as we started dating, I could tell there was still some tension there. Near the end of last year, she told him that she liked him still. He said, sorry, I’ve already got someone, so it was dropped and she dated other people.
A few months ago, he decided that he had a dilemma. He liked both of us, and didn’t know what to do. His friends repeatedly told him he was an idiot, and that he had a perfect relationship, why would he want to go screw it up by going after Tiffany, who didn’t want anything to do with him romantically at this point.
He decided that he was being stupid, and didn’t do anything about it. Until a few weeks later, when we were at Jason’s house and were visiting Tiffany really late that night. Kenny and Jimmy ended up stranding me and Jason up at Jason’s house, they were supposed to just be going to see if they had anything to drink, and stayed down there for over an hour. I went down there, (only a house or two away), got on them for leaving us and Kenny pulled some stupid act where he was mad at me. He decided not to go back because he wanted to be with his friends, so I left. (I found out that he liked Tiffany a few days later, and told him goodbye.) I found out later that when I left the house he told her that he couldn’t stop thinking about her. She said they had nothing, and never would, and that he should drop it and salvage the relationship he already had.
After we broke up, he went after her, and got shot down. Came crawling back, and I said okay.
Fast forward to now.
He still has a thing for her, as I always knew, and thinks that now that we’re broken up he can just jump back in the game and be with her. In the words of Jimmy, “I can’t wait until he gets his hopes up and she shoots him down again. He really screwed himself on this one.”
Jason said something similar to me today. His theory, as I said before, is that he isn’t popular enough for Tiffany, besides the fact that she has no feelings for him. She’s told me this, as have Jimmy (one of her best friends) and of course Jason. This happened before, and she begged for Jason and another friend to make him stop coming on to her, because she wasn’t interested and didn’t know how to let him down softly.
So that’s the deal. He’s left without a foot to stand on, and that’s not exactly what he was expecting. I find it humorous to watch, really.
He doesn’t have my replacement, but I don’t doubt that he’s convinced he does.
I’m doing okay Payne, don’t worry about my heart. It seems to be healing just fine lately.
Zyada-Eh, I dunno about Jason as a boyfriend. I don’t think he would, even if I were serious about it, just because of his loyalty to the ex. I haven’t thought about it really. It is kind of weird to think about because I don’t look at him that way. I guess it’s just because I never have.
But I’m not going to think about that for now, just him as a friend. And I will keep you posted…
Ahh high school love. It can suck royally. But it’ll all get better in the end.
All good advice so far. This will be brief. I have a 2 year old to put to bed. Concentrate on your school work. Get a schlorship and get out of town. Get your career in what YOU want to do. Learn this: NO COMPLAINING, NO EXPLAINING.
Also, Let him come to you, and if he doesn’t…you don’t need him.Don’t feed his ego running after him.
WOMEN GO WITH WHOEVER THEY WANT
MEN GO WITH WHOEVER WILL LET THEM.
It’ll hurt for awhile, but not forever. Three months is a god cooling off period. If it is such TRUE LOVE 3 months is nothing is it?
Suggest you spend the money you were going to use on his Christmas present on a new haircut and outfit for yourself,a little makeover pick-me-up. Grow in a new,mature,
sophisticated…not slutty…way. Cream rises to the top.
Don’t care if he is pissed. That is his problem, like a pimple, not yours!
[quote]
<snip>
…Get a schlorship and get out of town. …
…Also, Let him come to you, and if he doesn’t…you don’t need him.Don’t feed his ego running after him…
…If it is such TRUE LOVE 3 months is nothing is it?..
…Grow in a new,mature,sophisticated…not slutty…way…
…Don’t care if he is pissed… quote]
Okay, first of all. Just because I broke up with my boyfriend, why should I get out of town? I can still be friends with him, you know.
I have always let him come to me, I never go after guys. But even if I did, why shouldn’t I work for something I want?
I never said it was “TRUE LOVE”, there is no such thing as untrue love, it just is love.
Grow in a not slutty way? Who waid I was slutty or would grow to be a slut?
I do care if he is pissed, because he is still my friend, and was my friend before we started dating.
Okay, enough of that. He has been ignoring me and I got tired of the tension, so in 4th hour I motioned for him to come over and said, “You know, you can still talk to me. You don’t have to ignore me whenever you see me, and you don’t have to avert your eyes whenever you notice that I can see you staring at me.” He got a sheepish grin and said, “Yeah, I know.”
The conversation pretty much went like this:
Me: So, we can still be friends, that’s not impossible.
Him: Yeah, I know that.
Me: Unless that’s not what you want, in which case just tell me and that’s fine too.
Him: No, I do.
Me: Oh, alrighty then, I can do that. ::joking:: You’re dismissed.
Him: (not going anywhere)
Me: ::joking:: That means you can leave if you want to.
Him: Well, I’m not doing anything over there anyway.
Me: Okay, well you can stay here and talk to me then.
So we sat on the floor across from eachother, and talked about all kinds of stuff. I asked him who he was going after now, and he said he didn’t know. I mentioned Tiffany and he said he didn’t know about that either. He said there wasn’t much else that he was interested in besides me.
We talked about what happened, and how we ended this for a stupid reason, I reiterated the apology that I made when I called him, and added that it didn’t make much difference now. He asked me why. I said that it didn’t make any difference because we were already split. He kind of twitched his mouth and nodded a bit. Then he added, “You know I can’t stay away from you for very long.” I just smiled and said, “Maybe. There’s a first time for everything.” We chatted a bit more, about how I got my hair cut and how he decided not to quit. Eventually continued talking about us, nothing much exciting, then finally the bell rang and we left on good terms.
I caught him staring at me several times.
Eh well. Jason is dating a girl he’s been obsessed with for a long time now, and he’s happy, so I’m happy for him. I don’t know what I’ll do about the other situation, probably play it out and see what happens. Probably nothing though.
signing out.
Foxy
So, just being nosey…are you getting him anything
for Christmas? what? huh?
Oh, and I didn’t mean you had to leave town, it was just you said you had trouble getting your thoughts together for
your schoolwork. And I was having a bad day too, what with the baby (and the daddy). I was just wishing I’d gotten a scholarship and gotten out of town, to a place where everyone doesn’t know everybody elses business and past. Where you are allowed to learn from your mistakes and go on
with your life, like everyone who doesn’t live in a small town is ALLOWED to do. Sorry. I really am. I get depressed.
I only wanted you to not to ever be where I am. And the part where your schoolwork suffered seemed to be the part that started my 'nightmare’or whatever you’d call my life.
TMI Sorry again.