Anybody, want to go down to the candy store, get a Charlotte Russe ?
- Mama, can we have our candy back?
- No! I ate it. I don’t need y’all getting any more cavitiesthan what y’all got. No cavities in this house. [drinks her sugar-filled drink]
So, we bribed lily with all the soda she could drink.
“So this is just a straight up bribe?”
“Oh, no. A bribe you can refuse.”
- I hate to do it, Artie. But I think I’m gonna pass. Sorry.
- Why not?
- Cause if you don’t pay me back, I ain’t gonna be able to hurt ya.
Let’s say that I go out and spend fifty dollars on you. It’s a laborious activity. Because I have to imagine what you need whereas you know what you need.
There’s no need to call a lawyer, Mr. Ditka. You’re not being charged with a crime.
They need a real lawyer. Like Perry Mason.
You’re not just a lawyer now. You’re a witness.
Your grief might seem a little more real had you not just admitted you cut off your wife’s head.
You sad, sad, ungrateful traitors!
Shame! Shame! Shame!
I’m a baaaaad boy.
I’m a dirty girl.
Yes, dirty. Dirty, dirty… dirty.
He’s got two offshore bank accounts - on a sheriff’s salary. Randy, that guy is dirty and I can smell it.
You smell that? That’s the smell of spring, and I love it.
- Ooh, I thought I smelled pizza!
- That’s remarkable. If pepperoni were an explosive substance you could replace German Shepherds at our nation’s airports.
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam…
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.