No, Ted. Brunch is not cool.
You’ll love it. It’s not quite breakfast and it’s not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end.
When I eat dinner, I like to know I’ll be around for breakfast.
Okay, so look, in an hour and a half, we’ll call 911, and we’ll tell them he’s dead, okay? After dinner.
Hey chucklehead! Who rang the dinner bell?
Apparently, “chuckle” is a Southern term for “chopped-up pig rectum.”
This is the South, and we’re proud of our crazy people. We don’t hide them up in the attic. We bring 'em right down to the living room and show 'em off.
Excuse me. My colleagues may be from the North, but for your information, I’m a Texan, born and bred. I know that real chili has no beans and when my meemaw says, “Bless your heart”, she means something very different. Now, my friend here is in need of help. And since our state motto is literally “Friendship”, may he please use your phone?
Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas. And if it was, it wasn’t spoken for very long.
[later, after Sra Varela leaves] Ward, isn’t “la mesa” the Spanish word for chair?
No, I think it’s “la silla”.
Oh, dear. Heaven knows what I told her to sit on.
‘Bonne douche!’ It’s French for ‘good shower.’ It’s a sentiment I can express in six languages.
(To Matthew Broderick):You have a really nice little penis! Penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis…
An outmoded theory, of course, but the boy did spend most of his waking hours with a tight grasp on his penis.
Have to keep a firm hand on boys nowadays, Ward. My Clarence answered me back the other day. I smacked him right in the mouth. None of this psychology for me.
At least I can take comfort in the fact that without embarrassing parents, there’d be no psychology.
Father Knows Best
Yeah, the black sheep. A drunk. Like your Daddy.
KELLY: Are you SURE our real father isn’t the postman?
PEG: No. I’m sorry. He’s not.
Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming… And then the barcode reader breaks! And it’s Publishers Clearing House day!
It’s just that, you know, the Sears catalog came out this week and it puts kind of a strain on me.