-Gee, Eddie, do you really think I could become a big star?
-What are you talking about? If it could happen to Fabian, it could happen to anyone!
If I could fly, I’d be the luckiest boy in the world!
People say I’m lucky.
And it is three times more likely that you will be killed while driving to buy a lottery ticket than it is that you will win the lottery.
You went gambling and you drove without a license and you lied to my face.
Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie, and one to listen.
Who else but you would listen to me sing twenty-five songs and ask for more?
This ain’t Beyoncé.
Don’t worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear. Just sing, sing a song.
-I’ve heard you don’t care for my singing.
-That’- right. It’s the truth that hurts.
I realized the truth about myself. I just love power.
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
I used to find enormous comfort translating Russian poetry.
The Germans have always been a comforting people.
“Why does your tattoo read ‘Die Bart Die’?”
“It’s German. It means ‘The Bart, The.’”
“Oh! Well, anyone who speaks German can’t be that bad.”
I speak twenty languages, Jack. Pick one.
This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!
I wouldn’t have got caught.
[to Eddie, when Eddie calls to confess to changing Beaver’s grade on his report card ] Well, Eddie. That was about the worst joke I ever heard of!
This is Edison Carton, coming to you very much alive.