Now, I’ve given you the impression I’m in favor of fire department personnel, with a crash course in emergency medicine, taking human lives into their own hands. I am not. I’d like to see a specialist handling every bloody nose, so we’d know whether it’s the result of a good right-cross or a tumor. I’d like to see a cardiologist on the scene every time someone drops in the street with a killing pain in his chest.
If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appeared it would’ve died off thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, homo habilis would’ve figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.
He made me this way! His evil is contagious!
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!
If I ever find out just what this word can mean, I’ll be the smartest bird the world has ever seen.
I’m the luckiest boy in the whole world.
People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating.
Jerry: I just lost a job, and five minutes later I get another job, same weekend, same money.
Kramer: You know who you are? You’re Even Steven.
What is a weekend?
“I’ve been meaning to ask you, how was your weekend?”
“About the same as my strong hand.”
Look, Deej, the funny thing about this is that even though it’s okay, and everybody does it, there’s nothing wrong with it, nobody ever ever talks about it.
I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill…
Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sports… the thrill of victory… and the agony of defeat… the human drama of athletic competition… This is “ABC’s Wide World of Sports!”
I’m Floyd Robertson.
And I’m Earl Camenbert.
And this is the SCTV News.
I’m Chevy Chase, and you’re not.
Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
I AM NOT DEaD!
I’m Batman.
I am the Flash, the fastest man alive.
- It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s…
- [chuckles]
- Ralph Hinkley.