When I took your father’s name, I took everything that came with it, including DNA.
Your Honor, we find that Homer Simpson’s soul is legally the property of Marge Simpson and not of The Devil.
There is no such thing as a soul. It’s just something they make up to scare kids, like the Boogeyman or Michael Jackson.
Well, back in 1979, I got real depressed when my Off the Wall album got just one lousy Grammy nomination.
Eat my shorts.
So I said to him, “Look buddy, your car was upside-down when we got here. And as for your grandma, she shouldn’t have mouthed off like that.”
Dear Advertisers: I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. #1: Bra. #2: Horny. #3: Family Jewels.
Three wars back we called Sauerkraut “liberty cabbage” and we called liberty cabbage “super slaw” and back then a suitcase was known as a “Swedish lunchbox.” Of course, nobody knew that but me. Anyway, long story short… is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling.
I’m learneding!
Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
Bart! I am not going to learn ancient Hebrew!
Oh, Noah, Noah! Save us! Save us! No!
Uh, Dad? That’s his crotch.
I’m crazy as a crap-house rat for philanthropy. Hee-haw!
Hold on to your pitchforks everybody! It’s time again for “YA-HOO!” Starring, in alphabetical order: Yodelin’ Zeke! Butterball Jackson! Freddie Boy and Yuma! Cloris Moselle! Big Shirtless Ron! Orville and Hurley! Gappy Mae! Hip Diddler! Rudy! The Ya-Hoo Recovering Alcoholic Jug Band! And tonight, in her syndicated TV debut: Lurleen!
I spent last night in a ditch.
I’m a small man in some ways, Bart. A small, petty man. Three months’ detention. Make that… four months’ detention.
When I grow up, I wanna be a principal or a caterpillar.
Freedom! Horrible, horrible freedom!
I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever. And when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies!