Spooning: Where does my bottom arm go (need answer fast)

Hi, I’m Mister Rik. You may know me from previous threads, wherein I expressed my frustration with my fantasies about relationships with inappropriate women!

You will be happy to know that I have found an “appropriate” woman! She is a mere one year younger than me, and is not a relative (though it turns out that she once lived in the same tiny, obscure town where my mother grew up, and her grown daughter still lives there).

We have not yet “done the deed”, but we have slept in the same bed together a couple times. And therein lies my problem.


I’m the “big spoon”, i.e. lying close behind her, both of us lying on our right sides. My left arm is therefore wrapped around her, and my right arm is …


I can’t figure out what to do with my right arm! If I slip it under her, I fear it will be physically uncomfortable for her. That leaves me with my right arm either crossed against my chest (which feels like I’m putting up a wall between us), or extended down the length of my own body (which makes my right arm fall asleep).

GAH! I don’t know what to do! I haven’t had sex in 20 years, and it’s been that long since I’ve had a woman in my bed! I’m used to sleeping alone, and I sleep face-down with my arms around my pillow!

Hep me! I be hip-mo-tized!

Seriously, what do I do with my right arm?

It goes under your pillow and helps support your head.

I do this even when not spooning.

You’re serious?


You extend your right arm against the edge of the pillows. She puts her right shoulder against, but not atop your right upper arm (her back should be against your chest, right?) and her head rests on the pillow. So, you can bend your right arm at the elbow and wrap that around her.

Sheesh. :: sadly shaking my head :: :rolleyes:

Erk. That doesn’t work for me. I’m “old”, and have shoulder problems, and I can’t even imagine putting my right arm under my pillow while lying on my right side. I have firm memory foam pillows to take care of supporting my head.

Ranger Jeff - yes, totally serious. Raising my arms over my head is painful.

Talk to me like I’m an idiot. I’ve been out of “the game” for way too long, and I’m forgetful.

It goes between her shoulder & pillow, under her neck. Can you raise it that high, which should be straight out for you?

If you can sleep face-down with your arms around your pillow, then you can put your arm either under your own pillow or under her head.

But, honestly, I find it to be uncomfortable too. It’s not any range of motion issues for me, but there is no comfortable position for me - at least nothing that’s comfortable for more than five minutes. The idea of falling asleep that way is incomprehensible to me. (In fact, falling asleep while touching another person in any way is impossible for me, even after fifteen years of marriage. I simply cannot do it.)

My best compromise is to spoon from the waist down and keep a little distance between our torsos. I don’t overheat as quickly, and I can put my lower arm wherever I want to.

Due to our respective contours it works for me to have it wrapped under Mrs. D18s body and lovingly fondle - okay, TMI. I’ll stop there! It depends on whether that works or not with your two bodies.

Congratulations, by the way.

You can always make a cuddle mattress

You mean you don’t have detachable arms?

She’s a keeper if she’s not scared off by TWIN BODY-POWERED DORRANCE #5X STAINLESS STEEL HOOKS!

Somewhat relevant xkcd.


How can you have slept in the same bed with a woman multiple times without having or even attempted to have sex? Are you sure she doesn’t think you are her gay BFF? By that point I can’t imagine anyone still expecting it to happen.


Spooning might not be an actual sleeping position. I wouldn’t be able to sleep like that at least.

If you aren’t having sex I think you are supposed to use your free hand to take care of yourself.

Cuddling with Ms. P is one thing. Sleeping is another. Knowing she’s next to me is great, but in twenty years I’m not sure I’ve gone to sleep spooning as many times as I have fingers. To answer the op’s question, I usually rest my bottom arm on the headboard.


If you are right-handed, you are doing it all wrong. You need to establish the correct orientation at the outset. A right-handed man should take a position on the woman’s right side (in terms of her lying on her back). When you are on her left, touching her with your right hand is ungainly and not as intimate. When you are on her right, you can lie on your left side and touch her easily with you right hand.

If you are left-handed, never mind.

48 years of spooning experience: He puts his right arm under my pillow, I kind of scrunch down lower on the bed. When I spoon him I put my left arm between us.