**I have a week to figure out what to do with my life.
I’m pregnant! **
**First time dad at 44!
Virginity really messes with sex quizzes.
**
**Nothing Is Wrong Witha Low Income Guy Getting An Escort
What is wrong with my dog?
**
Nothing, but you get what you pay for.
**I don’t want this guy’s job
I’m pregnant! **
Yeah, that would definitely be awkward. “Wow, you’ve certainly gained a lot of weight since I saw you last, Bob.”
**
US Soldiers killing Afghani civilians.
Artificial meat**
Hey, at least they eat what they kill.
dude you haven’t even met me
Flashing in Phoenix
Yeah, you have to get to know someone first before you flash them.
**Inventions you’ve come up with.
Mortifying slips of the tongue. **
I’m suing Freud for infringement!
**Things you are dying to say, but just can’t
You took a dump in a public toilet. Why didn’t you flush? **
**I’m pregnant!
What’s the mystery cable in my basement? **
Well, I guess we know what that mystery cable was, now . . .
I’m pregnant!
First time dad at 44!
The phrase “We’re pregnant” was bad enough but now you’re taking all the credit? :dubious:
**Ask The Amputee
Mortifying slips of the tongue.
Mystery of a child’s fingers
**
I feel that I will be going to hell for this, somehow. 
I snorted out loud when I read this one. 
Now it’s…
**Mystery of a child’s fingers
Ask The Amputee
**
**So, what’s the deal with Wyoming?
I should probably ask Click & Clack
**
“Hey guys! What’s the deal with Wyoming?”
**I giggle when I read…
Mortifying slips of the tongue
**
**Ever been shocked at what some people don’t know?
A bathroom scale, the Mona Lisa, my couch…
**
I’d only want to “know” one of these things, if you know what I mean.
**Mortifying slips of the tongue.
You just might be a Romney!
**
**When did “wetback” become a slur?
E-mail automatic timer?
**
Yup, as soon as you use a word in an e-mail, it automatically becomes a slur in 5 years!
** Overheard on Eighth Avenue
Strange noises from the sky
**
** My daughter, 153 months old, just had her first period
Strange noises from the sky
**
Just got a new job
I will be having a telephone interview!
Unless your new job is interviewing people over the phone then I have some bad news for you.