**Why does Chinese translate so badly?
I am going to go get into a car accident **
I thought I said, “I would like the egg foo young,” but thene there was this horrible crashing sound…
Nuclear War = Overrated
This is why I hate computers
Shall we play a game?
I’m very, very sad about trading my car in and need a hug
Hugs! Given and Received - No Questions Asked
What timing!
How’d you get those extra pounds?
I created a New Soup that is gonna make me famous!
Yeah, but it sounds like it will be for all the wrong reasons.
**Just Saw the Space Shuttle Go By!
Horrifying Bugs Invading Earth **
Good job NASA on that whole “Dooms Mankind” thing.
Separated by three. Normally I wouldn’t list two thsat far apart, ut it’s worth it:
**Cut-rate brain surgery
I shaved my head today. Feels weird.
**
**I found the first SF novel I ever read
RIP Dick Clark
**
That’s too far fetched. It’s been scientifically proven that Dick Clark’s immortal. Right? Right?
Expressions that replace “Oh, my god!”
is it just me?
“The building’s on fire!!” “Is it just me?”
Nah, that sucks.
**Is There Anything Known To Be Real That Science Cannot Explain…At All?
Please explain shipping, especially shipwrecks, during the 1800s.
**
Tide goes in, ships go down. You can’t explain that!
** “Like it or lump it”: do you know what this phrase means?
Stupid Quotations You Hate To Hear
**
**Potty training: got the basics, now what?
A Frank Conversation on Erections and Pain
**
Boy, they move on to the Adult stuff fast.
**How can you kill 77 people in self-defense?
Infants Fly Free?
**
I’m sick of these @!#$$% infants on this !@#$ plane!
**My mom is a birther
Hey, I’m committing incest! (sort of)
**
Double Ewwwwww!
Who wants to marry a preteen? Come on down!
Caesar is a year old (Cat Pics Inside)
Pedophilia bestiality, the best of both worlds! 
What?
**Hot girls have problems too (aka the new Rebecca Black)
Julia Louis-Dreyfuss…Smoking! **
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
** Lasting impact of the Unabomber’s manifesto
See, now he’s eating Humble Pie!**
How can I help my sister get post-weight-loss skin removal surgery?
Time for the Vet?
Upside: Lots cheaper, free doggie biscuit. Downside: Post-op recovery pens are small, cramped.
Using Feces for Fuel - how could people stand it?
Poop changing color based on diet?
If you’re “going green”, refuel somewhere else.
What was your bedtime as a kid?
Diablo 3 Open Beta weekend
3 maybe 4 AM
I think my cat is pregnant…
LOLittering!
My mom is a birther
I think your mom is a cat.