OMG I TOTALLY FOUND SPOILERS FOR STAR WARS EPISODE III !!! I got them from theforce.net !!!
WARNING!!! SPOILERS!!!
it’s going to suck. the rest of this text is to pad out the spoilers and make it look legitimate. hoo boy baby it’s going to suck donkey balls. la la la i’m filling up space just like lucas filled up four hours of film with jar jar.
WOW!!! Can you believe it?
The Fall of the Republic?
What if he throws us a curve ball and we find out in Episode III that…
Anakin dies – he never was Darth Vader at all. Instead, we find out that Jar-Jar Binks turns to the dark side, becomes Darth Vader, and fathers Luke and Leia!
But there’s the spooky Jedi trio thing at the end of Return of the Ki… uh, Jedi. Will Lucas go back and CGI Jar Jar’s mug over the Anakin ghost? Or would it be easier to make Obi-Wan turn to him and say, “Who the hell are you?”
I don’t think that Goofy should be in Star Wars. Neither should Mickey.
However, I could see Donald Duck.
I’d love to see an extra-special edition with nice cel-animation of Donald replacing Jar-Jar. I can already picture him getting his beak numbed by the pod-racer engine sparky-things, and jumping around hopping mad, uttering unintelligible curses. Much better.
Maybe he could force Anniken to smoke an entire box of cigars, causing him to puke on Qui-gon’s shoes. Sweet.
Darth Donald Duck as some sort of alien sith - the thought alone cracks me up.
I personally think the title will be
Star Wars III: How the Palpatine got his Groove Back.
How about: Episode III: Tarkin Finally Shows Up.
…Yeah, like that’ll happen…stupid rasslefrassin’ Lucas…
Episode III: I can’t believe you suckers fell for another bad movie while I roll in the dough
But that shows Lucas’ real intentions. How about Episode III: The Final Trick
I finally figured out the spoiler boxes
Episode III
**Jar Jar Binks get Shoved into a Wood Chipper**
I’m there, dude!
Plus, it’s a triumph for the Sith, and the Jedi and everyone else in a galaxy far, far away.
You know, as far as the movies’ titles being “lame,” I think we at least have to give credit where it’s due. I think the one thing that Episodes I and II got right, at least at the beginning of each movie, is the feel of an old pulp serial. Especially with the whole attempted-assassination subplot at the beginning of Attack of the Clones – certain scenes of that sequence seemed straight out of an old Charlie Chan movie, with reasonably clever sci-fi type updates.
So the spirit of the titles is there, at least.
And it pains me to be defending George Lucas, but well, there it is.
There was a thread about this about a year ago, too.
For anyone interested: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=108871
Happy
Duck Vader: [long deep mechanical breath] Luke… I’m your father’s duck.
Star Wars III: If You Weren’t in IV, V, or VI, Don’t Start Any Long Novels.
Okay, a bit serious, what about:
Fall of the Jedi
or even more cryptic
Death of the Jedi, seeing as how Jedi could be singular or plural.
I don’t think Buena Vista will release its duck-franchise to Lucas. Fear not - there is always the possibility of Howard the Duck, an original Lucas Concept.
or…
Duck Vader: Luke… my force won’t echo!
LOL. Maybe he was just some dead guy that didn’t have anyone else to visit. Or the ghost of Star Wars Christmas Specials Past
Duck? Naw. But I could definitely see Marvin the Mar-- er, um, Marvin the Tatooinian.
You’re kidding, right? That turkey was based on a comic book that didn’t suck nearly as much. George just threw some money at the project.
