I just wanted info specifically for… er, 'a “friend”, who’s 29, and (until now, an ex) virgin, but wont stay up for long. His first encounter was with a attractive woman, but she’s a mom. Could that effect the sensation? There wasn’t much feeling for my friend, he didn’t even know when he was ‘in’, but thinks he could get use to it if he didn’t go semi-flaccid so often. He doesn’t have money for Viagra, and has a good mix of antidepressants/anxiety meds that’s doing there job, even though he knows they could have an effect. He could try to eat better and hold off on ‘self gratification’…
So he’s hoping that relaxing more, and cutting back on his daily ritual will be enough… this what his first time. Poor little guy. Could this help? Any other suggestions?
SSRIs have the well noted side effect of reducing both erectile rigidity and sensation. Your best bet is to talk with a psychiatrist or psychopharmacologist about the issue; they may try to switch you to a different drug for which the effects are less severe.
Eating better and exercise are always good ideas, but the best recommendation is just not to worry too much about it. Pick up a copy of The Joy of Sex and research all the other things you can do in bed besides intercourse, and go to it.
Dan Savage on his Savage Love podcast has also mentioned the problem that a guy who’s used to masturbating, especially if he’s got one particular method that he sticks to all the time and if it’s a bit of a tight grip, can desensitize his penis to more subtle forms of stimulation. He advocates switching up the method and not resorting to the firmer usual method, plus not doing it daily, and says you’ll definitely get yourself to enjoying other stimulation if you stick with that.
If your “friend” is worried that he has a physical problem, based on his first and only sexual encounter, then he should just chill out for now and give it another go. Nobody’s first time goes well. He needs to relax and get comfortable with his partner, and things are bound to improve on their own.
To be quite candid, my “friend” can lose interest when doing it himself, not be as firm, or even quit every now and then. One of my main questions is can this be a result of, (among other things), doing it too much? Can a guy only get so horny? I mean, I know it can be hard to go many times, but how long does it take to fuel up? In general… he’s had great sex with self too.
Size also makes a difference. Once you get about 7" it becomes more difficult to stay hard. Those who are 10" and more, most of the time never stay firm all the time.
If SWIM is having trouble and only had one encounter, tell him to forget it. One thing about sex is it is different with different people and depends on so many things. From your general health, mental attitude and such. People can even get “weirded out” by odd things like “Her hamster is in the same room watching us.”
I do agree with the poster that says masturbation often makes the person too use to his own technique and you have to “re-learn” with your partner. It can be done but it takes time.