Oh, I’ve read The Odyssey (and The Iliad…the latter was a real slog); it’s just been a couple of yea^H^H^Hdecades since I read the whole thing, though I’ve read bits and pieces ('specially the bit with the Sirens) time and again.
Ah, if she doesn’t maintain a great hatred of pigeons then she isn’t my dream girl after all. 
Stranger
QuickSilver, I’m glad you retracted your suggestion, because I was having a hard time thinking of a diplomatic way to tell Stranger that it sucked and he should disregard it.
Here’s my take: don’t try to impress her by parroting back anything from her profile. Don’t quote the Odyssey, don’t tell her how much you liked all the things she liked. Instead, tell her why her profile caught your eye and then try to say something funny and clever.
Here’s what I would write if I were trying to woo this girl:
That’s a quick first draft. If it ends up sucking, I hope QuickSilver will do the right thing and mock me mercilessly.
She put up a very nice ad. I’m impressed by your taste in women!
Obviously, this is how I would approach her were I, well, single and a lesbian. Use what you can. Discard the rest. Do the hokey pokey. That’s what it’s all about.
Guys, I know you think you’re all suave and all, but if anybody replied to my, ahem, online personal ad with a line of poetry, even a line of Greek poetry I’ve already mentioned liking, I’m already rolling my eyes and possibly making humorous gagging sounds. Any person I’d ever date would also be making humorous gagging sounds.
I know we all know we’re trying for that nonchalant style - breezy is in. Maybe some Homer-lovin’ girls would be all about “Sing, Muse”, but nobody I know. Please consider your cheese factor.
I’m no red-headed hottie, but, for what it’s worth, Giraffe’s is my favorite so far: it’s the most likely to make me smile, and it would make me want to like the guy’s profile. 
Okay, so I bit the bullet–probably the end with the primer in it–and sent off a message. Not the wittiest thing I ever wrote…well, in fact, it was pretty self-admittedly lame, but I did it, and now I can look forward to a week of checking my e-mail several times a day before finally giving up on the whole romantic contact thing and paddling my kayak off to the South Seas.
For those who are interested, here is the cringe-worthy note I sent:
Sheesh, does it get any worse? Well, at least there aren’t any egregious spelling or grammatical errors (oh, crap, there is one after all!), and I did punctuate and capitalize, so I suppose it’s better than about half of everything on the Internet, but still…
I’m going to go roll into a corner now with a nice thick book and block the world for a few hours.
Stranger
As a veteran of the Online Personals Wars (I, II, III & IV), Stranger, your initial volley was sweet and genuine and if I were her…my tummy would jump in a good way!
Good luck, Stranger! Don’t forget to keep emailing hundreds and hundreds of other women.
And remember, too, no one really reads what you write them, so go ahead and cut/paste the same message over and over. They’ll appreciate your efficiency, especially when they get an identical note from you three weeks later! :rolleyes:
Death to carpetbombers, that’s all I gotta say.
In the somber light of morning, upon further review of my post, I can only claim temporary insanity and once again fall on my sword. :smack: If the mods decide to take away my posting priviledges, it would be a welcome and painless death. I may never live this down… 
Whatever shred of credibility I may yet posses, real or imagined, I’d say this is a great approach but you’re photo must speak volumes about you. In other words, you better be her type visually. It may be unfair but it’s what gets you in the door. Personality, style and charm is what keeps you there but you’ve got to get in the door first. A well crafted message helps tremendously. (Mine should sever as an example of what NOT to write).
Yeah, 'cuz I’d be critisizing from a position of unquestionable authority on the subject! :rolleyes:
It’s not about being “suave,” it’s about finding the right person. If you or anyone else you know are the kind who gags and rolls your eyes at such things, it’s better to get that out in the open in the beginning. It is far less awkward at this stage than to find out over a great meal and much excitement that the girl I spent lots of time and effort trying to bring out is not really my type.
This is not just about getting a girl to go out with you, it is about finding one you really want to spend time with. I know it must seem shocking, but guys can be selective as well.
Thanks for the kind words, Stranger. I definitely hope this works out for you.
Stranger,
FWIW, I still think you need a good hook (opening title) line. Try:
In the body of the message, keep it brief and to the point but complimentary. As I wrestled sleeplessly through the night with your dilema (and my lame lame lame earlier posts) I recall coming to the conclusion that a brief and to the point note was what worked best for me in the past. The longer, highly involved ones almost never did. They just come across as someone trying too hard. Try:
Hoping I’ve redeemed myself a bit with this…
-QS
P.S. It is a numbers game Stranger. Do keep at it. Don’t hang all your hopes on a single profile.
I (a guy) thought it was real good. Nice work.
And she must really be something else, because when I clicked on the link to go to her profile, my computer crashed.
My best advice to you, Stranger, after reading what you sent her, is that it’s good, but I would recommend you re-read what you write and take it down at least one intellectual geek notch before sending. Look for big, unusual words that scream “GEEK! GEEK!” and substitute more commonly-used ones (aether, absurdities, and riotous are the ones that jump out at me). I don’t consider this “dumbing it down”; if a guy sent me a grammatically-correct error-free email with no pretentious words, that told me all I needed to know about his intellect. You can save the pretentious words for once you’ve hooked her (you should hear the conversations my husband and I have - we sound like dictionaries exploded. )
In other words, you’re trying too hard.
I’d have to disagree with that…about the only time I ever wrote back to people responding to my online profile was when their contact emails contained a few polysyllabic words. I have a great vocabulary-I want to be with someone that sounds erudite and can use language with aplomb. As long as it was judicious and the contact email conveyed some sense of self-deprecation/humour etc. etc. it only served to turn me on, not off.
That’s exactly what I’m shooting for. Any girl who is going to be turned off by “GEEK! GEEK!” isn’t going to last a coffee date with me, for better or for worse. It isn’t an affectionation; that’s actually the way I talk, and it does turn people off, but I don’t know how to change it. I just can’t do the superficial social chatter that most people do (and not that this makes me in any way a better person; in the converse, it’s a real problem for me.) While I try not to unlease the full force of my geekness upon an unsuspecting lass, I’d rather warn her off in the initial contact than spend four hours over dinner and drinks struggling to talk to Barbie Doll. Those sort of incidents just serve to lower my (already dimished) opinion of romantic entanglement and the human race at large.
Stranger
Affectation. I don’t know where the above came from. :rolleyes: Maybe I’m channeling for GWB through some CIA mind control ray experiment. No wonder I sound like such a dope.
Stranger
Hey, to each their own. I’m a geek, my husband is a geek, neither of us was particularly trying to hide it when we met, but we weren’t going out of our way to show off how many big words we knew either. I could tell from his emails that he was very smart and well-educated without the $10 words. His grammar, spelling, and word usage was flawless in his emails - that told me more than any amount of big words could have.
There’s a fine line here - of course you don’t want to dumb it down so far that you have nothing in common with someone who shows interest; you also don’t want to show your less-attractive attributes until you’ve hooked them.
Be brutally honest - I could be totally out to lunch here, but were you trying to impress her with your big words?
I don’t think you really should stress so much about the first letter. Make it short and witty and obvious that you’ve read her profile. But it isn’t the letter that makes her decide to go out with you, it’s the profile. The letter just hopefully ignites her interest enough to check you out and it will unless it has some glaringly obvious definciency. (like bad grammar or spelling, comes on too strong, prematurely mentions sex, etc…)
Well I have to say that I’ve never considered a word like “riotous” or “absurdities” to be 10$ words and I don’t self-identify as a “geek,” or label other people “geeks” although who knows, I may be one. Aether is probably the closest to a “deliberate use of vocab” word. When I think 10$ word I think along the lines of “phantasmagoric” or “solipsism” or “mendacious” or something like that and even then it’s usually couched in a complex compound sentence where EVERY word is obviously a vocab word and there is frequent use of “I”.
Every guy who ever wrote to me was trying to impress with something-money, intelligence, job, attractiveness etc. etc… I can’t say that there’s a man who wrote to me without indicating in his first email that he had an angle to him that was supposed to make me, as a woman, interested in him. Then again, I only date Desi guys and they are more arrogant and sure of themselves on average (and I like it like that so it’s not a pejorative comment) so perhaps my sample pool of men is tainted.
There’s a dividing line between “earnestly trying to show he’s smart with a sense of humour” and “pompous and interested in pointing out how smart he is to stroke his own ego” and to me Stranger on a Train’s email fell on the “earnestly trying to catch chick’s attention” side of the line. I didn’t read desperation into his email, just interest and a little earnestness.