While on a canoe trip with friends while consuming large quantities of beer, I had to pee but realized I was too drunk to stand or even kneel in the canoe, and there was no shoreline nearby to pull the canoe over to. So, I laid down in the canoe, and made a perfect arc from inside the canoe over the side into the water. My drunken friends were most impressed that not a drop was seen to go inside the canoe.
In a shopping mall parking lot, but on the grass. It was late at night, there weren’t many people around, and I was drunk.
Inside a sleeping bag. My Scout troop had gone up to Siwanoy for a winter weekend, it was late Sunday night, and I didn’t feel like leaving our nice, warm cabin to walk to the communal latrine.
No doubt he heard that you had to see a man about a horse.
Which reminds me of a story a former bandmate often told about the woman who became (and remains) his wife.
She was a country girl who was, shall we say, a bit naive. My friend took her to a restaurant on their first date, and at some point along the way he felt the call of nature.
He said to her “Excuse me, I have to see a man about a horse” — to which she said in a sparkly, sing-song voice “Oh, I just LOVE horses!”
Stuck in gridlocked traffic in Houston, I squatted on the shoulder of Hwy 59.
I don’t recall anything all THAT unusual, unless you count the pay-toilet I had to use when I was about 12. This would’ve been the early 1970s, and it’s the only one I have EVER seen - it was somewhere between Baltimore and Ocean City, MD. Of course, when one of us finished we would hold the door open for the next person waiting in line, so the diner didn’t exactly rake in the dimes that day.
Moon Unit, when she was about 4, HAD TO GO NOW while we were driving. No restrooms in sight, so we pulled into a somewhat deserted parking lot, I dumped out a soft drink cup, and helped her fill it up. It went into a nearby trash can.
Then 3 days later, the SAME THING happened. This time, it happened to be the parking lot near a military memorial. No time to find restrooms - just dump out the flat cola and refill - then search for a trash can.
That time, as we drove away, my husband turned to me in horror and said “We. Just. Desecrated. A. National. Monument!!!” and we both lost it.
In my wetsuit.
Big gulp cup [empty] and wearing a skirt. Slither off the panties, grab a handful of fast food napkins, slide the seat all the way back, slide all the way foreward on the seat until ass is effectively hanging off the front, very carefully squeeze the lips f the cup to turn the opening into an oval, gently move it up into the crotch so it sort of fits the almond shaped area between legs and exercise the skills from kegeling to slowly pee gently into the cup, then wipe. And then since it is a torrential downpour, and the car was parked at the end of the parking area roll the window down, dump the cup out the window, catch some water and rinse it out, reserve for later. Pop the used napkins into the plastic ‘thank you’ bag serving as garbage. Pop the lid back on the big gulp cup and store standing up behind the seat.
What? We were driving home from Pennsic, it was 2 am and a torrential down pour and I didn’t want to walk to the bathroom, on crutches I go slow enough that I would have been absolutely drenched with no change of clothing and a 10 hour drive ahead. No closer parking spaces than the absolute end of the parking area because everybody pulled off to wait out the rain.
Subsequently I bought a sort of female urinal funnel, you can stick one end of it into a soda bottle =) You don’t need to get out of your car to stand in a nasty dirty bathroom [and I have seen some scummy public bathrooms in my travels @_@] as if you do the scootch thing you can pee into a large soda bottle.
… My vietnamese wife came out from the toilet at a cafe in Vietnam,
and she said “I’ll hold the door closed for you because its an outdoor toilet.”
I step through the door way and see, and say" hey, the cubical is around there to the right…" A proper cubical with pedestal (western) toilet…
Was he wearing Old Spice?
LTA aircraft aren’t known for their amenities:
A blimp ride can be 10 hrs, with 10 people & no bathroom (unless you have a empty bottle)
A gas balloon can go for 2-3 days, with 2 people in a roughly 3’ x 5’ space. Privacy is having your co-pilot turn around.
These days a place like that has security video cameras… all around.
When I did something like that, a whole bunch of security guys came around… one said "hey are you feeling alright ? " just to let me know they had cameras… embarrassment as punishment. You never know where the security company has their office or game room.
Along side the road while driving through New Zealand. Think we were somewhere on the west coast of the south island overlooking the Tasman Sea.
Upon the White Cliffs of Dover at 4:30 in the morning.
ETA: Oh, and a hearty second for FUDs. Great for travel as well as traffic jams.
On a hill while hiking back in 2000 with my dad and brother.
I hike and backpack and I’m a guy, so where haven’t I gone pee?
Funniest for me was peeing off the north side of the M Street bridge over Rock Creek Parkway in Washington DC. We just stood as close to the rail as possible so it looked like we were enjoying the view, tucked it through the gap between vertical rails, and watered the roadway below. It was dark so it wasn’t too noticeable.
Grossest was on a day trip to the mountains to play in the snow. I had something that disagreed with me for lunch. Coming back down the mountain, my bowels demanded immediate relief, so I pulled over, grabbed a box of tissues from the back seat, leapt over the ridge of snow pushed up by the snowplow, dropped trou, and blasted away. When I turned around, I saw a field of pure white fluffy powder marred by a brown fan pattern that spread out about 3-4 feet.
There was a blizzard in the 70’s. We were all released from work at noon and the friend I carpooled with and I dug out our car in the downtown parking lot and headed out of the city. Well, that was the plan. She was ‘driving’ in a gridlock situation, crawling along the main street about a yard every 15 minutes. (It took us about 5 hours to drive about 10 miles home.) About 2:30 p.m. all my morning coffee not already expelled was pressuring me, so I got out of the car, ducked into a gas station, used the facilities, and went back out and got into the car. Which had moved down the street about 6 feet…Another time: I was 12 and had my period. My parents and I drove up into the Adirondacks in the summer to pick up my brother at a friend’s camp. This very rustic camp was one big room with a little port-a-potty thing in an enclosure right off the porch, the kind you had to empty after it was ‘used’ - OK for peeing, but I had a monster of a stomachache and was bleeding like a stuck pig. It was very close quarters! And the one big room had a dozen people in it sitting around and talking. I just couldn’t do it. I went outside and walked in the woods as far as I could before I just dug a shallow hole in some leaves and pine needles and let loose a huge blast of liquid. (and I could hear kids running around playing very close by!)…Same thing happened at a sleepover at a school friend’s house, about a year later. We were in the basement, half a dozen girls, strange house, pitch dark room. I didn’t know where the bathroom was. I didn’t know where my school friend was! (I think she was upstairs sleeping in her room.) It was just about dawn and I thought I was about to die from cramps and a belly ache. There was a screen door leading out to the back yard, so out I crept, behind a garden shed, and relieved myself. The sun was coming up, the birds were singing. I crept back in. I felt awful. About the whole thing. The back yard was adjacent to the woods, so maybe if the parents came across my souvenier, I thought they would assume a bear or dog or something had left it there. 
(
In a moving train while in India, at around 2 AM, standing over a ‘squat’ toilet/hole in the floor.
The internal light was out so I was holding a small flashlight in my mouth, trying to balance, not step in what I hoped was water (wearing flip-flops), not drop my light down onto the track and stop my pants from falling into the ‘water’ as well.
I feel sorry for the person who finds the remains of a saddle trench latrine I left on a hilltop in Oklahoma. A week’s worth of T-Rats and MREs does not do wonders for your digestive system.
Hanging my butt off the side of a boat to pee while bass fishing on Caddo Lake in Louisiana. Too many gators and snakes to beach it.