Stuff I already know about you..

[AncientHumanoid]

That’s not dust! That’s filthy bug pants filth!
I got my eye on you …

[PandaBear77]

You looked in a mirror the first chance you got after losing your virginity to see if you looked any different.

[Cat_Whisperer]

I know that most of you leave a quarter of an ounce of milk in the jug and put it back in the fridge because it isn’t empty yet. You also leave a quarter of an ounce of coffee in the pot at work so it isn’t empty yet and you don’t have to make a new one.

::“Forked fingers pointing at my eyes, then at yours” gesture::

[JustinC]

@tdn

I know that when you’re walking somewhere, then realize that you forgot something and have to do an about face and walk in the other direction, you swear or make a pained face so that people around you don’t think that you’re the kind of person who does an about face and walks in the other direction for no good reason.

That had me giggling like a little school girl.

I’d add that I know that when you’re out and trip you’ll do a little hop and skip before resuming your walk.

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

Sometimes you touch your taint and smell your finger…just to check.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@FoieGrasIsEvil

Sometimes you touch your taint and smell your finger…just to check.

And some of you touch someone else’s taint and smell your finger, just to check. You know who you are.

[Civil_Guy]

If your store advertises a sale with everything 20% off, I know that you’ll still somehow manage to make a profit on the deal.

[Rich_Mann]

I know that when you walk through a spider web or a cloud of gnats and do that waving away thing that you do, you deliberately overact in order to make sure that anyone watching from a distance knows that you walked through a spider web or a cloud of gnats and that you don’t have epilepsy or Tourette’s or something.

[shijinn]

@Bob Ducca

If I’m waiting for an elevator after pressing the Up or Down call button, and you walk up to also ride the elevator. You will press the call button even if it’s obviously lit up and I’m obviously waiting for the elevator already. But good job on doing it better, otherwise we might have been waiting here all day.

i’m going up in the lift and it stops on your floor. you look at me, pretend you’re surprised and gesture, “going down?”. i know you pressed both the up and down call buttons for no good reason. well good job, you just stole 5 seconds of my precious time.

[Corcaigh]

@Jackknifed_Juggernaut

I obviously wasn’t talking about you.

I am disappoint…

@tdn

Ooh, bringing high tech to an awkward situation! I like it.

Thank you, I’m here all week, try the veal!!

@Soylent_Juicy

When getting a glass of water from the tap, you run the water so it gets cold and while it’s running you fill the glass a little, swish the water around then dump it out before you fill the glass again and actually drink the water.

Nah, I have a water filter jug

@Rich_Mann

I know that when you walk through a spider web or a cloud of gnats and do that waving away thing that you do, you deliberately overact in order to make sure that anyone watching from a distance knows that you walked through a spider web or a cloud of gnats and that you don’t have epilepsy or Tourette’s or something.

“I’m rehearsing for a show!”

[wayward]

You know when you’re sat alone in a bar, waiting for your friends? Yeah, I know you’re not really texting anyone.

[Soylent_Juicy]

When there’s a power outage and you walk into a room you still flick on the light switch.

[Chessic_Sense]

I know you flip the pillow over and lay on the cool side.

I know that when idling in the shower, you sometimes pin your arms across your abdomen, gather some water, and play “rain god” by releasing it on imaginary, tiny inhabitants of the shower floor.

[Intergalactic_Gladiator]

@Chessic_Sense

I know you flip the pillow over and lay on the cool side.

Are you watching me sleep?

[purplehorseshoe]

@Chessic_Sense

… I know that when idling in the shower, you sometimes pin your arms across your abdomen, gather some water, and play “rain god” by releasing it on imaginary, tiny inhabitants of the shower floor.

I am thoroughly creeped out right now. I thought I was the only one who did that! checks bathroom for hidden cameras
I know that I wasn’t the only one who got as far as “… idling in the shower” and made some guesses about where this post was going. I know that you did too, you dirty pervert.

[MeanOldLady]

@tdn

I know that when you’re walking somewhere, then realize that you forgot something and have to do an about face and walk in the other direction, you swear or make a pained face so that people around you don’t think that you’re the kind of person who does an about face and walks in the other direction for no good reason.

Nope! I pull over and pretend like something is happening on my phone, perhaps someone suddenly changing plans on me. I then return my phone to my purse, pretending to suppress exasperation, and turn around.

@FoieGrasIsEvil

Sometimes you touch your taint and smell your finger…just to check.

Ew. Not so, but I know that every. single. time. you poop, you have to check it out.

[Soylent_Juicy]

Women: when you use the bathroom you always check your underpants to make sure your period hasn’t started.

(TMI - yes - but you guys were talking about “taints” upthread so don’t complain!)