You know, I have to agree with some of the earlier posters; bitching about not having a girlfriend is not a good way to get a girlfriend.
I have a lot of friends who are guilty of this. They tend to make some of the following mistakes:
1.) Not letting the girl know that they’re interested.
2.) Declaring their undying love before asking for a date. Trust me, it scares us off.
3.) Making us feel like they’re only going with us because we’re female and paying attention to them. Not because we’re special.
Also, I personally don’t want to deal with a guy who isn’t going to be all right without me. Having someone need you constantly, day-in day-out is emotionally exhausting. Besides, relationships aren’t all sunshine and light. They can be a huge pain in the ass. You mature enough to deal with that, kiddo?
OK… I’ve spotted the problem for dna_man! He’s on his knees BEHING the girls! They can’t see him!
Seriously, though… lighten up! All you single people out there WILL find someone eventually! Until then, live it up! Have fun! Get a life! Someone who is fun to be with, secure in themselves, and confident… that’s attractive! (and not just to women!)
Someone who is whiny, needy, and desperate… that is NOT attractive!
Christ! I’m big, clumsy, not very bright, smelly, and fat! And I found someone! How, you ask? Easy! I stopped worrying about it! It’s THAT simple!
When you go from being “that guys desperately looking for a girlfriend” to “that guy” you will notice a sea-change in how people (Women are people too!) respond to you!
Maybe you should try just enjoying your life and becoming the most rounded person you can be? Then when you meet someone who you actually fall for, as opposed to the first girl you see on the street, you will be well placed to attract her back.
It’s always the jerks that get the girls, eh? Well I see three possibilities:
You’re very young. For some reason most teenage girls really do seem to be attracted to dangerous types. I can only advise you that this is not universally true and anyway that the vast majority of them will wake up and smell the roses by the time they reach their early twenties. When this happens, the nice guys get the interesting, rounded, balanced women and the jerks get stuck with the screw-ups and with trying to chase the teenagers.
Furthermore, if you’re anything like most teenage boys then you are fairly socially clueless - hell, I certainly was, as were most of my friends. Don’t worry, life teaches lessons fairly quickly. When you’re comfortable within yourself, you’re much more attractive to others.
You only know the type of girls that are attracted to jerks. You don’t want to go out with such a type anyway. Start mixing socially with women instead. If you fish in a septic tank, you’re not going to catch salmon.
Actually they aren’t jerks, you are. They treat women as people and get responded to in kind. You treat them as some mysterious object and can’t say more than two words without tripping over your tongue. If this is the case then I think you know what the answer is.
Since I know nothing about you, I can’t guess what category you come into. But this is the pit and you’ve ranted against all couples, which includes me. So I think that I shall assume the third. Get off the cross, Christos.
No offense taken of course, cazzle That was exactly my point. It takes time for people to figure out what, and who, they want in life. Give it time and it’s amazing the things you can realize about yourself.
It has been my experience that guys who say they are nice guys frequently aren’t. The site tisiphone linked to hits it right on the head. It’s frequently the case that these guys --and women fall into this trap too-- are sitting around feeling sorry for themselves and blaming all their troubles on other people, when what they should be doing is looking at what it is about them that makes them either unattractive to other people, or be attracted to/by the wrong people.
Women sometimes choose men who are bad for them because they don’t have enough self-confidence and self-respect to expect to be treated well. Those of us who are fortunate enough to develop some maturity do start to choose men who are truly nice guys.
And to repeat what several others have already said, nice guys aren’t guys who whine about how women only like jerks. They’re guys who are busy living their lives and not sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. They’re guys who are confident enough to be kind, but strong enough not to be doormats. Guys who act like jerks and get lots of girls get girls with Issues.
As a single man, with a record of celibacy that many Popes would envy, I can sympathize with the OP…
… a little. But a very little little.
It does rather seem to reduce to “why are all these women stupid enough to date jerks, when they could have ME instead?” - which, well, isn’t an attitude calculated to endear you to anyone. Those women are dating men they like, because those are the men they like. If you want to get yourself a girlfriend, you want to find some woman who will like you. This may involve changing your own attitude and demeanour to some extent. It probably isn’t necessary to become a drunken wife-beater type… but stopping whining is probably a good idea.
Compromise. All social relationships depend on compromise. You may, of course, be lucky enough to bump into someone tomorrow who will love you unconditionally for what you are… but that’s not the way to bet.
(Or you can do what I do. Contrary to popular belief, constant masturbation doesn’t make you go blind. I can see my keyboard perfectly v;rs;u. yjsml upi.)
sigh I know exactly the feeling that the OP describes, when you are longing for a relationship and none ever comes along you really d0 feel that it never will, and for some people it truly never does, it is called ‘involuntary celibacy’, I was in that situation until 6 months ago, and if it wasn’t for the Internet and online dating ads I still would be, and I was lucky, I had to sift through an awful lot of dirt before I found the gold!
All I know is, back when I was feeling that way, I always thought it was very smug and very easy of Coupled people to blithely say “it’ll happen one day” because it isn’t always that easy, that’s all.
Anyway, I recommend dating ads. Just be prepared for the wierdos and wannabe adulterers and eventually you may find a normal person
And yes, sorting your own life out and becoming a rounded person who doesn’t necessarily need a relationship to be happy does help.
Good luck! (and though I am part of a couple now I don’t feel offended at what the OP wrote at all! I know exactly how he feels as I lived it for something like 13 years!)
Said with only a tinge of sarcasm:
What worked for me to increase my attractiveness was getting married, having kids, and being completely out of the market. A “Thanks, but I don’t care to have sex with you” attitude can apparently be terribly attractive. I had to gain a hundred pounds to slow them down and it mostly just slowed ME down.
Okay, a lot of these ladies are twenty years my senior, but I try to ignore that. The guys in my family have always been death, so to speak, on the AARP crowd.
Said without any sarcasm:
As for “hot girls,” you’d be amazed how hot normal women are if you give them a chance.
