I haven’t done my elephant routine in a while, so lets see how it goes.
**note:**I’m going to repeat some said above. Deal with it. It may not look like much on paper, but it works like magic if you’ve got a good tempo.
How do you fit an elephant in a fridge?
Open door, put elephant in fridge, close door.
Whats harder than getting an elephant into a VW?
Getting two elephants into a VW.
Whats harder than getting two elephants into a VW?
Getting a pregnant elephant into a VW.
Whats harder than getting a pregnant elephant into a VW?
Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW.
How do you fit four elephants into a VW?
Two in front, two in back.
How can you tell if there’s an elephant in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?
Two sets of foorprints in the butter.
How can you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge?
The door won’t close.
How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?
The VW is parked outside.
How do you fit eight(!) elephants into a fridge?
Well, a fridge large enough to hold two elephants can obviously hold two VWs. Obtain two, and place four elephants in each (two in the front, two in the back of course). Proceed to open fridge, place said VWs in fridge, and close door.
Despite poaching and the destruction of habitat, many elephants still roam free today. Why is that?
The fridge isn’t big enough.
How do you fit Tarzaan into the fridge?
open door, remove VWs, insert Tarzaan, close door.
How do you fit two Tarzaans into the fridge?
There’s only one Tarzaan, silly.
How can you tell if Tarzaan’s in your fridge?
His trademark scream. [joke-teller proceeds to screem]
How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
He paints his testicles red, and sits in a cherry tree.
What is the loudest animal in the jungle.
A girraffe - picking cherries.
What is the fastes animal in the jungle?
A monkey - picking cherries.
How did Tarzaan die?
Picking cherries.
How do the elephants get into the cherry trees?
They parachute.
Why don’t monkies wander around the forest on tuesday at 5 o’clock?
Thats when elephants practice parachuting.
Whats the slimy red stuff between an elephants toes?
A watchless-monkey.
What do you call two elephants on a bycicle?
Optimistic.
How can you tell if there’s an elephant at your local pub?
His bycicle is parked outside.
How can you tell if there are two elephants in the pub?
The crossbar is bent.
I will now proceed to relate to you my treatise on how to capture a white elephant. First: Find a place where white elephants roam free. Next, obtain a large supply of muffins (with raisins), for white elephants love muffins (with raisins). Then, climb up a tree. Once each day, when the white elephant comes near, drop down a muffin (with raisins) for him to eat. Do this once each day, for at least two weeks, until the white elephant comes to expect the daily muffins (with raisins). On the day you plan to capture the white elephant, when the white elephant comes 'round for his muffin (with raisins) through down a muffin. No raisins. The white elephate will become so upset that he will darken with rage, and turn grey.
You may then capture him like you would an ordinary elephant.
Whats the diference between an elephant and a blueberry?
Blueberries are blue.
Here’s a classic:
What time is it when an elephant is sitting on your fence?
TUESDAY, 5 O’CLOCK
What did Tarzaan say when he saw the herd of elephants coming over the hill?
“Look, here comes the herd of elephants.”
What did Jane say?
“Look, here comes the blueberries.”(Jane is colorblind.)
What did Tarzaan say when he saw the herd of elephants come over the hill wearing sunglasses?
Nothing. He didn’t recognize them.
What did Tarzaan say when he saw the herd of girraffes coming over the hill?
“Those damn elephants aren’t gonna fool me again!”
Thank you, and goodnight.
