I’ve never really liked the iPhone/iPod commericals. They’re always the same – some new bit of music, which, even if I like it, was seemingly chosen based on its ability to get old rrrrreally fast. Couple that with people dancing or something silly, but never anything substantive, and they’re just totally ineffective commercials, to me.
Man, now I’m longing for the commercials where people don’t talk, because these new testimonial-type commercials are the worst!
First, you’ve got the guy from Brooklyn (based on his accent), saying how it was such a pain in the ass before he got his iPhone, when he had to carry his iPod, his camera, his phone, and his other phone that he used for messaging. He had to carry four things! sob The plight of this poor, poor man! Especially when, for some reason, he carried two fucking phones?? What, the phone you used for messaging couldn’t be used for, you know, phone calls? deep breath OK, maybe one was a work phone, and one a play phone. I was in that boat myself. But you’re telling me that this special phone used only for messaging didn’t have a camera built into it? You had to carry a separate camera? deeper breath OK, that’s because the camera in phones are generally not so good. But… isn’t that still fucking true with the iPhone camera??? Plus, to end the commercial, he says something like, “So now I just grab my wallet and my iPhone, hop in my car, and I’m off!” Hold on here, let me do my math… wallet… iPhone… keys for your car… that’s already three things! The second you find out that the iPhone camera sucks whale cock, you’ll be back to four. Your life will be in the shitter again! Man, poor guy.
The second commercial doesn’t bug me as much. It’s a ballerina who has some blog with a goofy name, and she’s going on about how she can take pictures of backstage action (sigh, not THAT kind of backstage action) and update her blog immediately with her iPhone. Why this justifies $600 when you could almost as easily take pictures and then update your blog when you get home eludes me, but maybe she makes millions based on her ability to update her blog instantly. Whatever. But then at the end of the commercial, she says something like, “And the iPhone is the first piece of technology ever that lets me do all of this.” That’s just flat-out, Jobsian, “Nothing was truly invented until it was invented by JOBS” bullshit. What, there weren’t any smartphones before Apple made one? Lying bitch.
But the worst… oh man… it’s the co-pilot. He’s standing there bitching about how his plane was grounded on the tarmac and was going to be there for HOURS. Except… this genius had his iPhone, could check the weather, and could see that the storms had passed. Holy fuck! The plane would have been really late had he not had his iPhone! We’ve GOT to get these cutting-edge devices up to the air traffic controllers, so they can check the weather as quickly as this guy could! I don’t know how the air traffic controllers tell the weather now, but they NEED iPhones!
Bah, a load of horseshit, the lot of them. Trying to convince us that we NEED this overpriced, overhyped toy when, really, it’s at best a small timesaver. Eff you, Jobs, and your faux, scripted and yet somehow shitty testimonials.