Stupid product directions/warnings

In My Humble Opinion
1

I read the back of a packet containing a ‘moist towelette’. I found this:

DIRECTIONS:

  1. Open
  2. Use
  3. Enjoy

I assume #3 is optional, though.

Is it just me, or do people really need to have directions on something like this?

The other thing that really gets to me are product warnings that the normal person would naturally assume would be not a proper use of the product, for example, with my new lawn mower, there was a warning “Do not use to trim hedges”.

Any other Dopers have examples of obvious product directions or warnings, or even better, product warnings that SHOULD be included - like “Not for use as an early pregnancy test” included with a Magic 8 Ball ™???

3

Welcome, Margin Doll - wow, my eyes, my eyes!

I saw this on a can of soup yesterday, in big bold letters: Remove top of can before microwaving. Could someone really be stupid enough to microwave an unopened tin can?

4

just remember folks…for every stupid disclaimer/warning, there has been an incredibly stupid lawsuit.

5

just remember folks…for every stupid disclaimer/warning, there is likely a technical writer who got paid to write it.

6

I never understood nutrition labels on bottled water. Just seemes like a waste of printers ink to me.

7

…and how many hamsters would die if someone included Margin Doll’s link as their sig?

8

I bought some bacon bits that came in one of those bags that looks like plastic-coated metal. It included the warning “do not eat bag”.

9

I once had a can of tomatoes that, on the top of the lid, said “Open with can opener”. I tried to imagine how they thought I might try to open the can had they not included those helpful instructions. I just couldn’t think of anything, though!

10

On the back of a knife there was once written - “Keep out of children”. lmao

11

I’ve seen this twice now on toilet paper dispensers, it says “Tear Here” How did I ever get through 30 years without knowing how to tear my TP?

12

My hairdryer has a tag that says “do not operate in the tub”
Like duh!

13

My all time favorite is the wrappers they used to serve burritos in at Taco Bell.

It included complete, ILLUSTRATED instructions on how to eat a burrito.

Knew a guy who liked to go there when he was stoned and order burritos, in fact, just to read the instructions while he indulged his munchies… giggling like mad…

14

On box containing a 10 gallon aquarium at Wal-Mart “to display, remove from carton”

15

On a microwaveable meal:-

WARNING - this product will be hot after cooking.

Remove plastic cover before serving.

How the heck can I serve without removing the cover - and surely it should be hot?

16

I remember hearing a comedian talk about how on a packet of peanuts it said “Warning: Contains nuts.”

17

On a cylinder of propane: “WARNING: EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE. KEEP AWAY FROM HEAT OR FLAME.”

Duh, we know it’s flammable. It sort of has to be to work fight. And how can I keep it way from flame; it’s for a brazing torch?

18

One of the items I’m currently selling on eBay is a sort of yoyo ball thing; the pack (annotated in finest Engrish) includes the sage advice:

19

I’m sure that they’ve long since tidied up their manuals, but the manual that came with the Honda 350 that I purchased back in the early 70’s contained instructions for many simple repair/maintenance operations. Every such instance involved detailed instructions for taking things apart, followed by the phrase “to reassemble, disassemble in reverse order”.

20

http://www.dumbwarnings.com/ has quite a few.

My favorite? From a “Swedish chainsaw”; “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (Emphasis mine, not that it’s needed) :eek:

I mean, good god…Is that sort of situation really a problem in Sweden?

21

A car windshield shade (to keep the car a little cooler when parked) that said, “Please remove before operating vehicle.” :eek: Then again, some people drive so horribly that you couldn’t tellthe difference. :smiley: