She was cute? I think you should have said “I’m fishing for a date - what are you doing tonight?!”
This happened about a year ago. My boyfriend, his two friends and myself were out swimming one day. On the way back home, we stopped at a corner store for drinks, chips etc. and my boyfreind, well he locked his keys in the car. Not in the ignition. But on the drivers seat.
Boyfriend: I fucking locked they keys in the car
Me: Oh shit
Friend 1: What the hell are we gonna do
Friend 2: Roadside Assistance?
BF: Nah that’ll cost too much
Me: ok, what are we going to do? try a coathanger or something?
BF: No, small screwdriver under the drivers side handle pops the lock
F2: Do you have one?
BF: yeah but its in the friggin boot
F1: Oi man, how do you get into the boot?
BF: Uh, with a KEY! :smack:
I would have said “Diet & excersize.”, but that’s just me 
Actually, there are strict rules and regulations governing the use of animals in movies. I don’t know about stunt doubles, but your mom can rest assured that the horses were fine.
Remember that scene in Shawshank Redemption when Andy fishes a maggot out his oatmeal and gives it to Brooks, and Brooks feeds it to his bird? They couldn’t feed a live maggot to the bird. It had to be a dead one. :rolleyes:
I got a glurge email about keys locked in the car today. It claims (and my father claims to have verified) that with the remote key locks you can call someone with a spare, then have them click the thing over the phone, with the receiving phone near the car door, this should unlock the car. Don’t know if you can get a spare from the dealer if you lock both sets in.
On the same theme, we once locked our keys in the trunk during a day of rafting. We’d left the windows down just a crack, maybe less than one inch. Mrs. Shibb, who likes to watch MacGuivyer back in the day, asked herself, what would McG do? So we took both of the shoelaces out of my shoes and made a little lasso, which we used to lasso the trunk latch. Voila!
Is that a dollar plus tax or is the tax included? But that’s more than a dollar then. It should say a dollar plus tax!
I overheard this in Dollar Tree once. Almost made me drop my Pine*Sol.
“Do these stairs go down?”
It took me a while to figure out what she meant to ask.
When my daughter was around three, she had a favourite stuffed cat, that she, or her brother had named, “Something Else.” Not to pass on a silly joke like that Mrs. Prefect and I loved the name. One night we had my M.I.L. stay over to watch the kids and my daughter went into a crying fit because she was asking for Something Else, and her grandma was getting her the wrong stuffed animal everytime 
Nope.
I was reading this thread to my coworker and “are you fishing for fish” made her think of a story.
We had a book that was going to be late arriving because it was being imported from a very slow publisher. A sign on the shelf said “Will Arrive in 4-6 weeks. Imported from England” to forestall the seven thousand “when’s my book coming” questions.
A customer came up and said “Which England?”
Was telling my friend and his partner one time about how I used to love my grandma’s watermelon pickles.
To which he responded all big-eyed: “Where do you get a jar big enough to put a watermelon in?”
(This was right after the conversation we were having about why he was having such a hard time getting into law school… :rolleyes: )
Wow you guys. I’ve got a dent in my forehead from reading all of these replies! :smack:
To paraphrase a great book title: “Stupidity is alive and well and living on planet Earth!”
A 6th grader looking out the window of my second story classroom before class started:
“What is that school bus doing outside of the school?”
Now Rancid is getting into my territory…
I’ve posted this one before, but it still amazes even me.
I used to tell my students that no question is stupid. This one made me think twice about that:
“If I sign up to take swimming next year, will I have to get in the water?”
I used to have a boss who said that “no question is stupid” thing.
Then one day the receptionist said, “I know this is a dumb question. But are there clams in clam chowder?”
Her next best happened on a day when construction teams had torn the streets up outside our office and our water was turned off. A client asked, as a joke, if we hadn’t paid our water bill. Boss: “No, it’s these clowns who are tearing up the street.”
Receptionist: “Clowns? Oh–I thought it was the construction people.”
In fairness, she realized what she’d said a few seconds later. Although that was possibly because everyone else in the general area was giggling.
Well, I think the worst question I got was when I was explaining to a shipmate that my sister’s college roommate was a bit on the gullible side. I explained that the last time I’d visited my sister, I had my Mini-Maglite in my pants pocket, so as I kept walking into stores the metal detectors would go off with a musical dong. Eventually The Smurf asked what that was… So I explained that since I was a Petty Officer in the Navy I had to carry a pistol with me everywhere, and it was setting off the metal detectors. I’d ended this story saying that The Smurf was so gullible she fell for the line about, “Did you know gullible isn’t in the dictionary?”
To which the guy I was telling this to asked, “You mean it’s not?”
To his credit he realized what he said about a second before I burst into startled laughter.
Back when I was in college, I didn’t have a cellphone until my final year. My hostel had a few telephones, placed in a room marked ‘Telephones’. They were meant exclusively for incoming calls.
I, like most of the students there, had a fixed day and time every month when I’d receive a call from home. Invariably, while sitting in the room waiting for a call, I’d get at least one passer-by asking me, “Waiting for a call, huh?”
Duh!
In my experience, painfully obvious questions (eg. “so you fishing for fish?” “You waiting for a call?”) Aren’t really questions, they’re attempts at striking up a conversation.
But maybe that’s just me.
“The British one.”
11th grade chemistry class: each person had been assigned an element, and on this particular day, we were doing presentations of our research. The person presenting had been assigned potassium, and mentioned the fact that pure potassium reacts explosively when exposed to water. Notoriously Stupid Girl raises her hand, and, without waiting for acknowledgement, yells “What about bananas?” Potassium Guy, after a moment of :dubious:, replies “…bananas have potassium, yes.” NSG drops her jaw in shock and gasps, "So if you stuck a banana underwater, it would explode?!
:smack: Yes. That’s why they grow them in the desert, you know.
Waiting tables has provided me with no end of opportunities to be on the receiving end of idiotic questions. They’re even more fun when you hear them for the three hundredth time. Here are a few I get on a more or less daily basis:
Q: What diet drinks do you have?
A: We only have Diet Coke.
Q: Do you have Diet Dr. Pepper?
(Yes. Diet Dr. Pepper is, in fact, included in the set of “Diet Coke”. It’s a new beverage classification system I’ve developed. Also, using this system, Mountain Dew falls under “Sprite”, which is why when you ask what citrus-flavored drinks we have, and I respond “we only have Sprite”, you are correct in ordering Mt. Dew immediately thereafter. Good to see you’re keeping up on things.)
Q: [picks up bottle of house barbecue sauce; points to words “BARBECUE SAUCE” printed in 1 1/2" script on bottle] Is this barbecue sauce?
(No. We printed those words on there to fool you. It’s actually a mixture of arsenic, caramel color, and vinegar for that tangy deadly goodness.)
Q: [picks up bottle of house barbecue sauce; points to same words] Is this steak sauce?
(Well, that depends. I suppose you could, theoretically, put it on steak, and eat the result. Not my thing, but hey, if you’re one of those folks who’s into barbecued beef, be my guest.)
Q: What side dishes do you have?
A: [points to sides on menu; we have ten, and while I can list them all from memory, it’s easier for both of us if the customer just reads them] They’re listed for you right here. The veggie of the day is green beans.
Q: [reads list: Baked Potato, Sweet Potato, French Fries, Red Bliss Potatoes, Onion Straws, Cole Slaw, Buttom Mushrooms, Roast Corn, Applesauce, Veggie of the Day] I’ll have mashed potatoes.
(No you won’t.)
Aaaah, I love people. (No I don’t.) Thanks for a reminder of how glad I am that, as of yesterday, I no longer work there. Basic Military Training is going to suck, sure, but at least I’ve been conditioned to getting yelled at for no reason.
Okay, voice of experience here. You may find that Basic Military Training is even relaxing compared to your civvie experience. I did.
Of course I was coming from a year’s experience answering phones for a small (150 bed) Hospital. I found boot camp to be, mentally at least, relaxing. I was more at peace in boot camp than I’d been for at least 9 months prior.