This may be what the girl wants to hear, but c’mon. No way could a guy who can’t read signals get this spiel out. I know… I’m one of 'em.
I would go for something less dramatic and romantic-comedy-like. Next time she calls you inviting you to a movie or whatever, just say “well, that depends. Are we going as friends or is this a date?” If she asks why you want to know, tell her its so you’ll know how to dress. Eventually she’ll give you an answer.
Reading her response, you’ll be able to guess what she’s thinking, I reckon. And if its going as friends, both she and you can easily brush it off as a joke. Much less stress for everyone concerned.
So you’re saying you don’t know if you want to date her? I’m confused.
It’s worked for me. I’ve found it’s always best not to complicate things, just get right down to it.
Prepare yourself for the fact that you might not get an answer you want. But understand that no amount of beating around the bush, preparing or rephrasing is going to change the answer she’s eventually going to give you. You can ask ambiguous questions and get ambiguous answers and keep wondering what it all means for another week or month or year, or you can just ask directly now and get it over with. Call her up and set this up for tonight - If she’s into you, you will be in heavy makeout mode within eight hours of reading this. Won’t that be nice? If she isn’t into you, better to know now and not waste time, eh?
Just ask. You’re not afraid to ask us, and we’re a bunch of strangers. Why should you be afraid to ask her?
If there’s not been any kissing/hand holding/etc., and she’s dating other guys, I’m going to go out on a limb and say she’s not into you as a boyfriend or relationship other than a friendship.
If there’s signals she’s throwing out that say otherwise to you, throw them out and people better at deciphering signals can tell you what they mean.
However, if you’re still unsure, then you have no choice but ask her and prepare for the worst possible outcome. The worst possible outcome in this case, I believe, will be an awkward conversation where neither of you knows what to say. This will be followed by a couple weeks of avoidance and uncomfortable situations. After a month or so, it will all be forgotten and there will be no issues. That’s WORST case scenario.
You don’t have a lot to lose by asking. I’m just wondering if asking is even necessary.
If you’re going on dates but there hasn’t been any significant physical contact, I’d guess she’s either waiting for you to make a move, or you’re actually just hanging out as friends. If the outings have been acknowledged to be dates by her, I’d guess it’s probably the former. If you’re just going out to dinner together occasionally, it’s probably the latter. It’s hard to guess the situation based only on what you’ve written.
In general, the line between dating (both casually and exclusively) and platonic friendship is physical affection. If you want to date this woman, you have to make a move. You can ask her first, if you want, but be warned that if she’s on the fence, being bold and confident enough to simply assert your desire to (e.g.) kiss her by kissing her may be the deciding factor.
OK, Giant Turtle, I’m confused too. I get the feeling you don’t care one way or the other, you just want the 2 of you to be on the same page. If you really don’t care, why bother?
I like Leviosaurus’ comment about asking her the same way you asked in the OP. First and foremost, you have to be you, not some romantic movie hero (not that I’m dissin ya). What relationship was Larry on Three’s Company every going to get when he always lied to the girl?
What I think you’re saying about wanting clarity is simply that - you have relationship X and it is complete. What you want to know is if she want’s relationship X+L. If she does, great. If not, then nothing is lost because you haven’t moved into relationship X+L. The big fear is that asking makes things awkward and you end up with X/2. Does that fit?
As a guy who has dated four women (and is married to the last and has three kids), I know how hard it is to ask. I don’t want to put on pressure for More-Relationship because just that single step creates more-relationship and a “no” answer means a loss. When I was dumped it took 1) months, 2) days, 3) 30 minutes, to get over it. However, it’s got to be done, because asking the question of yourself has already created more-relationship with her than before. You are in no-mans-land. The only direction is more-relationship or less-relationship at this point. Only over time can less-relationship return to the relationship you had before (checks OP time-stamp) today.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have that power of Supermans’ where he kisses the girl and makes her forget? Why Lois didn’t deck him when he restored her memory is another question.
It’s easier to ask us precisely because we’re a bunch of strangers! And because the question is, “What should I say,” as opposed to “Do you like me as much as I like you?”
Anyway, I read all of these “friends or dates” threads with interest, since I’m in the same situation. The moment of truth for me will come on 9/7, when I next see my “friend” and attempt to upgrade. If only I could redeem all my Frequent Loser coupons for an upgrade.
