It’ll be in the last place you look, cause it’d be stupid to keep looking for something you’ve found.
Fools rush in when Angels fail to bunt.
Time and tide wait for the moon to be in the right place.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his trousers.
Time flies like a banana.
Let them eat cake, but hide the ice cream so we don’t have to share.
It’s a wise child that knows the results of the paternity test.
You can’t straighten a snake by pulling it through a straw.
No one ever expects the Spanish Influenza!
It’s pretty much impossible to get a camel through a needle’s eye, so let’s forget about it, hmm?
Behind every great man is a nagging mother in law.
If at first you don’t succeed, circumvent.
No great plan survives first contact with accounting.
That which does not kill us, missed.
I Came, I Saw, I Reconsidered
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. - Milton Friedman
Bacon isn’t everything, its the only thing!
Life is like a box of chocolates, its overpriced for what you get
The truth will set you free, unless the truth is you really did committed that murder, then its gonna land your butt in prision.
“A watched boil never pops.” - one of the Usual Gang of Idiots in MAD.
Ask a stupid question, you’ll get patronized senseless.
If you got 'em,…show 'em to me!
Never do anything on Friday that can be done next week by someone else.
People who live in glass houses… change clothes in basement!
Tomorrow is the last day of the first part of your life.
9 out of 10 dentists prefer CBS.
If you build a better mouse trap opportunity will beat a dead horse just once at your door.
Edit: I suppose this implies opportunity is a mouse.
If at first you don’t succeed, it’s a very gray area as to the number of additional tries you get before someone decides you’ve met the definition for insanity.
4 out of 5 dentists prefer the ones that sob quietly.
- The road to imperialism is paved with good intentions.
-All your bases belongs to the government after taxes.