Can’t live with them, can’t shoot them.
A word to the wise is unnecessary.
A watched pot will boil. But it seems longer if you watch.
In numbers there is quantity.
Many hands make lighthouses.
The rich are different from the rest of us … they have more money. (Stole this one from George Bernard Shaw).
God never gives you more than you can handle, which is why no one ever has a nervous breakdown or commits suicide.
Fool me once, shame on…shame on you. Fool me…you can’t get fooled again.
Life is just a bowl of cherry bombs.
If life gives you lemons, it better also give you water and sugar or that’ll be some shitty lemonade.
The dog that bites you may have its reasons.
Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like Cleveland.
Or as Tommy Smothers put it on a live network broadcast (before CBS famously cancelled their show)…
“A loaf of bread, beneath the bough, a jug of wine, and a piece of Thou.”
Some of my favorites:
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If at first you don’t succeed, get a bigger hammer.
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When all else fails, do it right.
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Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
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If it ain’t broke, fix it ‘til it is.
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The truth shall set you free, but it might make you miserable at first.
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Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make unhappiness a lot more pleasant.
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If there was a God, it would be necessary to circumvent him. (Edward Abbey)
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Time wounds all heels. (Groucho Marx, I think)
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Believing is Seeing.
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He who laughs, lasts.
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Don’t believe everything you think.
And a personal classic, uttered in 1965 by my high school history teacher:
“I cried because I didn’t have shoes, but then I saw a guy walking down the street without any legs.”
A penny saved isn’t worth the trouble to pick it up.
No mayonnaise in Ireland.
Erin Go Baaah!
Ghoti out of water.
To be or not to be: that’s not a question. It’s not even a sentence.
A picture is worth $.09 at Walgreens.
Hang in there, monkey.
(babies shouldn’t be hanging from things)