A little background first, I am living with my ex-girlfriend (as a roommate after a recent breakup) We’ve been living together for over 3 years and just recently moved to Vegas before the breakup.
She gets homesick and invites her nieces and nephews (4 y.o. boy, 4 y.o. girl, 5 y.o. girl and 7 y.o. boy) out for vacation. Not for a few days, no. Not for a week, no. Not for 2 weeks, no. for 2 months!! OK, that’s not too bad I tell myself, I can do this. No problem. Besides, I tell myself, they love me! They call me Uncle B_Line!
I think that’s just to butter me up and make me let down my guard.
For the first couple of days they were very good and sweet. Then they began to claim boredom. Apparently boredom turns kids into spawns of satan. I’m sure that is documented somewhere. It started off as simple rowdiness. Arguments over the playstation escalated to shoving and screaming with LOTS of crying. I’m thinking of buying them each their own playstation. “We don’t have anything to play with” they cry, as I look to the corner of the living room that now houses a 3 foot high pile of toys and to the back patio with the huge rubbermaid bin full of toys (next to the 8 foot kid pool).
The youngest boy has conquered his boredom. Apparently he takes great pride in throwing those very same toys over the 6ft concrete block back wall into the neighbors yard. 4 times I’ve had to drive to the neighbors house, though its a mere feet away I have to drive clear out of our neighborhood and into his neighborhood to get to his front door, to retrieve a toy that is now being cried for. The last time, Tim (were on a first name basis now) gave me his phone number and informed me that 2 or 3 times a day he goes out and throws toys back over the wall. I hope his patience lasts.
Somehow they got gum. I don’t know HOW they got gum, but get gum they got! Evidently they chewed a bag or two of bubblegum just till it was soft then spit it on the back patio. Bubblegum literally covered the back patio in the full mid-day summer vegas heat. It melted to a nice even consistency and filled in all the pores in the concrete quite nicely. Did I mention we have 3 dogs? Well we do. Did you ever try to get gum out of 3 dogs hair? I wouldn’t take it up as a hobby if I were you. The littlest girl still picks little pieces of gum out of the concrete and chews it. She wont stop, I think old chewed melted gum must be more addicting then crack. I once caught her pulling strings of melted gum out of one of those large stone outdoor ashtrays and eating it. It must have been months old, it was black with ashes, but damn tasty I guess. Her nose never stops running either. She doesn’t mind though, she just licks it clean.
I don’t watch TV anymore. Well, I do but its only Nickelodeon and its on 24 hours a day. The days are over when I could come home from a hard day of posting to the SDMB …errr… I mean work, and plop down on the couch with a nice cold beer and watch simpsons reruns. No. Now my evenings are spent being a referee in some bizarre professional childrens wrestling/crying association. These kids own all the belts and titles.
The oldest boy decided it would be fun to take a horseshoe stake (from their game of horseshoes) and beat one of the posts that hold the patio roof up. I can only assume he was pretending to cut down a tree, but really I think he just wanted to watch the wood and paint chips fly. It now has a sizable chunk out of it.
Saturday I went to the store and when I came back I saw through the gate that the kids were chasing the smallest dog. Remember its over 100 degrees here. From the looks on the dogs face they must have been doing it for hours, she looked so tired. The little pup would run and get ahead about 20 feet them collapse and pant, only to have to run again when they caught up. I went to put a stop to it when suddenly I saw what happened when they DID catch her. They beat her! Hitting her on her hind quarters repeatedly until she could get free of their grasps and run yet again. They got into HUGE trouble for that. They are evil.
I came home from work last week and before my second foot could get in the door I was informed that the littlest girl had lice. Oh, dear god. The whole house had to be vacuumed. Beds, the couch, living room chair, everything. We sprayed everything that couldn’t be run through the hot washer and dryer. Washed load after load of everything fabric. If it were up to me we would have burned it all in the yard. The shampoo treatment was fun. “Here, put this stuff that smells like gasoline on your head and leave it for awhile” “what is it?” “its poison.” “oh, ok.” Thankfully now I think we are lice free. There have been no more reported sightings.
Yesterday morning I was asleep in my room. Roommate was asleep in her room. Kids were up watching cartoons. I thought. There began quite a ruckus and they were getting loud and noisy. I get up and go out in my robe to see what the problem is. The oldest boy then tells me that the youngest boy (the toy thrower) called 911. ARRRGHH! I go get the ex up and inform her of this, all the while getting dressed for the police. I sit there thinking “maybe he didn’t really call them” “maybe he was just dialing numbers randomly” Soon after a policeman knocks on my door. I go out to greet him and he says “do you have kids?” I explained the kid situation and say knowingly “did one call 911?” He looks me in the eye and says, “7 times.” the policeman tells me that the child told the dispatcher that his aunt wouldn’t or couldn’t get up. I asked him if he wanted to come in and check things out. He politely declined.
Guess how long the kids have been here.
One solitary week.
Only 7 more to go.