B-LINE, these are not your kids. Therefore, you’d better not be hitting/spanking them. Sure, it sounds like a good idea, until your ex/their parents file charges against you for assault. I have no good advice, but I think the advice to smack them is very bad advice. Tempting, but bad.
No advice to you, B_Line12, because they are not your kids. Just a comment on the general situation.
Hello! Parents of these kids! Have you ever heard of discipline? The word NO? Boundaries and Limits?
Geeze, once your kids realize that you are afraid of them, you’ve had it. (“Oh, my little darlings might not like me anymore if I tell them no.” or “I’ll just appeal to their reason, then they can decide for themselves what is best for them.”–yeah, right, like a 6-year-old should be trusted to make reasonable and altruistic decisions).
I’ll stop now, because I am really feeling the need to give “permissive parenting” both barrels.
Buy plane tickets (spare no cost) and spend them packing to their respective homes. Four and five year olds should NOT be staying with relatives for an extended period of time.
If you aren’t willing to do that, then take your dogs and get the heck out. YOU are not responsible for the actions of your ex and her nieces/nephews. SHE invited them to stay and she should be the one that is responsible for them. It is not your duty to take care of someone’s children. I’d send them home!
I’ve just spent 24 hours with my two eldest nephews (ages 6 and 10) both of whom are well-behaved but energetic. And I was exhausted! I can’t imagin what you’re going through.
Some thoughts as I read this…
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Where the hell is your ex while the munchkins from hell are causing havoc?
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Whose bright idea was it to have THAT many children for THAT long? Like I said, I had my youngins for only 24 hours. A whole weekend away from the parents would be the limit for kids that young (and younger).
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IMMEDIATELY reduce the time these kids are to be with you. At the very least, slice the “vacation” from two months to one. I wouldn’t boot them out of the house with only a day or two’s notice as this would be hard on the parents who presumably have jobs. Give them pleanty of notice when the mini-monsters are coming home so they may brace themselves and find alternative babysitters.
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TELL your ex that the two of you WILL set some ground rules as to what behavior is and is not acceptable and what the punishments are for the unacceptable. Then you BOTH present these rules to the devil-imps with no wavering whatsoever. If the two of you do not present a united front, the kids will “divide and conquer” to get their way. If either of you - especially the aunt - waver at all on the punishment, regardless of it being “time out,” spanking or no dinner, the kids will see a big “WELCOME” across your chest and proceed to walk all over you.
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Talk to the parents about financialy helping you through the lice incident (I’m sure the shampoo and all of that laundry wasn’t cheap), repairs to your porch and trips to the vet for your poor dogs (won’t be surprised if the smallest one is injured). If these parents have HALF a brain, they will ask for their little rugrats back rather then pay for damages to someone else’s house.
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Lastly and most importently, if you chat with your ex about all of the above and she’s too dizzy to see how fucked-up your current situation is, download copies of this thread for her AND the parents of the mini-monsters so they CAN get a clue. With a dozen or so strangers telling you how very wrong this “vacation” is, maybe they’ll come to their sences.
Be Brave,
Patty
I have an extra room and only one child. If you can play ball, you are welcome anytime 
Something tells me that there’s a reason why the parents of these little rodents agreed to let them go for two months.
They’re moving. They’re packing their stuff and moving. Probably to someplace like Tibet.
Hell, that’s exactly what I’d do if I found some sucker to take care of four obnoxious little beasts such as those, for two freaking months. I feel weird when my daughter spends the night at my dad’s house, because she’s three, and she’s exceptionally good at being three.
One more suggestion: If you ever speak to the kids’ parents again, tell them the truth. Tell them that their kids totally suck. Don’t you DARE let those children lie on you, either. The kids will no doubt circle the wagons, but stand your ground. And don’t you let your ex try & gloss it over, either.
Best of luck to you, B Line!
I bet your ex-girlfriend is laughing her ass off. I’m sure this is pay-back for some long ago bullshit she still blames you for. She is the bitch, not the kids. Kick her out, the kids will go with her.
Look on the back of the necks of their shirts. There should be a tag that says something like MADE IN HONG KONG/CHINA/GUATEMALA.
Insert each child into overseas package marked for the appropriate country.
Bring to local post office.
Send.
B_Line12, that is one funny-assed post. I’m practically crying. Too bad it’s true.
I do feel sorry for you, but mostly for your poor dog. Obviously their parents haven’t taught them respect for animals. Your pooch’ll probably have a phobia of kids from now on.
(You still live with your ex? shrug)
Really, though. If your ex doesn’t see their evilness nor won’t send them home, pack up, take the dog, and move. If she’s ignorant enough to invite them for 2 months (!), let her handle the “angels”.
Let me first state that I am a mother. So you know I don’t hate kids; I find that most kids, like most people, are okay folks.
However, the best advice I can give you is to put the little hellions on the next flight home and find yourself a new roommate. Preferably one with a clue.
If that really isn’t going to work, then I recommend a personality change. The kids apparently see you as cool old Uncle B_Line, doormat. Time to become the Crotchety Old Man From Hell, a.k.a. Mister These Are The Rules In This House And You Will Live By Them. Heree’s some mean old mom advice for you to take or leave:
I don’t think hitting kids is a good idea, but I believe I would make an exception if I ever caught one of my boys torturing an animal like that.
The Playstation and the TV are not your friends. They are very subtle enemies. They help get the kids wound up and prevent them from learning to entertain themselves. Lock 'em up for now. When the kids show that they can be civilized, let them have access to them for limited periods of time. Use a kitchen timer to prevent fighting.
Tim is an ally. Arrange a time when he will throw the toys back over the fence for you. Make sure you are home. Put the returned toys away for a given period of time, say two days, where the kids can’t get to them. (Of course, WARN the kids that you are going to do this before it takes effect.) The older kids will almost certainly gang up on the youngest boy. Your job is to prevent injury.
Answer complaints of “I’m BOOOOORRRRED” or “There’s nothing to dooooooooooo” with chores. Feign enthusiasm. “Hey, here’s a great idea, then. Let’s clean up the kitchen together!” And follow through. Even the four year olds are old enough to do simple chores under supervision. Don’t pick something fun, like washing the car, the first few times. It would also be a good idea to give them regular chores; the four year olds can set the table for meals, for instance. And all the kids can clean up the toys at the end of the day.
Plan some outings together. A change of scenery can work wonders. But let them know ahead of time what behavior is expected, and how many violations will be tolerated. I’d make the number high enough that each kid gets at least one chance to test your resolve. When they break a rule, tell them immediately: “You ran away from the group. That’s one.” “You two started fighting. That’s two.” When you get to the limit, head home to something really boring.
Though it sounds like this is going to be hard, try to catch them being good, too. Praise them for doing things you want them to do, like playing together without drawing blood.
This is going to make your life hell for a while, but if you stick with it I do believe it will make things a lot better. At least they know there’s no point in jerking you around.
Good luck.
You’re living with you’re ex? Huh?
Let me guess. The break-up was your idea.
You are being punished. Get out. Save yourself. It will only get worse.
Sweet innocent me, this hadn’t even occured to me, but y’know, Uncle B…I think it’s quite a valid possibility. C’mon – no one is so homesick that they want their sibling’s four year olds around for two months.
Stompy
You poor schmuck. I feel for you, I really do. I hope in the next 30 or 40 years I NEVER, EVER have to deal with this crap. I can deal with kids tattooing and piercing themselves, but this behaviour is intolerable!
Smack them…smack your ex. She’s grinding her axe on your back right now, and when it’s good and sharp, it’ll snap down on your neck. Mark my words.
She needs to send them away, or you need to leave. In fact, I’d say that she’s actually telling you to leave…
Also, be careful what you say or do around the kids. I don’t know you, or your ex for that matter, but I’ve heard some crazy concocted stories that’ve come out of kids mouths when coached by a bitter ex-lover(I.E.- “Unca B_Line touched me down there…”).
I’m not judging anyone, I’m just suggesting you be careful in this situation–something don’t smell right here.
-Sam
Advice?
a) send them to Wally’s place
b) run far, far away. It’s nice down here in Australia. We’ve got a guest room (no I won’t take the kids though)
More serious advice?
Chat to your ex. This simply isn’t acceptable or fair. She agreed (without your consent I should add) therefore she has quite a bit of responsibility to accept. How old is she if that’s not too rude a question?
My heart goes out to you.
[Scotty] We’re going DOWN, Captain! Abandon Ship! Abandon Ship![/Scotty]
Dude, they see that you’re a doormat. If you can’t sell them to the gypsies, ask them if they enjoy staying with their aunt. If they say yes, tell them that if then intend to stay here any longer, they had better follow the rules. And write a list of rules you can point to. (I assume only the 7 year old can really read. Just pointing at a list and saying “That’s on the “Don’t Do” rule list!” would suffice. Could be a shopping list.) They need to know what is acceptable behavior for your house, and what the consequences are for unacceptable behavior.
Get them to clean up the patio. Little fingers can scrub like you wouldn’t believe. Inform the gum eater that if she eats the gum she might get sick, and ask her if she enjoys being sick.
As far as the “I’m boooored” problem, I really like the chores idea. However, that requires you to constantly devise chores for the devil spawns to do. Instead, take them to the library and read “The Magic Rock.” The concept is that whenever this kid is bored, he rubs his magic rock, and it gives him an idea of something fun to do. Then get them all magic rocks. (small. Pebble sized.) Worked WONDERS on me when I was a kid. I’d whine that I was bored, my father would tell me to consult the magic rock, I’d be coloring within a 1/2 hour.
Inform your roommate that if she doesn’t get a better hold on these children, they are going home. This is your home, too. You are NOT dating her anymore, you do NOT have an obligation to father these kids.
Good luck, man.
One word…Dimetap…a very large bottle.
Need2know
Flodnak had some of the best advice here. Like it or not B_, you are child-led. It’s ok to be child-led once in a while, but overall: * You want them to be adult-led.* Be the alpha wolf and take charge. Dimetapp can help 
Better parenting by proxy by pharmacology.
What I really want to know is WHY the parents have left these children in the care of someone else for so long?
Crisis? Death in the family? Moving? Recovering from surgery? Mom’s had another baby?
Where is your ex during this entire fiasco?
Somethings rotten in Denmark and it aint the cheese.
You have two options.
If your Ex fails to recognize there is a problem, or encourages the creatures, you must abandon them. Take your things, and your poor dogs, and leave. Find a new place to live. Even if the house is yours, leave; your Ex would put on a show of looking for a new place, but would remain indeffinatly (I know, my Brother did this). The house is a small price to pay for your soul.
If your Ex agrees with you, begin a champaign of pyschological warfare:
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Punishment for all offenses becomes standing in a corner: Children crave sensations, deny them this, and they will begin to behave.
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Tell your Neighbor to put all the toys thrown over the fence in a box and keep it until the Children leave. Inform him that you will take the blame for anything he loses.
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Tell them stories. Keep them up late with a story about a monster that eats bad little children (throw in examples of things they’ve done.) That night, wake them up with a tapping at the window: if you have a monster glove wear it and let them see the hand (you must be certain they never see the glove anywhere else).
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Cruelty to the dogs must be dealt with more severly than anything else: if they hurt the dogs put all the toys and televisioons away, and have them stand in corners for as long you can make them. While punishing the kids, show the dogs some affection. If this fails you must take the dogs to a kennel until the children leave, vist the dogs everyday and insure they do not feel punished.
Let me know if this helped.
SouthernStyle - I decided to go with a hamster for my own sacrifice last night. I’ll be glad to toss on another for you. Or have you got a preference? Gerbil maybe? Or how about a chicken?
By the way, margaritas are served immediately following.