Totally. Direct from the Office of the Department of Redundancy Department Office. A non-complete list of examples of this:
Sophie, whose fool I would have already been because she is so achingly beautiful, made it so much worse because she not only recognized me from my lame-ass board name, she had the grace to say really nice stuff about the quality of my posts. Then on Saturday, she allowed me to massage her neck and shoulders, after which I needed a cigarette. Fortunately, plenty of second-hand ones were available that night.
Persephone, about whom I cannot possibly say enough good things. She reinforces every natural-redhead fantasy. She gave me a place to not sleep. She has plugged me not once but twice on these threads (BTW, it’s not “ugly loser,” it’s “dating-challenged”). She looks great in everything. She is causing me to undergo a religious conversion, because I have to start believing in an afterlife that sufficiently rewards what a terrific person she is.
Tattva, who endured my company nearly all day Saturday as we walked the length and breadth of downtown Chicago, following the April Fools directions from that jerk at the hotel. Tattva, who single-handedly helped me to be twice as comfortable Saturday night as I was on Friday. Tattva, who got more tit in 5 minutes than I’ve had in my whole life.
CrankyAsAnOldMan, who gives great hugs and always makes me feel cooler and smarter than I really am. I really should have gone to the Art Museum and learned from you, but then I wouldn’t have had Adventures With Tattva. Cranky’s Bitch is still the leading suggestion for a replacement for my crappy screen name.
Jane D’Oh, who was so good about setting up the hotel rooms and getting everybody well-liquored on Friday afternoon. Thanks for bailing me out when I was feeling uncomfortable at The Wild Goose and getting me plastered at the Embassy bar.
Chique, who gives great shoulder rubs and lets you pronounce her name any damn way you want to. I’m glad your team won.
Pucette, who is a combination of beauty, brains, and sweetness that I thought was pretty rare until this weekend.
tiggeril, who is just too cute for words. Become 21 already, so I can legally lust after you!
Kyla, who is over 21 and thus a perfectly legal object for lusting. But only in the most respectful way, of course, Quix!
anya marie, for making me feel that someone was more nervous about meeting all those people than I was. Do you know how nice you are?
porcupine and jarbabyj, who are both so pretty and cool I was intimidated and had to admire them from afar. Next time I’ll try to get the guts to actually talk to them.
Gaudere. Words just fail. Oh, my.
And on and on. None of this is meant to imply that Doper men don’t deserve praise. I’ll never be as cool as Magelin, for example, but I’d settle for having a shirt like the one he wore Saturday. typo_mna is a dadgum decent guy, and cannot be blamed for losing his vehicle. iampunha makes me jealous because all the chicks dig him and not me. CRorex does this great trick where he actually removes his liver and wrings the rum from it. Dynosaur, you may want to check this out before your next shot at The Ten. I also have to mention Superdude just because he’s an attention whore, and because he was a great roomie. Oh, and when I grow up, I wanna be just like Euty. And look like manhattan.
That’s enough for now: I have to go out and by a kilt.
