Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
How do you know when you’re REALLY ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
What is the quickest way to clear out a men’s restroom?
Say, “Nice dick.”
How do you know you’re leading a sad life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, “Let’s just be friends.”
Why don’t bunnies make noise when they make love?
Because they have cotton balls.
Mom’s have Mother’s Day, Father’s have Father’s Day.
What do single guys have? Palm Sunday
What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine
What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was
Are you sure it’s mine?"
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at halfmast? They’re hiring.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
What do you call an Alabama rancher with a sheep under each arm?
Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say f*ck?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!
What’s the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairy tale begins, “Once upon a time…” while a southern fairy tale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this