Yup. The real solution is to immediately irradiate his testicles and render him sterile.
He’s incredibly selfish and she’s very stupid. Tell them that they will be tied together for the rest of their lives…and ask him if that’s what he really wants. Second, once he grows up and meets his real soulmate, she may do a :dubious: once he realizes he’s already got a kid from a casual out of wedlock relationship.
Tell him he’s also messing with the life of another human being…the baby. Babies have a right to have a stable, intact family to grow and flourish, and having a Mom who works at K-mart and a Dad who lives in a car ain’t it.
Tell him to be a man, keep it zipped, and get a clue.
Oh, I was going to also suggest: get them both together and watch some birthing videos. $10 says he wont even be getting a blow job for a long, long while.
I’d hold him down and pour acid down his pants.
“Have you seen his penis?”
“I think it’s badly scarred…from a motorcycle accident…”
-Crash, 1996
I don’t know what her story is, but I know his: he (accidentally) got a girl pregnant a while back, she had an abortion and didn’t tell him for some time (allowing him to continue to talk to her empty belly, etc). I get the distinct feeling that he’s somehow trying to compensate for his loss this way.
Her, I think she’s just stupid. Really.
I came up with what I think is a pretty good idea: call and talk to a guidance counselor at her school about it. Hopefully, they’ll know how to handle the situation better than I do. If I don’t find that to be helpful, I’ll have to give more thought to just going to her parents.
Rationality is not going to appeal to him; you have to apply peer pressure.
Make him feel like an idiot.
You say to him, “Dude (do people still say ‘dude’?), you’re supposed to stay away from women like that.” You have to say it in the guy-tone.
The guy-tone is just slightly lower in pitcher than your normal voice, just slightly slower than your normal cadence, and very slightly suggestive of “are you a fucking fool that I have to tell you this?”
If you can’t find the voice, go ask an inner-city minister, high-school sports coach, or a sober man over forty-five in a bar between 3:30 and 7:00 p.m. (They will be happy to help.)
Quick bump to see what everyone’s opinion on going to a guidance counselor at her school is…
IMO, a waste time, unless there is already some type of relationship established. A counselor would be considered just another authority figure spouting what “The Man” says.
However, when you only have straws to grasp at, what’s there to lose? Since she’s already made the stupidest possible decision, I can’t see how it would make things worse.
I’m mostly hoping that they would be able to decide whether it’s best to go to her parents, and get in contact with them to discuss it FOR me, as I’m not really not sure how to go about it tactfully.
In the meantime, I had another conversation with…we’ll call him Jeremy, because that’s his name, and he seems to realize that this is a completely horrible idea, but wants to go through with it anyway.
For the record, he admitted that he’s mostly trying to make up for past trauma (see previous post). I suggested that maybe seeing a therapist would be a better idea than ruining three lives, but he more or less just shrugged.
Show him this thread.
This is a great ad. And it may be a French ad, but the message is universal. Use condoms, damnit.
As a family/divorce lawyer, I’d suggest:
- Get child protection services involved to counsel the kids before he gets her pregnant (if they do that sort of thing in your jurisdiction);
- Sit the young man down with a family lawyer who can explain what the ramifications of child and spousal support will be should the relationship fail;
- Get child protection services to get them into parenting classes should he get her pregnant.
That, or kick him in the nuts so damn hard that he becomes physically unable to procreate.
I have had this conversation an unfortunate number of times, while working at Planned Parenthood. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen year old girls would come in for a pregnancy test because they were trying for a pregnancy, or not preventing it, which more or less amounts to the same thing.
Trust me, there is nothing you can say to change her mind. His, maybe, but not likely hers. Anything you say about the finances, the physical difficulty, how unfair it is to bring a child into that situation… all it comes down to for them is “it’ll work out” and “all these other people manage, I’ll be a good mom” or even (I kid you not) “my mom will take care of it”. Someone who’s actively seeking pregnancy at that age is way beyond being convinced by logic. We all hear “teenage pregnancy” and react with horror or fury, but she hears “pregnancy” and imagines the cutesy little person who’s always going to be there to love her no matter what, or imagines that being a single teenage parent is a ticket to a government-supported life. She will not hear what you’re saying.
Good luck, I sincerely hope–for everyone’s sake–you succeed with him, but I wouldn’t hold out too much hope.
ETA: I do like Muffin’s suggestions, if you’re in a position to arrange this kind of thing.
When I was in junior high, there was a poster in the nurse’s office that showed a sad-looking teen girl holding a baby. The caption read, “It’s like being grounded for 18 years.” I’m 31 and married and I STILL don’t have kids. Thanks, nurse’s office poster!
I say call her parents and kick your friend in the junk. Oh, and remind him about how he’ll be giving a chunk of all his paychecks to this girl for the next 18 years, even if she decides she doesn’t want to date him anymore and wants to have other babies with several other guys. Hell, even if she’s the next Mrs. Donald Trump, he’s going to owe child support every month until 2026. Maybe you should mention that year to him – force him to think longterm.
My mom’s parents got married – and divorced – in high school. They had my mom in 1957, when my grandmother was 16. Grandma and Grandpa have been divorced for nearly 50 years and they STILL have to see each other at family events now and then because they have a daughter and four grandkids in common. Ask your friend whether he wants to be making polite conversation with this chick in 2057, years after they discovered they couldn’t stand each other, because they got pregnant on a whim right now.
Send him this (average costs of raising a child) and as many pics and videos of women giving birth as you can find, the more placenta and ripped perineums the better. But the girl is probably thinks the baby will be the perfect accessory and grow up to be her best friend! They’ll be just like the Jolie-Pitts! Yay!
Logical reasoning about why this is a terrible idea isn’t going to work with a teenager who is thinking as immaturely as these two are.
Your best hope is just to get her parents involved, and fast. Teen girls are very fertile, so you have to act fast and hope it’s not too late.
Damn you, Gilmore Girls!
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned is getting him to talk about his pain from what happened with the other girl/baby. Don’t deny or minimize his pain, but encourage him to talk to you and a counselor. I agree he needs to be wholeheartedly convinced not to take this stupid action, but his sense of loss seems to be doing a lot to mess with his logic sensors. Maybe Planned Parenthood would be able to provide counseling on this or an appropriate referral.
A good friend had a birth control failure and then miscarried. I saw it as an absolute blessing and a revocation of the ruination of her life. But she told me that her immediate reaction was to want to get pregnant again as soon as possible. In her case I am almost positive it was a biological/ hormonal thing as much as anything. We are hardwired to have some responses to parenthood, so he might be having some reaction that requires professional help.
Its not just a case that its your friends and his female friends business,its going to be the kid that suffers and with parents like that the kids are liable to grow up and make other people suffer.
Your friends are arrogant,supremly selfish ,stupid and immature.
Sorry for the rant but this kind of thing happens all too often nowdays.
I’ll bet that five minutes after the birth they’ll both be complaining that they never expected this,that or the other to happen,what hard work it is being the parents of an infant and expect everyone else to run around after them doing favours and donating money.
Poor kid,god help it.
Don’t have sex when she’s on her period.
Oh, you meant…
Never mind.