As recently as earlier this year, you could see who emailed you, but not the contents of the letter, if you were not a paid member. That’s no longer the case. The being able to wink for free made more sense then.
Let’s say that twickster wasn’t a paid member and winked at me. If I was a paid member, I could email her if I liked her and then she could pay to read my mail. If for some crazy reason I didn’t like her, I would ignore the wink and she could save her money.
I had someone wink at me once who wasn’t a paid member and she cleverly hid her email address in her profile. I was able to email her directly and she never had to pay match. I guess enough people pulled crap like that so that they toughened up the rules but didn’t bother to change the wink routine.
It kind of sucks because I would pay to email someone who I really liked but a lot of the unsolicited email that men get is from scams. I would hate to pay up only to find out that I got an email from Ukraine or Nigeria. If I could see who emailed me, I would know if the profile is a fake.
Okay, so based on that explanation I’m going to take a wild guess at what happened…
She’s a non-paying member and I stumbled across her profile and emailed her. She got a notification from Match saying “a member” emailed her, but didn’t say who. So while she was browsing, she figured she’d wink at me.
Now, since I already emailed her, I’m not allowed to wink back. So, as a non-paying member, she won’t know I tried to contact her before. And me, as a paying member, can’t do anything to let her know I’m interested. Is this the long and short of it?
Oh yeah. And make sure the girl is of age when you show up for the date. You don’t want Chris Hanson and his camera crew to jump out of the closet on you.
I don’t know the ratio that I got, but I had quite a few replies so that I wasn’t discouraged. I guess my advice is don’t be an ass. Any jokes should be subdued and non-offensive initially. Also, make sure you are truthful in your profile. The point of online dating is to meet people who you think would be interesting to you. Separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. And for heavens sake don’t do anything that makes you look desperate! It is the kiss of death! (No pressure there, hehe)
My wife (well obviously she wasn’t my wife then!!), on the other hand, had quite a few emails from people who were using the shotgun method. Why not just go down to the bar instead? She was getting mail from guys who, it seemed, hadn’t even read her profile. Eg. “No bearded mountain man types” So, who does she get an email from? A bearded mountain man type. Oddly enough, by chance the guy in question ended up working out here in Yemen. I got along great with him. I didn’t find out until just before he had finished his time here that he was the guy who had tried to date my wife. What are the odds?
I tried Lavalife and had a lot of fun. Mind you, I’m female, which helps. I’m also in my 20’s, caucasian and childless, which I’ve been told makes a difference.
Bear in mind as well that the time of year also counts; the closer you get to Christmas and Valentine’s Day, the more “smiles” you’ll get.
I really don’t understand the stigma people seem to attach to online-dating. Especially now that one in every six or so relationships forms over the Internet, and that number is growing.
I’ve always found it innovative & fun, and a whole lot cheaper, easier and more effective then going out or doing volunteer work/courses etc. I still did and do all those things, but for their own sake, not because I hoped to find " the one". I honestly would have found that rather depressing.
I met my first SO ( 15 years together, broke up, still friends) through an online ad in the paper. I always thought, that the story of how we met was rather romantic, despite the stigma. Neither myself nor the guys who responded to my ad conformed to the loser-stigma attached to contact-ads; back then, I was a very attractive 22 year old blonde female student, and my SO, who responded to my ad, was a hottie too.
Were he and I losers? No. We just were
rational (“It seems like an effective way of meeting people”)
adventurous (“you never know who you’re going to meet and thats nice about it” )
-enterprising (" You know what? I could use a relationship, so I’m gonna do what it takes")
-and independent (“Yes, I know people think ads are for losers. Their loss.”)
My current fiancé and I met through a dating site and we’ve been together for 2 years now, and engaged to be married. My brother has met his GF just three months ago. My friend who is very beautiful girl (although not without problems) has met, gotten into a relationship and broken up again with 4 men in the past five months. Online dating just works.
wasson, cheer up. I’m almos jealous of you; you’ve got some interesting months ahead if you dive in this on-line dating thing. Just go for it and spend the few bucks necessary to do so. Going to a bar four nights a month is much more expensive.
I started on m match.com in April. I don’t really do winks so much as offers to take a woman to lunch and generally about 1/2 to 2/3rds respond. The direct response of match.com beats the hell out of awkwardly cruising bookstores and coffee houses hoping to “click” with someone.
I’ve had very positive responses with women my own age (I’m 48) . Interestingly women my own age or older seem to look at, or evaluate me, more as a lover and conversational partner. The women I dated in the low 40’s seemed to (for whatever reason) be a lot more interested in my financial status.
A few things I’ve leaned re online dating - and this is strictly IMO
Physical attraction and various types of “clicking” can’t be forced or developed. It’s either there or it’s not, and if it’s not taking it on as “project” to be developed is a big mistake. In my age cohort if something’s not happening by the second or third date it’s time to move on.
Drink very moderately. More than 1-2 beers and I tend to get a little too relaxed and talkative. You need to be relaxed and conversational, but you also need to keep a steady hand on the tiller re the impression you make. One glurgy slip and you’re in the “no thanks” bin.
I like women with some substance - not really fat but not skinny either. A nice set of hips is very sexy. I also tend to “fit” better with taller women. Little ladies are nice but I’m finding 5-5 to 6 feet is definitely preferable lovemaking, and making out wise. For whatever reason sex with women 45 years and older has been fantastic, and much better. less inhibited and more intense than with the younger women.
Being well dressed and physically fit matters. Even if you can carry on the most sophisticated and esoteric conversations, a woman will still judge you by how she would feel if you were holding her.
Confidence matters. even if you’re nervous you need to be able to carry this off. This is why the aforesaid warning about being too effusive & glurgy comes in. Women like sensitivity and vulnerability, but only on their own terms. You had best clamp down on these aspects of your personality until your get to know her better.
Dude, stay out of Hollywood; paying $12 for a watery martini and the privilege of being ignored by the beautiful people (who are all busy one-upping each other by pretending to be disinterested in other beautiful people) isn’t worth it. You can do happy hour at the Red Lion and drinik real German bier for Bud Lite prices.
I tried Match.com before quitting once, last year. Then I tried it again over the last summer and quit again, for the same reason. I was so overwhelmed by emails that I couldn’t keep up with them–ranging from desperate to golddigging to player to way too much effort–online dating was definitely not easier than real life dating for me. Eventually stopped reading the emails … they piled up to almost 30 unread in my inbox the last time I remember. Most of them I rejected for being obvious players, obvious golddiggers, or obvious mismatches (no, no more separated guys kthx).
The last email I got, became my current boyfriend. Don’t know what attracted his email so to induce me to log in and reply. It was a simple introduction email; his wasn’t the most charming or the most witty of the bunch. But I felt quite compelled to respond to him, and, yeah.
If you’re a straight male, answer some ads in the w4m section and send a nice picture. If you can write a succinct, coherent note and don’t attach a picture of your dick, you’ll be way ahead of the game.
catholicsingles.com here.
I was a widower for almost three years and hadn’t been on a date in 20+ years (I’m 44 now).
I am now married to a wonderful woman I met online. She had given up on her account (actually I suppose she had forgotten about it) , and surprised when she received an email from me.
It seemed to me that window of opportunity is very small to meet someone. In other words if you don’t meet someone right away, you’re not likely too unless you do the soliciting when other new members join, then you’re in a comparison to the other people doing the same thing.
Best of luck to you.
By the way, contrary to what was written above, I have heard good things about e-harmony.com for people who aren’t just looking to find a hook-up. For that matter, I’ve also heard that people with religious affiliations could do worse than looking for a site dedicated to that religion. i.e. jdate.com serves the jewish community. You get rid of a lot of the riff raff that way. anecdotal evidence only.
Soooo true! If I were going to have lunch with some of the responders to my CL ad, I’d have to have them drop trou in the middle of Chevy’s. :rolleyes: Men who think that’s their best asset score an automatic delete from me.
It has nothing to do with “just looking to find a hook-up”: I couldn’t get through the initial personality profile, partly because so many of the questions assumed some kind of religious belief. Time after time none of the multiple choice answers fit me, and I finally realized it wasn’t the right place for me to find dates.
I think that’s the most accurate description of online daters I’ve ever seen. People who don’t understand online dating might think it’s for desperate, dangerous losers, but it is really for people just like you’ve described (which pretty accurately describes both my husband and me). I was at a place in my life where I was ready for and wanted a serious relationship; I girded my loins and did what it took to get one, rather than sitting at home and waiting for him to knock on my door. My husband is a really, really good catch, but he has always been almost pathologically shy with women. Getting to know me through emails first was exactly what he needed.
I think the key to successful online dating is to present yourself as basically nice and normal, with at least one slight hook of interest (my tagline which got my husband’s attention was “Female: Mostly Harmless” - we’re both huge Douglas Adams fans, so he wanted to get to know me based on this in-joke. I was fishing for someone with similar interests, and I caught me one. )
Me either. I come from a very small town and there are many people there who have no idea how my husband and I met (Yahoo Personals by BTW). The few people I told looked at me like I just landed from another planet. Then they always say the same thing: “How do you know they’re not an axe murderer?” :dubious:
How do they know the guy they met at the bar or the grocery store didn’t beat his last wife to a pulp? I think they fail to realize that the internet is just the means for introduction, the rest is handled like any other dating scenario or relationship. You go out a few times, get to know each other, and you either end up hooking up or going your own way.
Axe murderers and losers were around loooong before the world wide web.
Probable eHarmony reason in bold. They were long associated with Focus on the Family, although (according to Wiki) they’ve distanced themselves as of late.
One tip: Make sure your photos are UP TO DATE and REPRESENTATIVE of how you really look. If you look 15 years older than you are and resemble a burn victim, at least show a picture that depicts that.
Okay, here’s another annoying online dating question.
A girl and I exchanged 3-4 emails through the match.com system over the course of a couple of days. The last one I sent said I thought it sounded like we had a lot in common, and we could continue the discussion over my “real” email address, which I gave her. I haven’t heard anything from her since.
Did I jump the gun giving out my real email address? Is that a faux pas? Does that give off a creepy vibe? In reality, I just thought it was dumb to get an email saying I had a match.com email, then having to log in, and reply using their system.
