She was probably hesitant about giving you her real email address. (And not being computer literate enough to know how to reply without using her real account.)
I pretty much eschew religion as well, and I still got “in”. The guys I got matched with were listed as atheist or agnostic, for the most part. I never really used the service though, mostly I just took the test out of curiosity.
E-harmony is different in that they do the matching for you. I think if they don’t have enough decent matches for you, then they won’t let you use the service. You can go back and take the test later, if you want. Kind of nice, at least they won’t let you waste your money if they don’t think they can do much for you.
Nah. The communications just dies away sometimes for no real reason. Move on to the next one.
I agree, I don’t think offering the email address was creepy. If anything, it’s likely that she realized that things were escalating and decided to bail because she just wasn’t all that interested in the first place. Don’t take it personally. It happens to evryone on the online dating sites. 
Yeah - the interested ones keep on being interested. I remember talking to my then-email buddy now-husband over the phone, way back when, and he didn’t seem to be interested in talking to me at all, but he kept talking to me when I called him, so I figured if he wasn’t interested, he would say so, and end our growing relationship (which he didn’t). It turns out that he’s just not a phone talker; to this day, we have the lamest phone conversations.
My point (and I do have one) is to respond in kind to people, and not take any of it too personally. You sent an email, she didn’t respond; as Shayna so wisely said in Stoid’s dating thread, NEXT!.
I agree that this is common with online dating, and crap like this is partly why I don’t do it anymore.
I hate the fact that it has become accepted behaviour for someone to simply drop off the face of the earth the moment they lose interest, and stop corresponding with you without so much as a courtesy “sorry, not interested anymore” e-mail/IM/whatever you were doing. That’s the way cowards have been breaking up with people since time began, and it kills me that such rude, immature behaviour is now seen as de riguer in the world of online dating. Even if you’ve only exchanged a few messages (actually, especially if you’ve only exchanged a few messages), there’s no need for self-centered disrespect. Grr.
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No worries, everyone. She finally emailed me back. So far my record has been pretty good! I’m down to about 1 in 4 emails gets a response, but that ain’t bad. Still no real-life meetings, but I can’t wait.
Anything I should know about planning/asking for a real life meeting? Does offering to pick her up make me a creep? Should I just assume we’re meeting somewhere?
I didn’t like guys to come pick me up if I hadn’t already met them in person, so I would suggest meeting somewhere that’s convenient for the both of you.
Keep it something casual, that either of you can easily get out of if it’s not working out. Drinks or coffee aren’t very creative, but usually good enough for a first meeting. That way if it just ends up being awkward, you’re not stuck for 3 hours forcing conversation.
I second badbadrubberpiggy. I have never considered that first meeting to be an actual “date,” and I would never agree to have a guy pick me up.
Not sure whether I should open a new thread ?
Three related questions :
-
In a dating game, when I get an email from a person I’m not interested in
is it ok to just ignore it or should I still reply and what the exact wording should
be ? -
If I realize it’s not for me AFTER exchanging 2-3 emails what do I say then?
-
I’ve exchanged about 3 emails with a women BEFORE she sent me a photo, I’m not interested anymore…how do I respond not to offend her ?
Usually the dating site provides a format to do this, with just one click. The wording is something like: “Thank you for your kind e-mail. But I don’t think we match. Good luck.”
" It’s been nice e-mailing with to you, but there’s another person on this site things are getting more serious with, and I want to explore that contact further for now. Good luck and maybe I’ll see you around !"
Ooh, tough one. No, there is no way you can do this without offending him or her. The best way to prevent this is not e-mailing with people you have not seen a picture of.
In the case you describe, I’d give a compliment like: “You look great. Unfortunately, you are not my type.” Usually the conversation dies quickly after that.
Thirded - a coffee shop halfway between the two of you is ideal for your meet-and-greet. I think we’ve touched on this before, but the sooner the better - in my opinion (and I realize this varies), you don’t truly start a relationship with someone until you meet them face-to-face. I don’t think they’ve proved the existence of pheromones for humans yet, but there is an ineffable something that is lacking until you’re sitting across from each other, breathing the same air, experiencing the whole package that is the other person. This is where the rubber hits the road, so to speak.
Misnomer, I’m usually pretty much a stickler for etiquette and social niceties, but you could argue that with internet dating being so new, the customs are also new, and one of the customs is that lack of interest is indicated by lack of response. Deleting someone’s email address who I have emailed once or twice is not the same as breaking up with a boyfriend of five years by stopping returning their calls.
Justqwerty, I don’t think I could give you any better answers than Maastricht did. 
But common courtesy isn’t new. Actually, internet dating isn’t all that new, either – Match.com, for example, has been around for 11 years (cite). So the customs aren’t new, they’re just customs that I don’t agree with/appreciate. 
Well, when I said that cowards have been using this method to break up with people since the dawn of time, I didn’t mean 5-year relationships – I was thinking more about 5-month relationships. People who use the “drop off the face of the earth” method to end long-term relationships are in a completely separate category.
Are you saying that you don’t think it’s poor form to suddenly disappear after e-mailing someone once or twice?
I actually did have someone just disappear on me and start ignoring my emails after we had corresponded AND met in person several times for over six months. Now THAT pissed me off.
However, with a new person that I’ve just started talking to, no, I don’t take offense if they ignore my email, and I’ll admit I ignore men who don’t appeal to me.
To me, it seems more hurtful to come right out and say “You’re not my type” than to just fade away and let the person make up their own reasons that might be kinder to their ego (like maybe you would have LOVED to have kept corresponding but were sadly abducted by aliens )
Hey everyone, just had my first real life meeting last night! It was fun, all in all. We definitely clicked, but I suspect we clicked more as friends than anything else. We’re going to hang out again, but I didn’t feel any “sparks” or whatever it is people feel.
I think it’s very important to respond with a polite “Thanks, but no thanks” or words to that effect.
The only exceptions that come to mind are (a) if someone appears to be a scammer, or (b) if that person says something lame and lazy like “Hi. Why don’t you read my profile and tell me what you think?” I’m sure that in the latter case, it would be best to reply with a “Thanks, but no thanks” as well, but I don’t think it’s completely out of line to ignore such contacts. The way I figure it, if somebody wants to make contact, the burden rests on that person’s shoulders to get the conversation rolling. If the person wants me to figure out what we should talk about, or if we have anything in common, then I don’t feel a strong obligation to respond.
This is especially true if someone is communicating from clear across the globe, appears to have little in common with you and offers no particular reason why the two of you would be a good match. These situations pretty much smack of someone trying to land a green card or similar immigration status. Now, it’s possible that this person thinks the two of you would be a good match, but that were the case, then he or she should explain why. No *honest * individual would make contact with someone from thousands of miles away without offering some reason for why you might be compatible.
I think it’s good to reply to sincere messages with a polite thanks-but-no-thanks message, if you want. Still, if I made the first contact with someone, and never got a reply, it never bothered me. I just figured I wasn’t their type or they were already seeing someone. It wasn’t a big deal.
To avoid offense, use “I” statements as much as possible to make it clear the issue is yours, not hers. For example, don’t say “you’re ugly”, say “I think you’re ugly”. You can also soften the blow by phrasing your opinion as a personal preference specific to you: “I prefer not to date people who appear not to have washed their hair this year.”
It’s all about tact.
You’re my hero. Thank you for making me laugh out loud.
I’m thinking about this, trying to figure out how I feel about it. I don’t think that strangers on the internet owe me very much, and I don’t owe them much, either. Do I owe them the “common courtesy” of an email telling them I’m not interested after a very short time? No, I don’t think I do. I didn’t particularly expect it of others, either. I think expecting and demanding emails like that would be going a little far, considering the almost complete lack of relationship at that point.