Thats an interesting twist. Forgive you for a crime if you did it, but not apologize for accusing you (at whatever level) in the first place.
Its like not ever tipping, but writing big checks to charities.
As others have said, in the very least you obviously IMO need a decent cooling off period.
Best of luck.
You know, life is too short to waste your time with family that treats you like that. I think Satchmo has the right idea - limit your exposure to the toxins. 
Calling someone a thief is not cool from anybody. Unless, you know, you are one and they know it.
What you got to do here, if you truly want calm waters, not victory, high ground or unfelt words, is refuse to engage. Make your peace with it. It’s never going to be what you want, this relationship. And this old man is, no way, ever going to change his ways.
You need to refuse to engage, on anything you don’t want to.
I’d keep making his dinner, delivering them to him, with the biggest, sweetness and light, smile on my face, and hand off at the doorway. Don’t go in the house, just hand off. Wish him a great night and move on. Don’t go in his house without someone with you. If others inquire, say you don’t want to upset him, or have him think you might have stolen something of his. Be honest with them, you love him, but don’t want to risk another incident. Then change topic, on to the next thing.
Everyone in your family is going to take their cue from you. Be cool, open, loving and honest. Nothing so irritates self righteous Christians, I assure you. You get to have control of any topic he may bring up, if he wants to chat ask him into the front yard. If he hits topics you don’t want to discuss or open, just don’t engage. Another big shit eating grin and its, “Love you Dad, but I just remembered I gotta run!”, hop in the car and go.
It’s not rocket science, it’s not even that hard, once you’re right with it. It’s easy because you have all of the control. There is no way the sisterhood will work against this, if they see you are somehow making this impossible relationship, with the prick, work.
Do Not Engage. You only need his apology if his words matter. Decide right now, they don’t, they truly don’t. You don’t need his apology to have things in your control and how you want them.
Take back your power!
I have to agree with this. Although not nearly on this level, my father treated my sister this way all her life, and she never learned this lesson.
After childhood he never tried it on with me (at least not on that level) because he knew I would just walk out of his life (again, I did it for 6 months when I first moved out on my own).
Through therapy I learned to let all the crap I got from him that he just could not help himself from flinging roll right off my back, because I truly did not care what he thought.
Let me repeat that: I did not care what he thought about me. I was polite and pleasant and visited every year as a dutiful son (since I lived, on purpose, 600 miles away). When my mother died I helped him with the details of her cremation and so on. I never engaged.
If you can get yourself to that place (therapy is good if you have the time and money and find a good one), everything else will fall into place.
May I wish you the greatest good luck and serenity in your life from now on.
Roddy
ETA: So, if I had been in your situation, I would have laughed a little and said “You really think I stole money from you? That’s a pretty outrageous thing to say, don’t you think? Really? Well, then I guess you don’t want to have a thief around so I’d better limit my visits to emergencies, oh, and here’s my key.”
People keep saying, “He’s not going to change.” Yeah, well that doesn’t mean he gets to treat you like shit and you have to smile and say, “thank you sir, may I have some more?” Just because someone gets a head start on being an asshole just because they’re your parent, that doesn’t mean they’re to be tiptoed around.
Take the advice of elbows and Roderick. If he starts acting like a prick, act like you don’t notice that he’s being a prick and switch the conversation, or make an excuse to go talk to someone else/discover a reason why you have to leave.
I’d recommend cutting him off, but I’m sorry that you’ve got those family connections that you think will be messed up. My sisters-in-law clustered around their abusive, near-sociopath of a dad when their brother (my husband) told him he didn’t want to deal with him for a while, and cut the guy out of our lives for over a half a year. These days we only see him on the rare occasion, and only at holidays/big family gatherings where there are plenty other targets for his temper.
Look, Skald. I cut my parents off, and yes, I lost my whole family into the bargain. I talk to them now, and they talk to me, sometimes, but we have lost that closeness and I will never get it back. It’s a heavy price to pay but my parents were SO bad for me I knew what the right choice was for me.
We can’t tell you what the right choice is. I know I would cut him off. There is a streak of running away from the problem in this. However, there is no point in fighting some battles, I believe, and you only live once and you really have to pick your battles.
DO NOT ENGAGE HIM. No matter what you do. I don’t understand why you are making this jerkoff dinner - you certainly are enabling him. But you can’t ever let him see you mad. He likes jerking you around.
I think you should go to his house and steal everything that’s not nailed down (and half of everything that is). That’ll show his ass.
You are right, Skald, and it’s a decision only you can weigh out. My own dad is similar, if not nearly as bad. He honestly believes that he should be able to say anything he wants because he is The Wise Old Patriarch, but heaven forbid he get a quarter teaspoon less of the respect he feels is his due. I know that he is insecure, and his behavior has driven off many of those who care about him - including my brothers - and I can see where he is both deeply hurt by this and completely blind to how it’s come about.
That said, my father never raised a hand to me, and he certainly never accused me of being led by the devil.
Can you severely limit your time with your father without taking a stand or making a statement? Can you see your dad for five minutes once a week and offer him the love and respect you can, and then get the hell out of there? Can you disengage emotionally the way Roderick Femm suggests and refuse to take it personally?
If it’s just not possible, then you have to weigh the grief your dad gives you against the joy the rest of your family, especially your stepdaughter, give you. If you estrange yourself, can you go back once your father has died or will it be too late? You’re the only one who can answer those questions.
Time for a little distance and silence.
My father used to say to me “Honor thy father and mother” ( he did not know the verse-Ephesians 6:2-just that it was “Biblical”)
I would respond " Two verses later it says: Fathers, provoke not thy children to wrath" (Ephesians 6:4)
Your father is in his mid-70’s-he’s not likely to get better/more understanding. He’s going to get WORSE. You know those phrases “Grumpy old man” and “Dirty old man”? It sounds like he is well on his way.
He is not going to change.
You have to decide how you want to deal with him. Contact with him is not a positive thing for you (to put it mildly!). I think you need to take care of yourself and limit your contact with him.
If he can accuse you of taking money from him, he might start thinking that you are trying to poison him when you cook for him.
Don’t be alone with him anymore. Don’t make a big deal out of it, just always have a witness with you.
If the rest of the family can’t see what is going on, and their only thoughts are to keep him happy and side with him, you won’t be able to salvage any relationships with them and you will have to let them go too.
I think after that rant you must be feeling much better.
We only get one set of parents and we don’t get to pick them. He is getting old and perhaps a bit forgetful. I work with the elderly and sometimes they say the most ridiculous things.
I bet he will apologize. I’m sure he feels bad. Your a good son to cook for him and I’m sure he loves you the best he knows how.
None of us are perfect. My Dad’s Birthday was on Tuesday and I always miss him. He’s been gone since 91.
Give time, time
As I was reading through this thread, I was turning over in my head what advice to give, but I think elbows nailed it. Maintain contact, but don’t enter his house at all any more. Yes, that’s a breach in the relationship, but that breach has already occurred, and the only way it’s going to be healed is if he apologizes to you. Until then, it’s perfectly legitimate to think your presence in his house might disturb him, since he did consider the possibility that you were stealing from him.
Skald, how is his mental state otherwise? Making baseless accusations of theft is one of the most common early signs of alzheimer’s…
Personally I say cut all ties with him. All of your potential collaterals know what he’s like just as much as you do, so if they choose him over you that’s their choice. Not yours. Fuck em.
Be firm, the decent ones will come around, the others, fuck em.
Good heavens. I agree with Lissener.
Skald, I apologize if I’m overstepping, but it seems to me from reading your OP that this is just one symptom of a seriously screwed up relationship that is causing you a lot of pain. And I don’t know that ceasing contact is necessarily going to reduce that pain, because you’re still liable to be seething inside. My thought would be to get yourself some therapy, so you can let some of your anger out and maybe learn some different ways of dealing with it when he acts hurtful toward you.
You haven’t done anything wrong, but you can’t change him. The only thing you can change is how you react. It may be that cutting off your relationship is indeed the right decision; I’m not saying it isn’t. I’m just saying that you’d probably be better off if you got some outside help before you make that decision.
Ouch. That’s really hard to say. I’d say:
He’s not going to change. That’s not 100% certain. It’s always possible. But the chance is low, and you probably can’t do anything about it. That doesn’t mean you have to take it or that you have to leave, but that you have to decide based on assuming he’ll be just as irascible afterwards.
Don’t make a dramatic gesture. Sometimes that helps, and it might make you feel better, but it’s more likely to generate the drama you want to avoid, and make it harder to see your other family later.
If there’s any way, I’d say don’t formally sever context, but don’t see him, and if he asks say something like “I’d like to, but I just don’t feel comfortable at the moment. The thing with the money was the last straw”. I know that’s really difficult to do 
Not a fun situation at all…I’m sorry you are going through it.
For me, I ask myself: “Do I want to be right or do I want to be well?”
9 out of 10 times I want to be well.
That entails letting things go sometimes and deciding what hills are worth dying on.
As an aside you cracked me up about the unfermented grape juice…I went to a church for the longest time that the minister would swear up and down it wasn’t REAL wine.
For whatever this is worth…
My grandmother began accusing my mom of wanting to steal her money. Very shortly thereafter, based on that and other changes in her behavior, we had her at the doctor’s for a series of tests.
And the diagnosis was the onset of senile dementia – Alzheimer’s.
I’m inclined to agree, but I’ve never been insulted this blatantly by a parent, so I don’t know if I’d be able to go through with it.
Skald the Rhymer, what your father did was extremely insulting, but if this was a one-time thing it wouldn’t bother you so much. Maybe I’m uninformed about your family history but my impression is that every time they do something like this, you get upset and roll your eyes, but then you wind up counting to 10 and forgiving them, so they don’t have any reason to change their behavior. I don’t think you can get them to quit doing this crap completely but you can change the way you respond to it and deal with it. The obvious step was already suggested: if your father thinks you’re a thief and doesn’t trust you to do be in his house, don’t make dinner for him, and don’t be in his house. If he needs to be taken care of, I’m sure one of your other sanctified relatives can do it. Just don’t deal with these people any more than you have to, and stop forgiving them over and over. Even if it doesn’t fix their behavior, it’ll reduce your frustration.